The Venting Junkyard Thread

[kerminatrix]

Heh, I barely recognize any of them. I don't nerd in the right direction for... well, this whole site, really. And yet here I am.  

[Hey Pasta]

D: I don't get it - I told both of them that I didn't want this other guy to have my alternate character's name so that I could at least play on that character without constantly getting whispers from him. How the hell did he get it? *sigh*  

[Lady Pyre]

I just love having panic attacks.

I should have dropped this bloody theatre class at the beginning of the semester like my mom told me to do, but I hate being a “quitter.” I’ve already fulfilled both of my arts requirements, so I don’t even need it - I just thought it would be fun. All it has done is give me panic attacks weekly.

I missed two classes towards the beginning of the semester because I was sick. The first day of class, our prof more or less told us that if we missed a class, tough luck. Theatre is run on definite deadlines and so is the class. Given my tremendous luck, we had pop quizzes both days, bringing my quiz grade to an F. I don’t know how many other days I was sick and busted my a** to get to class in hopes of bringing that up, but nope. We went from having a pop quiz every other day to not having a single one for a month. Thus I have only managed to bring my quiz grade up to a high D. (And to add salt to that wound, I misunderstood the attendance policy. He stressed attendance so much the first day that I figured I was just stuck playing Russian roulette with illnesses and hoping for the best. After re-reading the syllabus... if I had e-mailed him, those quizzes would not have counted against me. He would have simply thrown them out.)

He told us not to worry too much about our quiz grades because most of our total grade is from our reviews and front-of-house work. But it’s kinda hard not to panic. I’ve never failed a class in my life, and the thought of a class I didn’t even need to take shooting my GPA all to hell is not a pleasant thought.

Oh, but joyous day, there is more. The three shows he has assigned us to review are all quite far out of town. There are local shows, of course, but none are affiliated with our college, so they don’t get precedent. He told us we could see local shows if we ran them by him first, so I thought “Great! I’ll just see two local shows.” Just recently found out we can only substitute a local show for ONE of the assigned shows.

I have fibromyalgia. Driving long distances is about the easiest way to cause a flare-up. So how am I supposed to see one of these and then feel well enough to actually write a decent review?

Oh, and regarding the local shows? He told us the first day of class that this one show I really want to see was fair game. I asked him about it again today just to make sure, and he said, “Well, you can if you really want to. But I wouldn’t recommend it. It doesn’t have much in the way or narrative structure and may be very hard to review.” I know I am a good writer and I know I could probably do this, but my confidence is kinda shot to hell at this point and I really don’t want to risk ******** up the one thing that could save my grade.

I am just so stressed out right now. Only I could manage to have an above 100% average in geology and be damned near failing theatre.

Edit: I don't know if I should e-mail him and try to explain about my worries with the fibro to see if I could review two local shows. My mom always wants me to take in a letter from my neurologist the first day, but... There is just so much prejudice against this disorder, I'm always terrified. For every person who understands, there is another ignorant a*****e who thinks I'm crazy and "it's all in my head." As if anyone would consciously CHOOSE to be tired and in pain more often than not. I've gone from day-long hiking trips and karate lessons to struggling to manage more than two college courses at a time. YES, THAT IS PRECISELY WHAT I WANTED FROM MY LIFE.  

[Sevi Rais]

Lady Pyre

If you happen to be failing midway through the semester, you'll just have to drop it. That's usually what I do (otherwise your GPA will be shot).

I would also recommend giving a note from your neurologist about your disease. I had depression going through college and asked my psychiatrist to give them a letter explaining my problem. I seriously HATED doing it, but there was no other way to explain my lack of motivation in class. Actually, I would have failed a class if I hadn't talked to my teacher about it (and he actually gave me a C eek I was so happy, you have no idea). Yeah, I was petrified when meeting my teachers. Some I just gave the letter to them, others I had to physically go there if I was having too bad of a problem because I knew that a basic letter would not have helped.

I also hated giving up because I HATE being labeled a quitter. I don't quit, dang it!!

But I would do something about it, because sometimes, no matter how terrifying it is, you just have to go in there and do it. Be a man! *pumps fist* /jk  

[Lady Pyre]

Thanks for the pep talk, Sevi. I really needed that. *hugs*

And I can't withdraw. If you don't withdraw within the first two weeks of class, you get a "W" grade. Which just screams "I withdrew because I was failing." I'm past the point where I can choose to audit, too, which I really should have done in the first place. (But I had no idea I would be struggling with this class. I rarely get anything as low as a B, and this is an LER, for Chrissakes.)

