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 Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 7:37 am
(comments are allowed)
This whole summer I've been trying to get over my anxiety so I can finally get a job. However, my parents don't understand anything. (That sounds so cliche, doesn't it?) My dad just throws a tantrum whenever it's a bit difficult for me to do things, and my mom just ignores it. Which is why I've created this journal; no one else will listen to me. xd
Anyways, yesterday I saw an ad in the paper for counter help at a dry cleaner's, so I went there and got my application. However I ticked off my dad because I was too nervous to drive, so he had to take me. And today I looked at my job application and saw that my cats had chewed it up. I immediately started to freak out: the people at the job would just think I was irresponsible. I can't show up and ask for another application someone will recognize me and think I was stupid or something.
So now I've ticked off my dad even more, and he stormed off and got the application for me. I feel like crap, I'm never going to survive in this world because I'm too worried to do anything on my own. Today was supposed to be my big change too, I was going to act all responsible and do everything on my own. Instead I'm just like a scared little girl who is unable to do anything.
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Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 1:04 pm
I too have anxiety problems. I quit mcdonald's after having a panic attack a few years ago. After therapy and meds and alot of help I am now a cashier at a grocery store. I could do better and I'm working on that. The point of saying all this is to say that you'll make it in the working world. The future is ready for your taking.
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Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2006 1:46 pm
Thanks for posting, Darialan. Your words are truly helpful, and it's nice knowing other people go through what I do.
Well, today I attempted to hand in my job application. It's a good thing I had my dad with me because I started freaking out so much I cried. He drove away (I hadn't even left the car, so I didn't turn in my app.) and decided that tomorrow we'll talk to my doctor. My dad wants me to get therapy, so he'll bring that up tomorrow. I can't say I'm too thrilled about that, but whatever helps I guess.
edit: My appointment was actually moved to Monday, and I did end up turning in my job application.
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Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 1:24 pm
The doctor has put me on a higher dosage of Lexapro, so we'll see how it goes now.
Right now I feel numb and somewhat depressed. I had an appointment at the dentist today. My dad didn't research our insurance enough so we found out at the office that it doesn't cover braces. I felt embarassed, especially since the secretary was talking to us as if we were children.
After we left I told my dad how disrespectful the secretary was, and he went on this whole rampage about how I care too much about other people. He made a point to say that he could care less about other's opinions. Sometimes he acts like the solution to my anxiety is to be just like him.
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Posted: Tue Sep 19, 2006 2:36 pm
I've been kinda depressed lately, though that's usually what happens when I'm on my period. I've felt fat (though I'm 100 pounds), disappointed, and unloved. I'm mostly upset because I'm almost 18 and I've never had a boyfriend or been in love before. I really really wish I had someone I could talk to or spend time with. Sometimes my silly mind creates these fantasies where I have an imaginary boyfriend, yeah it's really pathetic.
This school year is going so well, but I don't feel happy. No matter what, I always assume that I'll be a failure. I mean, what if I go to college and I just can't make it in the real world? What if I take out all those loans to pay for the expenses, just to find out I'll be a nobody. I hate this worry.
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Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 4:49 am
I feel that way about girls and I'm 29. I even have fantasies like that. Always have.
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Posted: Thu Sep 21, 2006 12:59 pm
I believe I had a panic attack at school today. It was awful, I had the usual symptoms I always have: nausea, numbness in hands, sweating, lightheaded, breathing heavy, etc.
But this time something else happened. This time my mouth went numb and I couldn't speak properly. Luckily my best friend was in my class and told the teacher I was sick, so I was able to get to the office that way.
My dad will make an appointment so I can go to the doctor, but this was all so frightening. Now I'm just exhausted, but I don't want to go to sleep.
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