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| Which one should be the fight next? |
| Sakura Kinomoto vs. Agumon |
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10% |
[ 1 ] |
| Sailor Uranus vs. Godzilla |
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80% |
[ 8 ] |
| Sailors Mars and Venus vs. Sailors Mercury and Jupiter |
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10% |
[ 1 ] |
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| Total Votes : 10 |
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 Posted: Tue Sep 18, 2007 7:34 am
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Easy links:
Fight 2: http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?page=1&t=10566365#129420088
Fight 3: http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?page=1&t=10566365#131444805
Fight 4: http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?page=1&t=10566365#132259674
For those who've never read a Deathmatch fanfic, the premise is simple: You gather an author and one or two other guest commentators, a few thousand assorted characters as crowd, and two or more characters willing to kick each other's a** in a ring/arena/metal cage/wherever, and you have some madness assured.
For this one, I'll do a vote thing on each episode, to decide what the next fight will be (if no votes are cast after a few days, I'll just decide myself.) First episode is an epic battle between Master Chief and Vegetta.
Some of the characters here are from my fanfics, but all characters may have their OOC moments for the sake of parody.
So, with that said, let's start this.
Razor's Demented Deathmatch
Fight 1 - Master Chief vs. Vegetta
By Razor Knight
------------
Location: The Deathmatch Arena, Tokyo.
The five Inner Senshi, along with Razor's pet OC, Terry Zephyr, can be seen walking into the massive stadium in their civilian forms. Over it's main entrance there's a massive sign "Razor's Demented Deathmatch."
Ami: Girls, I really hope we don't have to fight in this one.
Minako: Why not? It sounds like it'll be a lot of fun.
Ami: Yeah but still... It's a deathmatch.
Mako: It's just a name, nobody ever dies in these.
Usagi: And if they do, there's enough anime and videogame reviving devices to take care of it.
Terry: I for one want to fight. Specially against someone who can't melee. It'll be a fun carnage.
By now, the group has reached the arena, and sit down in their places, which are not surprisingly in the first row. The stadium is packed full of both anime and non-anime people. The guy in the center seat of the commenter's booth turns back to them and smiles.
????? ??????: Welcome, guys. Good to see you made it in time.
The Senshi look at the guy. Tall, with black long hair tied in a low ponytail and black rimmed glasses over his brown eyes. He's wearing a black t-shirt and black jeans.
Rei: I hope this fight is good, Razor.
Razor Knight: Hey it's good enough for a first battle, believe me.
???????????: I just hope Vegetta doesn't give that Chief loser a deadly beating.
Razor: (Looks at the black Gatomon lookalike with red gloves and a black ring in her tail.) As long as it's fun to watch, I don't care.
Ami: What's DarkGatomon doing here?
Razor: Commenting the fights, like me.
DarkGatomon: Better than you, you mean...
Razor: Shut up.
Rei: Wait why are there three seats?
Razor: Hmmm... The third commentator should be here already.
As if on cue, a white-cloaked, pink haired female figure walks into the stadium, and walks up to the booth. Her face's covered by the cloak's hood, making it impossible to see who she is. Razor grins at her.
Mako: (Notices the figure has pink hair.) Hey is she the White Mage girl from Final Fantasy 1-3?
????: (To Mako.) Depending on how I level up, I can be a WM. (To Razor.) Sorry I'm late.
Razor: Not really. We haven't started yet, Ritz.
Ritz: (Drops cloak revealing her true self, she's wearing a dark green chainmail and her "Femme Fatale" fencing sword is hanging from her belt.) Good.
Razor: ... (Stares.)
Ritz: Razor?
DarkGatomon: Snap out of it, Raz, we have a fight to start!
Razor: Ritz-chan... (Stares.)
DarkGatomon: -_- Ami, could you please...?
Ami: (Nods and summons a small snowball. A jet of ice shots from it, hitting Razor dead on.)
Razor: (Cooled down.) O-okay, I'm back to normal. (Puts on his headphones. The other two commentators follow suit.)
DarkGatomon: (Muttering.) And is that a good thing? (Outloud.) Ladies, gentlemen and alien creatures of assorted and/or switching gender, welcome to Razor's Anime Deathmatch!
Ritz: I see you're starting this one with a big bang, pun intended.
Razor: (Shrugs.) There's a lot of people who assume I don't like Vegetta, but that is as false as Tifa's breasts. So I want to give him a chance to fight in this tournament and prove himself worthy.
