Rawr-P #53: What A Nightmare

[InuMaki]

Darren spent most of the rest of his time alone staring blankly at the television. he could see it, but the wasn't registering anything that was happening in the romantic movie that was showing. It was probably a good thing he couldn't register it, though. It would only serve to to make him more depressed.

However, eventually, he found some paper and something to write with, and he began writing a letter to Russel. He had to get these emotions out somehow, or they were going to destroy him. It told about how he felt about the dreams, how he felt about Russel, how he felt about life... The cravings for drugs and how he used to run the streets, but doesn't as much anymore. How much he missed Russel and how much that last dream freaked him out really badly. He just wrote and wrote until he was on his seventh page of writing dripping with emotion and heartache and pain.Then he basically broke down on top of the paper and sobbed, tears staining the pages as they fell.

Eventually, he just laid his head down on his folded arms at the kitchen table and cried himself back to sleep.

In his dream this time, he was as alone as he was in the real world. Standing in a room full of portraits. Half of the room was full of portraits of what his life could be like if he got close to Russel and loved him for the rest of their days. The other half was what he would be like without him. He would go back to drugs. He would go back to running the streets and not be there for Jordan. Jordan would get killed caught up in Darren's mess of a life full of turf wars and gang violence.

Darren stood in the middle of the room and emotionlessly turned and turned to look at the portraits, gazing upon a new one each time around until he paused on one of the happy portraits. It was of he and Russel in their mid-twenties in a pool with a nice little house behind them and two children--little girls--in pool floaties in front of them. Jordan was also there, with a little boy on a raft. A smile cracked his face, and he walked over and ran his finger tips along the ornate golden frame.

He turned his attention away from that portrait to keep looking, and his eyes soon fell on one from the opposite side of the room. He waled up to it and gazed over the image, heart sinking as he looked at himself sobbing, a dead and bloody Jordan in his arms as he screamed to the sky. He realized, as he looked back and forth between the two, that he needed these as a reminder. He needed these show him that he couldn't give up. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't give up on Russel. Russel was the glue holding him together, and he needed him there in his life to be happy. There was no other alternative.

 

[UnDeadReaper95]

As Darren's realization about there being no other way but to find a way to be with Russel, a door appeared on one of the side walls of the two sets of pictures. From behind the door, the sound of sobbing was barely breaking through. The sobs sounded exactly like the sobs from earlier when Russel had broken down in front of him. Russel was sobbing behind that door. Russel was the same broken Russel from earlier today.

Behind the door, there was an identical set-up to the room, except there was only one picture in the entire blacked out room. It was a massive picture of the same tall, blonde man that had snatched up Russel up by the arm from their previous dream. He had most of the same facial features of Russel, except he looked in his early thirties. On a name plate under the picture, the name Russel Thompson was carved elegantly into the gold plate. The gold plate matched the ornate golden frame of picture.

There was no light in the room, except a spotlight on the hanging picture and on the crying blonde in the middle of the floor. Russel was sitting there with both legs crunched up beside him. His hands were covering his face as he sobbed uncontrollably. His clothes were an expensive looking set of striped pajamas. They looked brand new, but the blonde wearing them looked unworthy of wearing them in his destroyed condition. Directly in front of the blonde, there was a second name plate that was cracked in multiple places and broken in half in the middle. This name plate also said Russel Thompson on it.

On the ground where the name plate was, there was also a spilled bottle of some kind of dark liquid. The square, crystal bottle looked like one you would find in an expense liquor set. The square bottle cap was laid abandoned on the floor in the puddle of dark liquid. It looked like it had been spilled a while ago since there was no longer anything coming out the bottle. The puddle of assumed liquor was spread across the floor, but it wasn't quite reaching where Russel sat in front of it. On the other side of the name plate, there was also a spilled bottle of unlabeled pills. The clear orange bottle also had been opened and the contents were mostly laying out in front of the bottle like the liquor bottle. There wasn't very many pills still laying there, though. It looked like the pill bottle either didn't have many pills to begin with or they were already taken.