I did send my professor an e-mail saying I was kinda freaking out about our reviews. I asked if I could either do two local shows or maybe have an extra class period if he was adamant on my seeing a show out of town. But I'm not sure if he can give me any leeway because I'm not sure I'm registered with Student Disability Services, anymore. I know this used to be on file, but I took a couple of semesters off, and when I came back all of my accounts were totally ******** up and I spent my first semester sorting most of them out. I do have a letter from my neurologist, so I hope that helps.

And I know I can still bring my grade up to a B, if not an A. I'm just... I've never had to play catch-up like this. It's almost hilarious. I saw my psychiatrist a month ago and he said I was doing so great. And all of a sudden - five panic attacks a day! Please do not ever tell me how great I am doing again. -_-

Apparently our prof was late in updating our quiz average, too. He said he would after class Thursday. I checked on Saturday and still only had a 67.5% average after our acting quiz that I thought I did great on. I checked again tonight and it was a 75, so that is a solid C. Plus, I think we still have a good half of our quiz grades to go. Each review is worth 100 points: 10 just for the ticket stub, 20 for grammar (and given how ******** horrible our professor's spelling is, this English major can blow him out of the water on that), and 70 for content. Just showing up to usher is another 10% of our grade. And then there is the final exam, which I should do okay on. My grade is down so low right now because I completely missed two quizzes - not because I don't know the material. I was actually shocked when I saw my average because I knew I'd done well on every quiz I had taken.  

[Hey Pasta]

You can totally do this, Pyre. I agree completely with Sevi that talking to your professor is a good idea - and yeah, take in the note from your neurologist and make sure to explain about all your accounts getting messed up. So long as he understands that you're not just being whiny and looking for handouts but that you're really trying to save your grade, I think you'll be fine (unless he's a complete a*****e, in which case we'll hunt him down for you).

But yeah, you've got this. =)  

[Lady Pyre]

*deep breaths* Thanks, Pazzy.

I've been kinda flipping out all day waiting for a response to me e-mail ,but I finally got it. He wrote me an essay!

He told me that I could do two local shows. He also said that had been an option all semester, so I don't know how I got confused about it. I think it was that when I was asking him about what was fair game on Tuesday he said we could "substitute one for one." And I went, "Oooooh, s**t. I can only blow off ONE of our assigned shows." I don't know. He's a nice guy, but he has a really confusing way of talking sometimes. I know I've missed a few quiz questions just because he words things so strangely. (He actually threw out one of the questions on our last quiz because our answers were so all over the place that he knew none of us were even sure what he was asking.)

So now I am both relieved and nervous all over again. Because one of the shows I am going to try to review is the one he said was technically fair game but may be difficult to write about. And I'm worried about the mixed message that will send. "Oh, hey. I'm really worried about my grade, so I'm going to pick this show you told us was really difficult to review." I'm just hoping that my background as an English major will work in my favor. It's not like critical analysis is anything new to me - just the medium I'm analyzing.  

[Sevi Rais]

Lady Pyre

Thanks for the pep talk, Sevi. I really needed that. *hugs*

And I can't withdraw. If you don't withdraw within the first two weeks of class, you get a "W" grade. Which just screams "I withdrew because I was failing." I'm past the point where I can choose to audit, too, which I really should have done in the first place. (But I had no idea I would be struggling with this class. I rarely get anything as low as a B, and this is an LER, for Chrissakes.)

I did send my professor an e-mail saying I was kinda freaking out about our reviews. I asked if I could either do two local shows or maybe have an extra class period if he was adamant on my seeing a show out of town. But I'm not sure if he can give me any leeway because I'm not sure I'm registered with Student Disability Services, anymore. I know this used to be on file, but I took a couple of semesters off, and when I came back all of my accounts were totally ******** up and I spent my first semester sorting most of them out. I do have a letter from my neurologist, so I hope that helps.

And I know I can still bring my grade up to a B, if not an A. I'm just... I've never had to play catch-up like this. It's almost hilarious. I saw my psychiatrist a month ago and he said I was doing so great. And all of a sudden - five panic attacks a day! Please do not ever tell me how great I am doing again. -_-

Apparently our prof was late in updating our quiz average, too. He said he would after class Thursday. I checked on Saturday and still only had a 67.5% average after our acting quiz that I thought I did great on. I checked again tonight and it was a 75, so that is a solid C. Plus, I think we still have a good half of our quiz grades to go. Each review is worth 100 points: 10 just for the ticket stub, 20 for grammar (and given how ******** horrible our professor's spelling is, this English major can blow him out of the water on that), and 70 for content. Just showing up to usher is another 10% of our grade. And then there is the final exam, which I should do okay on. My grade is down so low right now because I completely missed two quizzes - not because I don't know the material. I was actually shocked when I saw my average because I knew I'd done well on every quiz I had taken.

