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Pure Acid Dreamer Captain
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Posted: Fri Aug 16, 2024 8:42 pm
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There was still a lot they didn't know about each, this much he could not deny. A lot of the time he felt like he had learned more about Kieran through Abel. And that was mostly due to the fact that whatever was bothering them, Kieran would not tell him directly. Like it or not, he couldn't change that Abel probably knew more about him. It was bound to happen seeing as they had kept on somewhat friendly terms throughout his relationship with Kieran, and even after it ended. Jakob didn't want to think that there was no hope for them outside of sex. Maybe he was just being optimistic or just plain stupid in that fact. Regardless, he was more than willing to at least try to fill in the blanks. He wondered if the same could be said for Kieran.
Jakob relaxed while the male continued to touch him. He was glad at least one of them liked the new so-called feature. For him, it was just a reminder of his stupidity. When Kieran questioned him, he knew it best to answer rather than remain silent. Jakob couldn't help his habit of staying silent sometimes. It wasn't that he didn't want to speak or had nothing to say - though sometimes that was true as well. It was just that he wasn't always sure how Kieran would respond. When Jakob did speak, he gave him a simple answer, one he often used with Abel. The question that soon followed was somewhat expected. Sighing softly, he shifted and moved to lay on his stomach. "Hmm, there are some things I like." he replied honestly. "Everything is walkable, the universal healthcare is nice, I've got family not too far from here." Laying his head on his arm, Jakob looked towards Kieran. He wanted to ask him the same, but he already knew the answer. Kieran likely wouldn't be here if Abel thought he was happy.
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Pure Acid Dreamer Captain
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Posted: Sat Aug 17, 2024 5:26 pm
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Pure Acid Dreamer Captain
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Posted: Sat Aug 17, 2024 7:22 pm
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Jakob didn't think he had it in him to endure another argument. Not today anyway. If Kieran wanted to fight, he was going home. He didn't mind talking however, but so far it seemed he was the only one keeping up the conversation. He found that he didn't mind it too much as it allowed him to get his thoughts and feelings out with minimum judgement. As they laid there quietly, Jakob continued to ramble. He didn't want any pity or sympathy, it was just the truth about how he'd been living, and he thought Kieran might care to know. Beside him, he heard the male speak up once more. He smiled to himself as he recalled the old conversations with his mother and grandparents. "I told them that I liked being America, Chicago specifically. And that I had forgotten to tell them that I just so happened to extend my visa, so I could stay with some friends and keep on traveling." he replied honestly. It had been a bit of a silly lie, but one that supposedly worked in the end. He wasn't entirely sure how much they bought it. But they had accepted his story all about the sites, the culture, the food, and everything else he saw in his travels.
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Pure Acid Dreamer Captain
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Posted: Sat Aug 17, 2024 9:02 pm
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It felt good to be able to just talk like this. To be open, honest, free even. Whether Kieran was listening or not, he wasn't too sure. He knew that he was paying just enough attention to have some follow-up questions, and he found that he liked that. It felt like they were having a real conversation for once. Jakob smiled as he told him about his deceit towards his family. While he wasn't proud of it, he was glad that they believed him enough to not question it. When Kieran spoke again his question surprised him. He contemplated it a moment, never having really thought about himself. "I think it was a few things really." he said slowly.
"Mostly I think I was angry at a bunch of trivia stuff. Things like my parents divorce, my mixed heritage, being forced to travel all the time. It just felt like I never belonged anywhere. Not in São Paulo and not in Düsseldorf. By the time I was in high school I had let that anger fester. I started feeling these urges to lash out in violent ways, though I never acted on them until I reached uni." When he finished speaking, again he was unsure if Kieran would understand. Compared to Kieran's own personal history his reasons probably sounded laughable to lead to murder. Much less a professional career.
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Pure Acid Dreamer Captain
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Posted: Sat Aug 17, 2024 10:33 pm
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Pure Acid Dreamer Captain
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Posted: Sun Aug 18, 2024 10:26 am
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Jakob knew that he wasn't making himself very clear. He didn't really talk about that part of himself, mostly because no one had ever asked him. It felt strange to talk about his path in life, almost like he was talking about someone else. It made him curious why now of all times Kieran wanted to know everything, but he didn't say anything. He didn't want to ruin things as he was actually enjoying the conversation, despite the current subject matter. When the man spoke again, he noticed the switch to something more mundane. He didn't mind, perhaps that bit of himself was too morbid. "I hadn't really gotten around to choosing a major yet. The first year classes are pretty similar to what you had in high school. So think maths, literature, science, history, and English." he explained. Having never been himself, he wasn't entirely sure how close that education model followed an American university regimen. He wasn't even sure if Kieran had sought after a higher education. "Had I stayed I think I would have done something with computers or research. Whenever there was an assignment that leaned into one or the other it seemed like that was where I excelled the most."
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Pure Acid Dreamer Captain
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Posted: Sun Aug 18, 2024 1:56 pm
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Though he wasn't used to it, he preferred the talking. He liked the noise, he liked having something to focus on, and not worrying about the silence between them. In the past he often opted for silence for fear of being wrong or saying something stupid. If he wanted to move forward with Kieran, he knew that that wasn't going to work this time. They needed to be able to talk to one another, even when they were afraid of hurting the others feelings. Jakob didn't want to get caught in the same pattern as before.
As they continued their conversation Jakob commented about what little schooling he had taken. It wasn't much, but it been a start to something he had once thought would be a better future. While he had never officially decided on a major, he did for a moment dream about what it might be. Most of what he knew now he learned on his own and through the very few friends he'd made along the way while in Cornelius's group. Hearing Kieran speak again, he glanced his way before giving a light shrug. "I don't know...I've thought about it. I'm sure my mom would like it if I did. Plus, it's not like it cost that much. Public universities are free and course books are relatively affordable." he replied. Shifting again, he moved back to his side. "It just feels like I missed my chance, you know. That I'm too old now, and I should just keep on working. If I ever get bored at the pub it's not as though I can't go find something else." Since coming home Jakob hadn't put much thought into any long term goals. He seemed to just be existing.
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Pure Acid Dreamer Captain
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Posted: Sun Aug 18, 2024 9:22 pm
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With no real dreams or long term goals it was hard to think about what he should be doing with his life. For the moment he found it much easier to focus on making enough to pay his bills and feed himself. Since he didn't have a lot of friends outside of work, and he wasn't seeing anyone regularly, the need for any extra income wasn't necessary either. However, it was starting to become tedious. He was lonely, and tired. He didn't want to be stuck like this forever.
Answering the next question, Jakob shifted to his side as he explained himself once more. Beside him, Kieran rolled his eyes as he moved to sit up. He smiled to himself as he was reminded of his age. "Old enough." he replied. Jakob knew he wasn't that he wasn't so old. However, he had at least a good decade on most of the freshman entering Uni. Most students his age already had a Bachelor's degree and were aiming for something even higher. When Kieran spoke again, it was a fair question. "Uh...maybe three, no four jobs." he replied. "The pub is my full-time job. For a couple of months I did some part-time at a nearby office, and the other two were just temporary positions during Christmas." He wasn't sure what point Kieran was trying to make but he saw no point in lying to him.
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