Russel's sobbing broken figure just sat there in front of the three items as his frame shook violently. "...w-why... I-I just... wanted to see.. him... w-why... He...He was... all I wanted..." Russel sobbed quietly to himself as he started to cry harder into his own hands. "Why can't I be happy? Why can't I ever just have something because I want it? Why must I be miserable to make you happy!" Russel harshly cried out, as he finally looked up from his hands at the picture. He was almost screaming at the picture. His normally light blue eyes, were dulled to a deeper blue.. an empty blue. His face was stained with tears and redness. It was pretty hard to tell how long he had been there crying. "I-I... I-I wanted him... H-he was mine... W-we were happy, goddammit.... w-we were happy..." He choked out, before his face fell back into his hands and he was sobbing harshly again.

 

[InuMaki]

As the door appeared, Darren whipped around to stare at it. He walked cautiously toward it, and eventually began to hear the sobbing coming from behind it. It was then that he paused, a few feet from the door. Was he ready to face whoever or whatever was behind that door? Was it Russel, or himself? Was it Jordan? Was it one of the children he saw in the image on the wall?

He looked back at that large picture, allowing a small smile to cross his lips. If it got him to where he was in that photo, he could face it. He had to do it, for both he and Russel. At the end of the last dream, Russel had accepted him. He had wanted him there, wanted to kiss him and hold him. He needed him. He could do this.

He stepped forward and reached for the knob right as screaming began to come from inside of the room. He paused once more, worry crossing his features as he listened to, no mistakenly, Russel screaming at something...someone. Frowning, he gripped the knob and turned it gently, slowly opening the door until he could see the whole of the room.

"Russel..," he breathed, heart speeding up just at the sight of him. He didn't see the rest of the room. He only had eyes for the broken, sobbing mess that was his soul mate on the floor, illuminated by what looked like a spotlight. His heart both ached and fluttered as he stepped forward into the room, calling out Russel's name once more to get his attention.

 

[UnDeadReaper95]

The pained broken angel didn’t look up from his hands as he heard his name being spoken out the first time. There was a chance that over his own sobs he couldn’t even hear Darren trying to talk to him. He had pretty much fried all of his senses from crying. With the second call to him, Russel finally peeked out of his hands. His face was just as red and stained. Tears were sliding down his cheeks like two small rivers, and he couldn’t focus on anything. He looked like he had almost drown himself in his own tears.

“D-darren…” The word was soft and almost indiscernible as Russel choked it out in a sob. The short, blonde male made no movement to get up and move towards Darren as he looked up at him. It wasn’t until he was actually looking directly at Darren that it was visible, but his eyes were dilated. He looked high or drunk. It was hard to tell which exactly, maybe he was even both, but it was obvious that he wasn’t fully there. “... Darren.. “ He choked out again as his hands fell to rest beside him.

“... they told me I needed to take something to sleep… I was screaming too much… I didn’t want Father to think I was cracking… and I wanted to see you…” His words were hoarse and cracked a few times. “... I wanted to be with you… I wanted to stay here with you… I didn’t want to wake up ever again…” His words were more hollow as he let his head fall from looking at Darren and hang in front of him.There was tears dripping from his chin down into his lap. “But… when I got here… you were gone… I thought you were g-gone f-f-forever…” He cried hard, before curling down lower into a ball on the floor where he sat. His hands weakly reached up and gripped at his own hair. “I-I thought... I-I would n-never see you again…” He was sobbing loudly again. “I-I think ummahhh dahhhmm… I-I caaaannta hmmm ughh baakummm…” Russel’s words were almost garbled completely as he mumbled them through sobs and into his own lap.

 

[UnDeadReaper95]

Darren practically melted at the look Russel gave him. His beautiful little preppy angel was broken, and there was almost nothing he could do about it.