Rei: (Sighs.) They talk a lot. Someone should tell them that.
Ami: As a matter of fact, Forte did.
Mako: (Surprised.) He did??
Ami: See that black desktop lamp in the booth? That's no lamp. That's Forte' buster arm, modded into a lamp.
Minako: O_o;
Ami: And believe me, you don't want to know what happened to the rest of Forte.
Rei: o_O;
Terry: Bleh. Razor's not that tough. Or that catbitch for that matter.
A barrage of razor blades and a black lightning bolt shoot out from the booth and hit Terry dead-on, sending him crashing into the stadium's wall.
Ami: I know I'm supposed to get mad at Razor for that, but... Terry asked for it.
Terry: My... Sple... Eeeen X_x
Razor: If we're done with the comic relief --
Everyone Else In The Stadium: ARE YOU EVER??
Razor: Shut up. Anyways, let's introduce tonight's fighters. Not that they really need an introduction. The first one's none other than the tough-to-the-bone, cold-blooded, sarcastic, alien slayer and overall bad-a**, Master Chief!
MC drives his Warthog close to the arena, leaps out of it and waves at the cheering crowd. A soldier jumps off from the crowd and drives the Warthog out.
Chief: (To the soldier as the Warthog exits the stadium.) You scratch it and I'll scratch you, ya hear?
Razor: He rocks. Period.
DarkGatomon: (Sarcastically) I see you're as unbiased as usual.
Razor: (Shrugs.) Whatever. Time to introduce the second fighter. It's everyone's favorite villian and my favorite Saiya-jin, the Saiya-jin no Ouji, Vegetta!
Vegetta materializes into the arena, looks at MC for a second then smirks and gives him the middle finger salute. MC returns the favor.
Ritz: I was SO expecting that from them.
DarkGatomon: Y'know, Raz, Vegetta is NOT everyone's favorite character in DBZ.
Razor: Well, smart people likes him. There's some humans out there that for some reason think Yamcha is better.
DarkGatomon: Better as a practice dummy. And I emphasize 'dummy.'
Razor: Okay, since both fighters are ready to battle, it's time for...
DarkGatomon: Not that.
Razor: A commercial break! (Insane laughter ensues.)
Ritz: Yes, that. (Sighs.) We'll be right back.
------------
Commercial Break.
The cammera slowly zooms in to a large, peaceful-looking forest.
Voice-Off Announcer: If you've seen the teaser, you've been waiting for this for too long. Now it's here.
Suddenly the forest lights up, and several strange creatures can be seen fighting each other and tossing massive energy waves around.
VOA: Watch as Pikarotto and his friends Caterpicoro, Bullgetta, Yamcharquil, Krilkuna, Ringohan and Tenshinzard face the evil Freezagoon, Buuterfree and Cellther.
Pikarotto and Bullgetta shot a large combined energy wave at the ugly, deformed mantis-like creature also known as Cellther, and the whole forest goes white with light.
VOA: Pokeball Z: The Series. Coming soon. (Cue evil laughter.)
End Commercial Break.
------------
DarkGatomon: I'm officially scared of you now, Razor.
Razor: Good. In any case, since our fighters are here, it's time to HIT IT!
Elsewhere in the stadium, Xiao Tsu aka Chaoz head-rams the gong, sending it flying away.
Ritz: That dwarf sure has a lot of power for something that small...
Razor: Nevermind that, the battle's already begun!
Vegetta moves first, and fast, as he tries to elbow tackle Chief. Chief, however, sidesteps and backhands him as he rushes by, sending him crashing right into...
Tatewaki Kuno: X.x
DarkGatomon: Comic relief?
Razor: (Nods.) He's a clown in his own series, so why not?
Ritz: What about Ryouga?
Razor: If I invited him, he'd be still trying to find his way here. But I did invite someone else from that series here... Wonder where that creep is?
Cut to the female fighters' dressing room, where Happosai can be seen crawling out of it, carrying a car-sized bag packed full of underwear and smiling gleefully.
DarkGatomon: I think inviting Happosai here wasn't a good idea.
Razor: Hey you can't complain, you don't use any underwear...
DarkGatomon: Says you. Now I can't turn into AkuAngewomon.
Razor: [Smirks and produces his black Digivice.] Can I try?
Ritz: [Rolls eyes.] I think there's a fight going on right now. Let's check on it.