Yeah, that's what I meant. Just get a W. Yeah it's a bad label but it's waaay worse if your GPA drops. I just took the W myself if I had to. Ah well if it isn't great, better than being in the 2.0 GPA bracket.

But it sounds like you'll be okay considering that it looks like your grade can increase exponentially or drop like a rock, so maybe it's common.

Oh geez, I'm like this weirdo who loves encouragement, but also hates it because I'll always suck later and do poorly. It's like they jinx me when they say how great I'm doing. So I kinda hate encouragement, too? XD Okay, I like a mixture of good and bad.

Oh, funny story, one time I did a paper on a book my teacher wrote, only to find out that wasn't one of the assigned books we had to review. He still gave me an A, though. @________@ Nice of him! Also, I sweeear I was going to have some sort of attack when I missed a quiz in my Art history class, but I was able to convince her to let me take it again. Then the coup de grace when I did a 25 paper thesis with 78 footnote citations AND WORD WOULDN'T TRANSFER THE DOCUMENT. Almost had a nervous breakdown if not for my friend who calmly put in the notations for me. AGH, COLLEGE!

I seriously hate college after being there. All the stuff you're going through reminds me of the past. gonk WHEN YOU LEAVE YOU WILL BE HAPPY. scream heart Haha!  

[Lady Pyre]

Sevi Rais

Oh, funny story, one time I did a paper on a book my teacher wrote, only to find out that wasn't one of the assigned books we had to review. He still gave me an A, though. @________@ Nice of him! Also, I sweeear I was going to have some sort of attack when I missed a quiz in my Art history class, but I was able to convince her to let me take it again. Then the coup de grace when I did a 25 paper thesis with 78 footnote citations AND WORD WOULDN'T TRANSFER THE DOCUMENT. Almost had a nervous breakdown if not for my friend who calmly put in the notations for me. AGH, COLLEGE!

I seriously hate college after being there. All the stuff you're going through reminds me of the past. gonk WHEN YOU LEAVE YOU WILL BE HAPPY. scream heart Haha!

Oh lord, that sounds like a nightmare. Your friend sounds like a life-saver. Although, I thought you majored in English? Or did I just get that idea because you're always doing Nano? I thought footnotes were APA format.

And tell me about it. When I was in high school, everyone told me how great college was. You have so much more freedom than in high school, you can blow off class, you'll meet tons of amazing people! No, no, and no. All I've had are panic attacks and nervous breakdowns. (Well, I guess if by "amazing people" you mean "awesome professors," that part is true. But I'm not exactly going to go hang out with my teachers - that would just be strange.)

I had another minor freakout today when I realized my second ushering gig is two days after the deadline on our syllabus. And I felt like such an idiot because I have been making so many scheduling ******** this semester. So I asked my prof about it and he was really nice. He said not to worry about it. The deadline was there because the dean didn't want shows interfering with finals, but I was okay since that was still well before then. And he told me I was far too stressed out over nothing and just needed to relax. So, yeah... This is me relaxing.

(And praise be, we had a lengthy pop quiz, today. Ten questions, thirty points, and I got them all right. Even outdid the group in front of me who always seems to know the answers to the tricky questions. Uh... I usually do, too. But then I'd panic and change my answer because he used to move REALLY fast and I didn't have much time to debate with myself. I guess some of the feedback he got was that he went too quickly because he's slowed down a lot, now.)  

[Sevi Rais]

Lady Pyre

Oh lord, that sounds like a nightmare. Your friend sounds like a life-saver. Although, I thought you majored in English? Or did I just get that idea because you're always doing Nano? I thought footnotes were APA format.

It's always been history, but I love English too. Just never thought about being a writer until after college.

Footnotes for history is Chicago manual type. You know, it really sucks that my entire life I was taught how to write in English when History is a different form of writing ... so it was like I was re-teaching myself what to do all over again and I never learned how until my last year of college. ):<<<

Quote:

And tell me about it. When I was in high school, everyone told me how great college was. You have so much more freedom than in high school, you can blow off class, you'll meet tons of amazing people! No, no, and no. All I've had are panic attacks and nervous breakdowns. (Well, I guess if by "amazing people" you mean "awesome professors," that part is true. But I'm not exactly going to go hang out with my teachers - that would just be strange.)