He stumbled forward, tripping over his own feet to get to his fragile dream-lover. He knelt beside him and pulled him into a tight embrace, burying the blond's face in his chest and shushing him.

"Shhh, Russel. Hush. Hush, Angel, I'm here. I'll always come back. I'll never leave you. It would break my heart to even try. I need you to know how much it would break me to leave you alone now that I know you exist. You're my heart," he murmured, rocking back and forth to soothe Russel and himself. He was crying for Russel's pain.

He gently stroked that perfect blond hair. "Listen. That's you beating in my chest," he whispered then went quiet while Russel calmed down.
After a few minutes, he pulled away and smiled softly at him.

"C'mon. Let's get you out of this room. I want to show you something," he told him and slowly pulled him to his feet. He wrapped his arm around his upper back beneath his arm pits and scooped him up in his arms. He smiled and kissed his lips gently then carried him back through the doorway into the room of his futures.

 

[UnDeadReaper95]

Russel could feel his body heaving with hiccups from crying so hard before. How did things get so messed up? All he wanted to do was to be happy. He only wanted to be happy for once in his life.

As Darren came over and pulled him up out of his ball of misery, he almost couldn't believe it was real. He felt warm arms surrounding his almost freezing frame. Russel hands gripped Darren's clothing for dear life as he was pressed into Darren's chest. It was like being submersed in the dark, cold depths for centuries before finally being able to float to the surface and the warmth of the sunlight. Darren was his sunlight.

Russel said nothing as he sobbed softly into Darren's chest and absorbed the warmth from his sun. As he heard the other tell him to listen to his heart, Russel knew that he wouldn't ever be able to be without Darren. He could never been happy without him. He knew exactly how to comfort him... Without even being told to. Russel sucked in a deep breath, before nodding slowly. His ear pressed to the middle of Darren's chest, and just as promised, Russel could hear the other's heartbeat. It was so beautiful to Russel in that moment. He choked out a soft sob and reached up to cover his mouth.

Russel could have stayed there listening to Darren's heartbeat forever. When he was little, he had a nanny that would let him listen to her heartbeat, and for a while, it was the only way he would be able to sleep. He needed to hear the soft rhythm of someone close to him. Someone watching over him as he slept to know he was safe. As Darren pulled back though, Russel gave him a small, weak smile. He felt safe next to Darren anyways. Russel wasn't crying anymore, but he still looked pretty bad. His eyes were still blown, and his face was still red from crying.

The blonde stood to his feet though as Darren pulled him up. He was shaky, and couldn't stand on his own. He was actually really grateful that Darren decided to carry him. He didn't want to make a mockery of himself by attempting to walk in his condition. Wrapping his arms around Darren's neck, Russel seemed completely content in his arms. He didn't know where they were going, but he didn't care. He had Darren. Closing his eyes, the blonde rested his head on Darren's shoulder. "Where are we going?" Russel asked in a soft voice. His eyes were still closed as Darren carried him.

 

[UnDeadReaper95]

Darren smiled down at Russel. "To the room my dream started in. The room I was in before I found you," he told him, holding him close as they moved through the doorway.

"The room of my futures. I was shown what my life could be like if I had you by my side...and if I lost you. I refuse to let it happen. I didn't want to give up on us before, and this only strengthened it."

He paused about twenty feet into the room and looked away from Russel and up at the portraits still on the walls. "See? One wall is the future with you, the other without. I bet you cant guess which picture is my favorite."

This was a big eye-opener for both of them, and a very good look into Darren's life that he probably wouldn't let anyone else see. Other than Jordan. It showed his drug use and gang life...it showed his weakest points and the crimes he committed. Everything. He was laid open for Russel to read.

 

[UnDeadReaper95]

Russel listened to Darren speaking to him, but he didn't quite understand what he meant. He had run around the previous room looking for an escape, but there was none. He was completely alone in there, but now they were somewhere different. His eyes slowly moved from Darren's face to the pictures on the wall around the room. Some were of Darren using drugs... others were of them on dates together. Russel slowly slipped from Darren's arms, and stumbled up to one of the pictures.