Chief is now using an alien rifle to try and shot Vegetta down, but Vegetta dodges his attacks easily. After a minute of shooting, the gun overheats, and while Chief is distracted trying to cool it down, Vegetta takes the chance to phase behind him and kick him down to the ground.
Vegetta: Did that hurt, Storm Trooper?
Chief: Not at all. Is that hair, or did a hedgehog fall asleep on your head?
Razor: Now Vegetta and Chief are trading insults.
DarkGatomon: (Fast asleep.)
Ritz: I agree with the kitty. HEY GUYS, STOP THE SISSY INSULTS AND RETURN TO BEAT EACH OTHER TO A PULP!
Vegetta: Oh shut up, you pink-haired slut.
Ritz: Fire..
Razor: Don't do it. Let chief kick his a** instead.
Ritz: (Powers down.) That'll be fun to watch.
Vegetta: Hah! As if! I could easily go SSJ4 on his sorry a**, but I'm playing with my prey before beating him to a pulp, as usual.
Razor: And as usual, that's about to bring you to a world of
pain.
Vegetta: Huh?
Chief: Hey, Spandex Boy.
Vegetta: What do you want?
Chief: (As Vegetta turns to him, he rises a shotgun.) Say "ouch." (Shots Vegetta away.)
Ritz: Wait a minute... Bullets against Vegetta? They shouldn't be much of a problem for him...
Razor: I gave him modded bullets. I think Chief could eat Buu for dessert right now.
Vegetta's suit is full of holes now, and he has the trademark thin line of blood running down from his mouth, but he stands up, glaring at Chief as he charges up for an attack.
Vegetta: Ok Tin Man, I'm tired of playing. Kaden-ha!
A bluish beam of energy shots from Vegetta's outstretched hands and rushes at Chief. The armored man, however, doesn't try to dodge. The ki beam hits Chief's shield and is absorbed by it.
Chief: I thought you said you were tired of playing?
Vegetta: What in f***'s name...?
Razor: I think Prince Balding didn't expect that either.
DarkGatomon: Guess you modded that shield too?
Razor: Yeah.
Rei: What's Vegetta up to? I'd think he could vaporize Chief in a second...
Mako: (Looks at Chief.) You know, he looks just like...
Terry: (Already knows what she'll say next.) How can you know, you can't see his face.
Mako: ... Point taken. Well, he looks like my ex, if he was wearing a space suit.
Terry: (Rolls eyes.) Whatever.
Minako: Guys... What's this thing sitting right next to me? (Points at the small, big-eared white critter sitting right next to her.)
???????: Kuru??
Terry: Razor invited her too?
Ami: Didn't DarkGatomon eat her years ago?
???????: Kuru! Kuru?
Mako: Is it a Pokemon?
Terry: Nah, it's just Kurumon from Digimon Tamers.
Kurumon: Kuru!
Minako: Just what I needed, a Pokemonized Digimon to keep my company -.-
Kurumon: Kuru kuru!
Minako: Just shut it already, Pikachu clone.
Razor: That thing was annoying years ago, and it's still annoying.
DarkGatomon: Can I eat it again?
Razor: Nah, you'll get an indigestion.
Ritz: Anyways, back to the battle...
Chief is now using a Needler against Vegetta, and the small, pink, homing energy bullets from the gun are giving the Saiya-jin prince something to worry about. However, Vegetta's endurance lasts longer than the Needler's ammo, and once again Chief gets punched away while recharging.
Razor: That's the MAIN problem in Halo, reloading weapons while fighting gets you a free beating from sub-intelligent, mutant, ugly alien creatures.
DarkGatomon: Like, in this case, Vegetta.
Vegetta: (To DarkGatomon) Shut it slutface. (To Chief.) Come on, G.I. Joe, you gotta have something better than those second-class Covenant weapons...
Chief: Oh of course I do... (Produces a rocket launcher and blasts Vegetta back, and once again right into...)
Kuno: X.x
Vegetta rushes back into the arena, furiously kicking and punching Chief's shield. The shield resists the beating for a few seconds, but soon flickers off, and Chief is sent ramming into the ground by a scissor kick.
Vegetta: Time to finish this... FINAL...
Razor: (Produces a pair of sunglasses and puts them on.)
Everyone else: (Mimic Razor.)
Vegetta: FLASH!
Chief is sent crashing out of the stadium through a wall, and the crowd cheers. Vegetta smiles triumphantly and turns to the booth.
