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 Posted: Mon May 09, 2011 1:16 am
It's warmer outside, but still frigid inside, and you can't go outdoors.
I wish my eye didn't hurt.
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Posted: Thu May 12, 2011 12:40 pm
You have no eyes to hurt.
I wish I Could catch the swine that stole my laptop and cut off his fingers. Then his balls. Maybe his slash his wrists too.
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Posted: Thu May 12, 2011 9:03 pm
You are then arrested, found guilty of mutilation and possible death, and sentenced to life in prison.
I wish I didn't have so much dandruff.
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Posted: Thu May 19, 2011 1:01 pm
You have none. You also have no hair and have a lego brick in its place.
I wish I hadn't missed the special events in my games.
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Posted: Thu May 19, 2011 11:04 pm
You find the special events and it turns out they're really not that special.
I wish nips would cut down on the drugs and stop seeing lego bricks on people's heads.
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Posted: Fri May 20, 2011 3:51 am
He now sees everybody with Turkeys on their heads.
I wish my neck didn't hurt.
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Posted: Sat May 21, 2011 10:06 pm
You no longer have a neck and can't move your head in any direction.
I wish I could spend a little more time in my college town.
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Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2011 1:36 pm
You're trapped there, forever.
I wish these downloads would download a little quicker
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Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 12:57 am
You are then seized and arrested by the cops, charged with the felony of piracy.
I wish I were a pirate.
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Posted: Fri Jun 21, 2013 1:36 am
You're a pirate on the most feared pirate ship ever and a charged with mutiny and thrown overboard within an hour.
I wish I was American.
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Posted: Thu Jun 27, 2013 12:00 am
You become American, but you wind up being put under surveillance by the NSA, unemployed due to the economy, abused by the one percent, and in massive student debt.
THIS IS REAL, PEOPLE.
I wish I could lose at least twenty pounds.
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Posted: Thu Jun 27, 2013 5:33 am
You lose twenty pounds, every day for a month!!
I wish I could find my phone charger
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Posted: Thu Jun 27, 2013 12:55 pm
You do - and it doesn't work.
I wish I could be in a band again.
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Posted: Fri Jun 28, 2013 4:15 am
You form a band the likes of which have never been seen! But you only know one song and you all can only play the spoons.
I wish I didn't have work tonight.
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Posted: Sat Jun 29, 2013 12:24 am
You're so bored that you do something crazy, which ultimately results in the destruction of your country.
I wish it were colder outside.
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