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 Posted: Mon Dec 30, 2024 8:35 pm
It was strange to feel so comfortable, being held like this. He didn’t think he would have, but it was safe and warm.
He didn’t know what else to say. There were so many thoughts whirling around his head, a storm of emotions that he’d kept suppressed for so long. Regret, relief, hope, despair. It felt like the most he could do was wallow in the mess he’d made for himself.
He was a Knight. And he’d almost been killed in spite of that. Someone he cared about -- someone who rightfully despised him -- had been put in danger, and he couldn’t do anything to fend off a Captain.
He was unwanted by his family, but he knew his mother wouldn’t just let him go. Not when she got money for him existing. When he ran out of usefulness, though… What then? He’d been saving almost every penny he got from working for Evan for when that time came. He couldn’t be a burden on anyone. He didn’t want to make them think he was going to take advantage of their kindness. He knew Evan would give him anything. He knew Julian, too. Elliot and Atticus. Dawn. Even Maisie, probably.
Énna…
Riker didn’t deserve Énna’s forgiveness, but that wouldn’t stop him from trying to make it up to him. Yvoire tried so hard to help him fight off that Captain, even if he was still upset with him for keeping his identity a secret.
It was embarrassing to cry like this. He’d never done it in front of someone else before. Only ever alone. Of course, he felt bad for it, and after several minutes of finally calming down, he lifted his shirt up to rub his face with it, not wanting to get Evan even more wet than he was.
“Thanks, mom…” he mumbled quietly. There was no teasing in his voice. He was grateful and wished he could do more to express it.
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Posted: Mon Dec 30, 2024 8:37 pm
Evan didn’t know how long they’d been sitting there. Not long enough for Maxim to get tired of watching them with baleful eyes, waiting to see if there was more that he could do. Long enough for Evan’s arm to tingle from holding it up for so long, but not long enough that he couldn’t ignore it.
He waited for Riker to wipe his face up a bit, and then he pulled a few more tissues for him. Evan still stroked his hair.
“Any time, Riker.” He hadn’t counted how many times he’d said it, but now that Riker could hear him, he made sure to tell him, “I’m proud of you. I’ll get you some water in a minute, but let’s just stay put for now.”
He wasn’t ready to let go.
He had to get up to take care of his hair, and to get Riker some food, but he couldn’t imagine leaving him right now. He pressed his cheek against the crown of Riker’s head and drew in a deep breath. He held it for a moment, and as he slowly released it, he found himself still thinking about how unfair things had been to Riker. How much he was missing.
How much he’d had to sacrifice. He was a child. Maybe not for much longer, but how much had he missed out on because his family took it from him?
Was he going to go back to them after all of this? He didn’t want to give Riker back. His family didn’t deserve him. They made him think he had to be someone else, made him think his only value was in a form of monetary compensation.
Would they harass him for being gone? He couldn’t tell them about being a Knight. He couldn’t tell them about being hurt. Why would they care? They hurt him already.
Riker got the s**t end of the stick at nearly every chance the universe could hand it to him. Evan couldn’t do much, not in the grand, cosmic scheme of the universe. But, he could do a little. And he’d always promised that he would try to be better than his parents. He’d be who he needed when he didn’t have them.
He wasn’t perfect, but he tried.
So, he pressed one more kiss atop Riker’s head, and said, “You’re a good kid. A good son. I love you, Riker.”
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Posted: Mon Dec 30, 2024 8:38 pm
Any attempt at rebuilding walls and keeping the tears held back was completely shattered by just three sentences. It startled him at first, because hearing those words for the first time felt better than he’d imagined they would.
He felt them. They weren’t empty to fill in the silence or patch holes where Evan might have thought they needed a bit of mending. But they were real. As real as the arms around him and the kiss on his head.
Riker at least had tissues now to sob into, and not make Evan’s shirt even more saturated. And Maxim was still there to keep them company.
After a few steadying breaths through the tears, Riker gave Evan a tighter squeeze for just a moment.
“I love you, too,” he whispered, choked on the words that he’d been thinking already but didn’t know if it was okay to say.
He didn’t fully understand what he did to deserve how Evan felt about him, but he knew he never wanted to disappoint him or let him down.
Fin!
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