Vegetta: So much for the mighty Chief, huh?
Razor: So much for the reinforced walls, too. But I think he's not beaten yet. (Engine sounds can be heard from the outside.) Just one word of advice Vegetta... Mind the Warthog.
Vegetta: Huh?
Chief charges back in riding his Warthog, and runs right over Vegetta. He then turns around and repeats the move several times, crushing the Saiya-jin No Ouji into the ground.
DarkGatomon: That's gotta hurt.
Razor: No s**t. Let's see if Vegetta can recover from that one.
Indeed he can, as he shots right up as Chief is about to run him over for the zillionth time, and growls furiously at the uber-soldier. Vegetta's blue battlesuit is close to a rag now, his arms are bleeding, and one of his eyes is swollen and half-closed. It's just how Saiya-jin look right before they kill something.
Vegetta: Okay Robocop, I'm pissed off now. And when I'm pissed off, someone has to die. You're the one that's gonna have the honor tonight, so say your prayers. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Razor: Wow... Vegetta's powering up... Super Saiya-jin 1... SSJ2... SSJ3... SSJ4! Oh s**t. Chief's screwed.
Ritz: Wow, he looks quite... Furry. (Stares.)
DarkGatomon: (Purrs.) Hot damn.... (Drools.)
Razor: -.- How can you like his looks? He looks like a monkey-linebacker fusion gone wrong. (All the females in the stadium
boo at Razor, then swoon at Vegetta.) -.-; Whatever.
Vegetta: Now let's see how you like this... BIG BANG ATTACK!
The whole stadium lights up, and the shockwave makes the walls shake and the ground crack. The energy wave hit Chief dead on, and as the light lowers to bearable levels, Chief is nowhere to be seen. The Warthog, however, is still there.
Vegetta: Hmph... So much for Major a*****e.
DarkGatomon: Wait, shouldn't that attack be strong enough to destroy the Warthog as well?
Razor: Not quite. I made a test once, tossing a Warthog into a supernova...
Ritz: And?
Razor: The supernova flickered off, and the Warthog was still floating there, unscratched. Those things are godmodding jeeps, I tell you.
Ritz and DarkGatomon: -_-;
Rei: Wait... Did Vegetta really vaporize Chief?
Terry: So much for Chief's mighty armor, I'd rather use the E-Zero.
Kurumon: Kuru!!
Terry: Same to you, pal.
Kurumon: Kuru, Kuru Kuru!!
Terry: Funeral Wave. (A beam of ice combined with ghastly specters shot at the small, white critter.)
Kurumon Kuru. (Terry's attack gets deflected back at him, knocking him into a wall yet again.)
Terry: The... Pain... X_x
Suddenly, a blood-curling scream can be heard coming from above the stadium, and as everyone looks up they notice a large hole in the roof. Seconds later, Chief comes through the roof, making another hole, and then crashes a good ten feet into the ground.
DarkGatomon: Me-ouch.
Ritz: Chief's not getting up after that. So that means Vegetta is the winner!
Vegetta: And for once, I didn't get royally beaten.
Razor: You sure? Look up.
Vegetta: (Looks up and sees a satellite is falling right towards him.) Oh fu-- *SMASH!* X_x
Ritz: That was uncalled for, Razor. Amusing, but uncalled for nonetheless.
Razor: Hey, don't blame me for this one. Chief must've hit that satellite on his way up.
DarkGatomon: Fess up, you just can't stop beating Vegetta up. (Notices Kurumon is now standing on her head.) He,y you freak, get offa me!
Kurumon: Kuru!
DarkGatomon: Dark Lightning!
Kurumon: Kuru! (Dodges and DarkGatomon zaps herself out cold.) Kuru! Kurururururururururu...
Minako: Please... Make it stop...
Kurumon: (Floats back to her seat.) Kururururururu...
Minako: Don't you ever say something other than "Kuru"?
Kurumon: Nope.
Minako: Huh?
Kurumon: Kuru?
Minako: -_-; Whatever...
Razor: Well, the show's over, see you in the next fight!
Ritz: Who'll fight next?
Razor: No idea.
Ritz: Figures...
Chief: (Still buried deep down underground.) Me... Dic?
Vegetta: (Still under the satellite) Sen...Zu... Bean?
Razor: I love happy endings.
------------
Note: No Warthogs were harmed in the making of this fight.