It was a picture of the two of them in a pool with two little girls in arm floats swimming around them. He covered his mouth as he choked back a happy sob. "... are these... are these ours?" Russel was crying again, but they were happy tears. His fingers brushed over the canvas as he reached up to touch Darren's face. "Darren... we look so happy... do you really think we'll be this happy?" Russel voice was weak as he cried. He looked so enthralled in the picture. He was smiling, and not a fake smile, either. He was genuinely smiling in the picture. He couldn't remember the last time he was honestly that happy.

His blue eyes scanned picture longer. There was a small house behind them, and it looked so beautiful. It looked actually lived in rather than his house. His house was like a living mausoleum, since it was so big there was no way to actually live in every part of the house. It was a testament to his family's wealth... not the love shared by his family. He choked back another sob as he turned back to Darren. "I-I love..." Russel's voice was drifted off.

"Darren! Darren, wake up man! How long have you been asleep here? Darren, Man, you can't sleep on the table like this. Darren how long have you been writing this letter?" Jordan's voice erupted from the real world and scattered the dream realm around them. He was shaking Darren's shoulder hard and almost desperately to get him to wake up. In a moment of weakness, he actually thought that Darren might have overdosed on something. He looked so distraught with tears staining his face and the pages under him on the table. There was several pages laying across the table around Darren, and as Jordan walked in on it before, he actually felt an extreme ping of guilt over leaving Darren.

He had abandoned Darren in a terrible time... all for a woman that didn't really love or need him. He was a bad friend, but he was at least going to put his friend to bed, before he let him sleep on the table.

 

[UnDeadReaper95]

Darren let Russel slip out of his arms and watched him marvel at the pictures. He couldn't stop his own grin at the sight of Russel's. He had never seen him this happy, and it made his heart light.

"Yeah...yeah, I think we can have that..," he said softly as he gazed over at Russel. When the prep looked back at him, he knew what he was going to say before he opened his mouth. Oh, but how he wished he had been able to hear the rest of that statement.

He grunted as he was shaken awake and slowly, bleary blinked open his eyes.

"Mms...Russel?" He grumbled, sitting up fully and wiping the drool from his mouth before rubbing his eyes. It was then that he looked over and focused on Jordan's worried face. "Oh...hey, Jordan," he greeted in a mumble, rubbing his fingers through his hair idly.

"Mmwhat letter?" He asked, confused and looked down at the table. "Oh... I dunno. A long time, I guess. Did I really write tho much?" He asked, beginning to flip through the pages slowly, eyes barely scanning the words.

--------------------------

"Russel? Who is Russel?... Wait isn't that the kid from school today? The one from your dreams? Darren, man, is that why you were so upset?" Jordan's eyes weren't on Darren anymore as he scanned over the pages himself. He wasn't actually reading them, but he caught certain words of it. Darren was writing about his drug abuse and about when ran with gangs around the slums.

"Darren, I'm really sorry for leaving you earlier, that was really stupid of me. I mean, I should have known you were hurting more than I could see." His words were barely above a whisper as he helped his friend collect up the rather lengthy letter from the table into a pile.

"Come on, let's get your face cleaned up," Jordan spoke out softly as he looked back at Darren's face. There was actually smudges from the ink on his face from where he fell asleep crying on top of the pages filled with ink. After pushing some of his own brown hair out of his face, Jordan reached over and pulled Darren up out of the sit of the kitchen table. " A shower will probably help you wake up, too." Jordan stated as he helped his friend up to his feet.

 

[InuMaki]

Darren blinked groggily, still trying to wake himself up as Jordan just kept talking and talking and asking questions. He was moving too fast for Darren to keep up in his sleepy state. He slowly began to pick up the pages of the letter and collect them all into a pile, not caring if they were in order or not.