I KNOW!!!!!!!!! This is what got to me the most! I had the worst time in college! Once I left, I was so happy. So sooo happy. crying heart

I could probably own college now if I went back, but I never want to go back there ever again. scream

Quote:

(And praise be, we had a lengthy pop quiz, today. Ten questions, thirty points, and I got them all right. Even outdid the group in front of me who always seems to know the answers to the tricky questions. Uh... I usually do, too. But then I'd panic and change my answer because he used to move REALLY fast and I didn't have much time to debate with myself. I guess some of the feedback he got was that he went too quickly because he's slowed down a lot, now.)

I hate it when I panic and changed my answer because I second guess myself. Makes me feel like an idiot. ):< I'm way better at school than I give myself credit for ... but teachers will always give me a crap grade just to "see" if I'll do better next time. I hate teacher mind games!! UGH! *defenestrate*

Also, beat NaNo in 5 days. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! emotion_bigheart  

[Lady Pyre]

Sevi Rais

It's always been history, but I love English too. Just never thought about being a writer until after college.

Footnotes for history is Chicago manual type. You know, it really sucks that my entire life I was taught how to write in English when History is a different form of writing ... so it was like I was re-teaching myself what to do all over again and I never learned how until my last year of college. ):<<<

Not even sure what that is. And even though I've been doing MLA for ages, I can never ******** remember what goes where. I just have this handy-dandy manual I kept from high school that covers MLA and APA (which I would be using if I'd stuck with psychology).

Sevi Rais

I KNOW!!!!!!!!! This is what got to me the most! I had the worst time in college! Once I left, I was so happy. So sooo happy. crying heart

I could probably own college now if I went back, but I never want to go back there ever again. scream

Yeah, that kinda is what caused my nervous breakdown when I went away to school. I was used to being a loner, but the expectation that there was actually the possibility of a social life in college just... I tried so ******** hard to go out of my comfort zone and make friends, and everybody blew me off.

That wasn't the only problem, but it was the straw that broke my back. So now I have no expectations beyond going to class and doing homework.

Sevi Rais

Also, beat NaNo in 5 days. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! emotion_bigheart

I will never understand how you write so fast. 1000 words takes me three hours. I could never do Nano.  

[Sevi Rais]

I wanted to challenge myself this year to do 50k in 5 days. Last year I tried and failed. :/

I can write fast, but after a while (especially at night) a lot of stuff just doesn't make sense. And it's all a mess, but it doesn't matter, I just fix all that stuff in editing. I make the complete book and then I go back and take out scenes I don't like or redo scenes to make a smaller word count.

I never thought I could do a lot of words until I did Nano. And, yeah, at first I cared about what the writing sounded like in the first page blahblah, but the point of NaNo is to accomplish 50k words and not edit. Editing is for later. I do this because I remember editing a scene forever that I ended up taking out. So what's the point? It's better to see the whole story first and then cut scenes that are unnecessary.

A lot of it is just a bunch of scene chunks. I need to make the ending (which I've only just barely started on). Then I'm going to organize it all and add transitions and such. I wrote my last novel a lot differently than this one, but eh. Whatever. XD  

[Hey Pasta]

I know it's a bit early for Christmas music, but I haven't had what's felt like a "real" Christmas in five years...so I'm determined to fully enjoy it this year.

...although in all honesty without snow it's going to be a little difficult. Stupid central coast weather. D:



I tried doing NaNoWriMo once but gave up after like two weeks. *shrug* I think my biggest problem was that I didn't know how what I was writing was going to end - all I had was the starting idea and I got pretty stuck after that. Sads.  

[Xanilus]

While cleaning out an old hard drive I found a folder of old IM conversations. Apparently the history log had been turned on at one point.

I should have deleted them.

Instead, I sat and read a few. Then I read a few more.

I have thoroughly depressed myself, now.  

[Lady Pyre]

Xanilus

While cleaning out an old hard drive I found a folder of old IM conversations. Apparently the history log had been turned on at one point.

I should have deleted them.

Instead, I sat and read a few. Then I read a few more.

I have thoroughly depressed myself, now.

Oh, I know how that is. I used to save chat transcripts religiously, and I have no idea why. The funny ones, okay, but why would I want to go back and revisit some of the most depressing conversations of my life? Because they were "important"? Pah!