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Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 7:02 am
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Razor's Demented Deathmatch Tournament
Fight 2 - Kenshin Himura vs Bull The Bulbasaur
By Razor Knight
************
Once again, people at the stadium is getting ready for a new fight. The arena and roof have already been repaired,
Ritz: So this time, our two fighters have, like last time, really different fighting styles.
DarkGatomon: Indeed. I'm sure I'll enjoy this battle.
Ritz: Me too. Kenshin's cute.
DarkGatomon: I was talking about Bull. (The others look at her.) WHAT? Just because I'm a Digimon I can't like a Pokemon? And you Raz can't talk, you think Blaziken's hot.
Razor: That I do. And she's hot, pun intended.
Vegetta: Bah. Only freaks would like one of those half-animal ugly critters.
Bulma: (Notices Renamon, Lilymon and Shutumon are sitting right behind them, and decides to go for a walk.) Have fun.
Vegetta: (Watches her leave.) What do you mean? (Finally notices the three digi-girls behind him.) Uhhh. Hi?
Razor: Fun thing is, Vegetta is one of the few DBZ characters I can stomach. If Yamcha was here instead of him, I'd have the EVA-02 stomp on him repeatedly.
Ritz: I believe that. Anyways, shouldn't we start the fight already?
Razor: Wait, I want to see how Renamon kicks Vegetta's butt.
Ritz: (To DarkGatomon) And he says he likes that guy?
DarkGatomon: He likes Ami and killed her twice in his fics.
Ritz: -_- Why doesn't that surprise me?
Razor: (Watching the three Digi-girls beat up Vegetta.) Wow... I didn't know a humanoid body could bend like that....
Ritz: That must hurt. Anyways, time to start the fourth fight.
Razor: Right. First we have the guy that, in my opinion, is the strongest swordsman in the anime world. Add his speed and knowledge of kenjutsu and he's practically unstoppable.
Ritz: GO KENSHIN!
Razor: -_- Yes, indeed it's him. Ladies and gentlemen, Kenshin Himura, the Battousai!
The crowd once again cheers as the red-haired swordsman walks calmly to the arena. He waves to them then sits on the ground waiting for his foe.
DarkGatomon: And to fight Himura, we have one of Razor's characters, a Bulbasaur named Bull. That little green toad's got a lot of power, so don't think the swordsman'll have it easy against him.
Razor: And he's one sarcastic little toad, too. That's why I gave him a translator.
DarkGatomon: GO BULL!! RIP THAT (Censored)'s (Censored) off!!
Razor: -_- And then they complain about me. Ahem... Here he is, the almighty BULL!
Bull walks into the stadium, and everyone can see he doesn't look any different from a normal Bulbasaur. But as the crowd looks at him, he grins and starts using his vines to walk towards the arena, a la Dr. Octopus.
Razor: Did I mention he's a damn showoff? Anyways... HIT IT!
Elsewhere in the arena, Zangief grabs the gong and piledrives it into the ground.
DarkGatomon: I doubt you'll be able to top that.
Razor: Just wait for the next episode.
Ritz: They're taking their time to start...
Indeed, Kenshin and Bull are in opposite sides of the arena, and neither is making the first move. Finally Kenshin shrugs and looks at the toad-like Pokemon.
Kenshin: So, are you going to fight?
Bull: After you, ladies first.
Kenshin: I'm a man.
Bull: Oh really? Lemme check.
Bull uses his vines to try and hit Kenshin's "jewels" but the swordsman is faster and slaps them away using his sword. It all happens in a split second, and the sword looks like it never left the sheat.
Razor: Okay, now that's the kind of things I wanted to see. Bull uses a dirty tactic but Kenshin easily blocks it.
Kenshin: Care to try that agian?
Bull: Of course. (Tries to hit him with one vine, but Kenshin deflects. However, his real attack was with the other vine, which he managed to move around Kenshin as he was distracted.)
Kenshin: Hey! Let me go you toad! (Gets completely ensnared by the vines.)
DarkGatomon: Did Bull work in Urotsukidoji?
Razor: (Chuckles) Nope. But he watched Beyblade a lot, you know...
Ritz: What do you mean?
Razor: (Points at the arena) Watch that.
Bull has literally wrapped Kenshin up in vines and is smiling wickedly. After a few seconds, he rapidly pulls the vines back, sending Kenshin spinning around the arena like a top.
Bull: As they say in that one show, "Let it rip!"
Kenshin: (Finally stops spinning.) I'll rip YOU... Once the world stops whirling.