"My face? What?" he asked, confusion written all over his face. His body was exhausted from all of the stressing out he had been doing that day, and it was taking him much longer than usual to bring himself to reality from his dream. It's like his brain just didn't want him awake. It wanted him to get the ******** back in there and kiss the living daylights out of Russel. A soft smile crossed his lips at the thought.

"I wanna go back to sleep...Russel was there," he muttered as Jordan pulled him up out of the chair and started heading towards the bathroom. "He told me...he was telling me he loved me," he continued to murmur. "I saw futures. Mine. One wall with...with pictures of life with 'im and one with life without, and...and without him I don't... I can't do it. You died in my arms, and I can't..." He began choking up at the thought, tears slipping back down his cheeks as he suddenly turned and engulfed Jordan in a huge hug, squeezing him tightly. "You're my best friend, and I can't lose you. I can't," he sobbed into his shoulder, body shaking with every sob and deep breath.

 

[UnDeadReaper95]

Jordan was trying to help get his friend's life back on track here. All of these dreams were a ******** joke. All they caused was discontentment. You couldn't be happy with your life, because you were too busy focusing on some made up fantasy reality in your dreams. It was complete bullshit, in Jordan's opinion. He honestly wished they could go back to the way it was. They were so close to getting out of the slums. They had their interviews, and they were sure to get in. And then everything was going to be up from here. Jordan couldn't let his friend throw all of that way for a guy.

"I know you do, Darren, but you really need to wake up, now. You can't just sleep all the time, because this guy is there. You guys probably are never going to work out the way you want it to." Jordan off-handed told his dark haired friend as they moved towards the bathroom. Jordan really didn't realize how wrecked Darren was about all this. They had barely made it to the doorway of the bathroom, when Darren broke down and hugged him tightly.

It hurt to see Darren, who was normally so strong and pulled together, so torn apart. "Darren, Darren, it was just a dream, okay? I'm not going anywhere. Don't think that just because you and that guy don't work out, that I'm going to kick the bucket, that is absurd. I would never leave you, man, you are my best friend, and friends don't leave each other behind." Jordan comfortingly told Darren as he softly hugged him back. He seemed be having a really rough go with this. "... look, I don't think it is healthy to sleep all the time, but if sleeping will honestly make you feel better, I can go and lay with you in the bedroom, until you fall asleep again, would you like that?" Jordan asked. He felt a bit defeated for just letting Darren continue on with his unobtainable dream, but he just seemed too emotional right now to rational look at the situation.

 

[InuMaki]

He shook his head when Jordan began insisting he wasn't going to leave him. He didn't understand. He didn't get why it was so devastating. "No...No, you, you don't understand. It was my fault you died. I didn't stop running with gangs. I went back to drugs. I ******** got worse, and...and then you ended up getting shot because of it. I saw the portrait, but...but it was like I could remember it happening. I could see you arguing with me over getting out of the gang and me getting pissed off and then...and then there was a run-by and you got shot instead of me, and..." He broke down in sobs once more as he held onto Jordan's shoulders. "...and then I felt you stop breathing. I tried to save you, but I couldn't, and..."

Eventually, he calmed himself down enough to nod at Jordan's suggestion of laying down together. "Yeah...that'd be nice. Thank you," he mumbled, holding tightly onto Jordan's shirt still, not wanting to let his friend go because he was so torn up about the whole thing. He was scared he was going to drop dead on him as irrational as the thought process was.

 

[UnDeadReaper95]

Jordan knew that something was deeply wrong with Darren. He wasn’t making a lot of sense. Things had gotten pretty dicey to be honest as far as their friendship goes. Jordan remember what it was like when Darren ran with the gangs. Jordan remembered the drugs, hell he did them, too. Jordan liked to pretend that he was saint compared to the way that Darren used to live, but he wasn’t. He was just as bad, if not worse. Not that Darren knew, of course. Darren was a lot more open about his drug abuse, but Jordan wasn’t. In fact other than a few times in the beginning, Jordan couldn’t remember ever being comfortable about doing drugs in front of Darren. Darren was his saving grace. The one person that didn’t give a s**t about past, present, or future. Jordan didn’t need the drugs when he had Darren’s unwavering, wordless support around him.