Bull charges at the apparently dazzled Kenshin, but the swordsman recovers just in time to dodge a barrage of razor leaves. He then slaps the toad away with his sword and frowns.
Kenshin: That's the best you have?
Bull: Man you really suck. I'd hoped you'd be a real challenge, but you aren't even trying.
Kenshin: You still haven't hurt me in the least. And now I know what your abilities are.
Ritz: Oh so that was his plan?
Razor: Yeah but the Vine Whip is only one tech, and Pokemon can have up to four techs... But Bull's kinda hacked.
Ritz: How many techs does he have?
Razor: All of his evolutions' techs.
DarkGatomon: Oh shoot...
Vegetta: Bah. Pokemon are Pokemon, they're all weaklings.
ChibiUsa: If I were you, I'd shut up. Raz has some nasty Tyranitars, Salamences and Mews in his ranks.
?????: Too late.
Vegetta: (Looks up at the massive purple dragon-type Pokemon and smirks.) Wow, I didn't know Razor liked Barney.
From the commentator's booth, a barrage of razor blades shoot at Vegetta. Razor smiles satisfied as his attack hits.
Vegetta: (Sliced all around.) Damn I didn't know _he_ had super attacks.
?????: Oh he's full of tricks indeed. And by the way baldy, the name's Drako, and that Barney crack wasn't polite, so... (Uses Dragon Claw to smash Vegetta into the ground, then leaves.)
Razor: That was one of my Pokemon pets, Drako. It ain't wise to mess with a level 100 Salamence.
DarkGatomon: Wonder how our two fighters are faring?
Bull is now dodging as Kenshin tries to slash him with his sword. Finally Bull gets tired and slows down, and Kenshin connects sending him flying up.
Kenshin: I think I'll start fighting for real now. Utsu Ryuu Zen!
Razor: Ouch.
DarkGatomon: Kenshin connects with one of his strongest techs, sending the stunned Bull flying out of the arena.
Ritz: This could be the end for this match.
Razor: Not likely. Bull's been hit harder and still managed to beat his opponents.
As if to confirm that statement, Bull comes rushing back into the arena, shooting a barrage of razor leaves at Kenshin. The swordsman deflects them, but that leaves him open for Bull's vines. They once again wrap around the redhead and start squishing him.
Bull: Hope it doesn't hurt... Little.
Razor: Before you ask, that's Bind.
DarkGatomon: That toadie sure can fight.
Kenshin: Oh is this the best you have?
Bull: You're telling me while I'm squishing your guts out?
Kenshin: I can solve that. (Vanishes and appeares next to Bull, kicking the toad to the other side of the arena.)
Vegetta: That man... His Ki is strong...
Ritz: Kenshin can teleport?
Razor: No, he just moves too damn fast.
DarkGatomon: Hey what's Bull doing?
Razor: Oh dear. (Produces sunglasses and puts them on. His two co-hosts follow suit just in case.)
Bull: (Gathers a large amount of light energy in his seed as Kenshin speeds towards him.) SOLAR BEAM!
Kenshin: (Leaps to his right, dodging the blast. The attack goes into the crowd and hits...)
Nappa: X_x
Ritz: Hey that one didn't hit Kuno. How did that happen?
Razor: (Staring at ChibiUsa.) ...
DarkGatomon: Guess he was distracted.
Ritz: -_-;
Bull: (Panting.) Damn... He dodged...
Kenshin: Aww, the poor toadie's tired. Let me help you rest... (Reaches for his sword.)
Ritz: I guess he's about to pull his ultimate attack. If Bull doesn't dodge this, it's game over for the little toad.
Razor: But before that happens, a commercial break! (Laughs insanely.)
DarkGatomon: Damn. Oh well, we'll be right back.
************
V/O: They're back, and they're many.
Screen shows a seemingly endless horde of creatures, stalking towards a city. Citizens can be seen running away and screaming in horror.
V/O: And as usual, you will have to...
The cammera zooms in to a Pikachu, and the rat Thundershocks a mall to dust.
V/O: ... Catch them all! Pokemon: TMFB coming next month for the Wii!
The cammera zooms out to the crowd again, and we notice every single monster in the horde is different to the others.
V/O: Pokemon: Too Many ******** Bugs! Gotta catch'em all... Or die trying. Rated O for Overdone.
************
Ritz: And then they say FFTA was bad.
Razor: I can imagine Nintendo executives naming new Pokemon. "Hey, let's have a corkscrew rape a toilet and whatever comes out of that obscenity, will be next game's main Pokemon."
DarkGatomon: Guys, looks like Kenshin's more than ready to end this battle.
Kenshin: (Charges forwards.) Prepare to be defeated!! Hiten Mitsurugi style, Amakeru Ryuu --
Bull: You sure I'm the one going to sleep? (An orange-ish powder starts coming out of his seed.
Kenshin: What the... Damn... Sleepy... (Falls to the ground, snoring.)
Razor: F**k it. Sleep Powder. (Shakes head.)
Ritz: Guess that means the fight's over, huh?
DarkGatomon: Hey but it was too short! We need more action.
Suddenly, the arena goes black with smoke. Bull coughs and looks around already knowing what to expect.
????: To fill the world with devastation...
?????; To conquer the world nation by nation...
Bull: Hey there, Jane and Billy, I didn't think you'd follow me here.
Indeed, Bull's trainer's two arch-enemies, Jane "Calamity" Iyashii and Billy T. Kid, are standing there glaring at Bull as the smoke clears.
Razor: Oh, this will be fun.
Jane: Hey, you stupid toad, how dare you interrupting our motto?
Bull: It sucks anyway, I just wanted to save everyone in the stadium the pain of hearing it.
Billy: Oh, that's gonna cost you an extra dose of pain. Go, Stones!
Jane: Get'em Cinder!
Bull shrugs as the two Rockets toss their Pokeballs, then vine-slaps the two spheres out of the stadium, leaving two nice, little holes in the far wall.
Jane: Uhhh... What was that?
Bull: I've always wanted to do that. And it's one of the reasons I don't like being in a Pokeball.
Billy: This is where we run, right Jane?
Bull: No, this is where you fly. Solar Beam!
The two Rockets are sent flying up high and through the roof by Bull's attack, and the toad smirks as he watches them go.
Jane: (Just before vanishing into the distance.) This is not faaaaaaaair!
Bull: Losers 0, Bull 2. Anyone else wants to play?
Razor: s**t, will they ever stop damaging the stadium's walls?
DarkGatomon: You're lucky nobody's used some Genki Dama, Dragon Slave or something equally flashy yet.
Razor: That's why the booth's protected with an AT Field, reinforced with a Juraian forcefield, Protect, Barrier, a B't shield aura, and Adamantium particles floating around for added protection.
DarkGatomon: Cool, that could actually resist some of my basic attacks.
Razor: Shut it catgirl. Anyway, Bull the Bulbasaur won this match, by knocking the mighty Battousai off with Sleep Powder. More carnage and insanity awaits you in our next fight!
************
Note: No Vegettas were harmed in the making of this fight. |
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Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 7:00 am
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Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 11:29 am
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Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 3:33 pm
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Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 10:13 am
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Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 2:52 pm
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Posted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 8:35 am
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Razor's Demented Deathmatch
Fight 3 - Sailor Senshi vs. Mew Mew Team
By Razor Knight and Dark Asuka
************
Note: As far as the Sailor Senshi go, I'm using my Cyber Moon version for this match. The Mew Mews have been left untouched and almost undubbed for the event.
Oh, and Dark Asuka is none other than my girlfriend... Who was partly responsible for one too many of my Deathmatch episodes in the past, so I asked her to do this rewrite with me.
************
Location: The Deathmatch Arena, Tokyo.
DarkGatomon: Welcome again, ladies, gentlemen, and hentai fanbois.
DAsuka: [Sitting next to Razor, replacing Ritz who had to go help Marshe again.] For tonight's battle we've reinforced the stadium's energy dome, adding the power of a dozen Ginzuishou to it.
Razor: It's good to have you here, hun. About that dome, I bet Moon alone could outpower them.
DGatomon: But she has only one... Nevermind, the explanation would most likely be boring and ridiculous.
Eric Cartman: Like the show itself? [A man-sized EVA falls on him.] Ow!
Razor: Author powers for the win! Anyway, tonight's battle will involve magic, strength and lots of exposed skin.
DAsuka: You really think the Mew Mews will be any match for your Senshi?
Razor: I've limited them to Cosmic level attacks, so yeah.
Mars: [Still in the crowd along with the other Inners.] Hey, you didn't tell us that!
Razor: Uhh... Oops?
DGatomon: We saw Ichigo is one hell of a fighter, but I don't know about the rest of the Mews.