But now… Darren… Darren was broken. It was the first time Jordan could honestly say that. He had seen Darren after surviving being shot… overdosing… being beaten most of the way to death… but this was different. He looked like his relentless spirit had finally broken…. and Jordan didn’t know what to do. Jordan had always put up a wall of strength for Darren. He had to. Darren had been such a support beam for Jordan. Jordan wanted to be that for Darren, too. It was the least he could do… but he wasn’t as strong. He knew that. He knew that Darren’s comfort was real, and his own for Darren was hollow.

Darren was able to kick drugs long before Jordan did. Darren was able to survive getting out of the gang life. Jordan wasn’t even strong to be accepted into such a group. Their entire friendship worked because Darren was strong enough to support Jordan, and Jordan was able to hide his inability to return the comfort. That is why Jordan ran out after that stupid joke of a soulmate earlier, instead of staying with Darren. Jordan was practically incapable of being truly comforting. Jordan continued on living his lie though. At this point, it was unescapable. Jordan practically dragged Darren into his room and helped him onto the bed. The brunette then climbed into the bed next to him. He let Darren hold onto him, but Jordan felt empty in the exchange.

He laid there drowning in the reality of the situation. Darren was no longer strong enough to support Jordan or himself for that matter. Jordan wanted to cry that his lifeboat was sinking, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t feel anything other than this suffocating feeling of drowning. After what felt like hours of complete nothingness, Jordan got up. He was careful not to wake Darren’s sleeping form next to him, but he had to escape. Who was Jordan kidding? He couldn’t truly save Darren like Darren had saved him. There was a reason that Darren had broken until now. Whatever the ******** this other guy meant to him was more than Jordan could ever mean to him. That realize cut sharper than a knife.

At what point had Jordan stopped finding comfort in Darren, and start depending on him for existence. Maybe after that whole rotten soulmate situation happened. Either way, Jordan was able to keep from absolutely falling to pieces and going back to a crippling drug habit, because he still had Darren to hold him together. By force, if Darren had to. But now… what did Jordan have if Darren was falling to pieces or hell even if he worked this s**t out with that other guy. Jordan would have nothing again… just like before.

Jordan felt like his heart was breaking for the millionth time. It was like his nightmares, except there was no escape from them now. There was no waking up to a different reality. All of this was real. Jordan walked back to his room with an eerie calmness. He walked slowly over to his closet and he started to dig in the chest pushed in the back of it. Maybe if he was as strong as Darren was, he would have gotten rid of this crap, but he couldn’t. He wasn’t strong enough. Opening a small metal lunch box that was hidden in the bottom of the chest, Jordan’s eyes met with the heavy chains of his old life. His torture... his joy… his everything. Cocaine.

Jordan didn’t think twice before opening the small baggie and snorting a health hit off one of his fingers. After nearly an entire year of being in the cold, darkness of his trunk, the drug was good as it had ever been for Jordan. It made the all of his insecurities bleed from him like pouring rain, and suddenly as he slipped against the wall next to his closet in bliss. For the first time in ******** ages, Jordan was honestly happy. There wasn’t even a but to it. There wasn’t any limitations to his euphoria. He didn’t have to worry about waking up or falling sleep… he didn’t have to be scared of cocaine leaving him… it was there for him, just as it had always been there for him in the past.

Jordan sat there in the feeling as he just closed his eyes and breathed like he hadn’t for months. All the stress… all the angsty… all the pretending… it was just gone and replaced by filling completeness.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Russel blinked a few times and looked up into the empty dark room. He felt the presence of someone in the room again. “Darren?” Russel called as he stood up from his sitting position and turned around towards the presence. “Darren,” his voice sounded nothing, but relieved as he run dropped a small plaque and run to embrace the other. Russel didn’t look well. His face was pale and he still had red, swollen eyes from crying. “Darren, you came back… all the pictures… they disappeared when you left. I can’t seen them without you.” The blonde whispered as he hugged the other tightly. His eyes were starting to water like he was going to cry again.

“Please.. make the pictures come back… I want.. I want to see the happy picture again.” Russel whispered. He sounded desperate. Russel knew there was something wrong, but he couldn’t quite place the feeling. It was a haunting coldness, like he had left the window open and and couldn’t complete hide himself in his blankets.

 

[InuMaki]

"Russel," Darren breathed as the other male collided with him. He wrapped his arms around him tightly for a moment before allowing him to pull back. His face wa spuffy and red, and he looked panicked. "What's wr--" Russel cut him off, begging for the pictures to come back, and Darren's heart broke for him. "Russel, it's okay. It's okay," he soothed, pulling him forward gently and kissing his forehead. He pulled back to give him a soft smile and a reassuring gaze.

"I can't control it. I don't know if they're going to come back or not, but it's okay if they don't come back, because I'm here. I'm not going to leave you. Even if I wake up, I won't leave you now that I can see how much you need me. I promise." He pulled him against him once more and held him tightly for a moment, just enjoying having him in his arms once more. "What were you looking at when I came back?" he asked quietly, releasing russel from his grip and pulling back just a few inches. sliding his hands down his arms to weave his fingers with Russel's cautiously.

 

[UnDeadReaper95]

Darren seemed collected and sure of all of this. He’s soothing, calm voice felt like it knew the future, that it knew everything was going to be okay. Russel could feel the air filling his lungs, and he snuggled into the other’s warmth. Darren felt infinities warmer than him. He just couldn’t get any heat in him to save his life. Russel grew quiet just reveling in the warmth, until he heard Darren ask him a question. He looked up at the other with a questionable look. He didn’t know what Darren was talking about, and then it clicked that he had re-found the plague.

“…oh, I was looking at my name plague, or I guess you could say my legacy.” Russel whispered in a saddened tone. He pulled back from Darren as if he was starting to wake up to the reality, and the plague reappeared in his hands. There his name was engraved into the gold plate. It seemed so unreachable, yet the weight of it being in his hands felt like he might drop it from sheer lack of strength to hold it up. Russel felt the coldness growing stronger and suddenly they weren’t in the picture room. They were in Russel’s bedroom. Russel looked away from Darren to take in the new environment. It looked like it always did, except for one thing.

Russel turn completely around to look at his own four poster bed, and there he was. Lifelessly laying with one of his arms hung off the bed, Russel was passed out with his face buried in a pillow. Under the hand that was hanging off, there was an empty clear orange prescription bottle abandoned on the floor. Russel felt his heart sink. What had he done? He couldn’t remember. What was happening? In a panic, Russel ran over to his own body, and attempted to pull himself up, but he couldn’t even budge the body an inch. It was like he was physically there, but unable to actually effect anything. “D-Darren, I think I did something bad, but now I can’t remember.” Russel breathed in a panic as he looked over at the nightstand. A familiar squared liquor bottle was laying on its side nearly empty and with some of it spilled out on the wooden surface. His horrified face turned back to Darren.

“D-Darren, I-I..” Russel attempted to speak, but he suddenly felt his mouth not wanting to work. Looking back at his own body for a brief moment, Russel quickly moved back to Darren. “Darren. I-I need you to wake up and call my house. Call ******** someone. Please! God, I don’t want to die, I want us, I want to ******** get my chance at happiness!” Russel started to speak up in a panic. “Call my butler's phone number, its 566-4532. Please, Darren you have to wake up and save me” Russel practically cried, as he gripped the front of Darren’s shirt.