DAsuka: [Waves a Zakuro flag.]
Razor: -.- Trust me, this fight will be quite even.
???? [In the crowd, shoots at Razor with a cork gun.]
Razor: What was that for, Gunshin?
Vash: Start the fight already, loser.
Wolfwood: I agree. I've seen more action in a nursery.
DGatomon: "Gunshin"?
DAsuka: Raz says he's Kenshin with guns.
DGatomon: -.-
Razor: [To Vash.] And don't you hate violence?
Vash: This will be a match between leotard-wearing girls... I can make an exception.
Millie: Should we call Knives to shut that guy up?
DAsuka: That'd be an interesting battle...
DGatomon: Huh?
DAsuka: Knives vs. 'Razors'...
DGatomon: [Sighs in defeat.] Whatever. Raz, start this crap up already.
Razor: Gladly. Ladies and Losers, tonight we have the Mew Mew team facing the Inner Senshi, in a battle that promises a lot of flashes and maybe some flashing.
DAsuka: Lame one. Ahem... Let's hear it for the best magical girl team ever, the Senshi!
As the crowd cheers, the Senshi teleport from their places to the arena, waving around while they wait for their opponents.
?????: What the fork? I'm the best magical girl ever, you morons!
Razor: Honey, shut the hell up.
Cutey Honey: What will you do to shut me up, fanboi me to hell?
Razor: No, imprint images of Sailor Bubba and that CCS intro cosplay with the two hairy Japanese dudes directly into your brain so you won't be ever able to forget them.
Honey: [Pales and shuts up.]
DGatomon: [Has a SSJ4-like darkness aura around her body.] Ok guys, stop the idle chatting, or I'll knock the whole stadium out. [Everyone falls silent.] Good. Now back to the introductions, the Senshi will fight a team that, while not so widely known, and not having as large a fanbase, can still kick some serious a** when they need to. The Tokyo Mew Mews!
Ichigo and her friends leap out of the crowd, making perfect landings on the opposite side of the arena, after going through a series of random, complicated spins and figures. The crowd cheers again, as both teams glare at each other.
Mars: And they used to call our suits slutty...
Zakuro: [Gives Mars the one-finger salute.]
DAsuka: We could say they're both fired up for battle.
Razor: And you say my jokes are lame? Anyway, before we start, it's time for...
DGatomon: Run for the hills!
Razor: A comm break. We'll be right back.
************
VO: Coming soon, the sequel to the best racing car game evah!
The screen shows images of cars racing around a city, through a desert, underwater, and even outside a space station. They're all covered in stickers and blasting through the tracks at 500 MPH.
VO: A game that takes speed to an extreme, without forgetting style.
The images now are of cars with weird customizations. Some have building-tall, ugly spoilers, some are covered in jewels, others have wheels five inches too big for them, and some have wings and a plane engine.
VO: Need For Speed Underground 3: Universal Tour.
The last picture shown is one of a cute, small grey cat with a gun pressed against it's forehead.
VO: Buy it, or the kitty gets it.
************
Razor: I swear, EA's marketing tactics are getting more and more agressive with each game they release.
DGatomon: Poor kitty sad
DAsuka: [To Razor.] You're insane, you know?
Razor: Thanks, I try. Now, let's get this show on the road. HIT IT!
Elsewhere in the stadium, the gong falls on Tatewaki Kuno's head.
Kuno: That really hurt. [Falls sideways, knocked out.]
DGatomon: ...
DAsuka: ...
Everyone else in the stadium: ...
Razor: What?
DGatomon: [Turns into Kyoumon and beats the crap outta Razor.] That.
DAsuka: [Ignores the in-booth onslaught.] Things are starting to heat up, as Zakuro and Mars already went meelee!
Cartman: Should the Zappy Tart fight the foxgirl instead?
Stan: Rei can fight too.
Kenny: Mfffmfffmfmfmf. Mhfffhf!
Cartman: Wow, that's quite an interesting insight on that issue you gave us there. I bet the reader agrees.
Back in the arena, the Mews and Senshi are watching as Zakuro and Mars trade blows. The crowd starts whistling at them.
Moon: Bet if it was Goku standing here while one of his friends gets beaten to a pulp, the crowd wouldn't mind.
Razor: Disclaimer: I didn't write that, Eri's in charge of the Senshi's dialogues for this fight.
DAsuka: Send all complaints to stfun00b@getalife.com.
Pudding: Pudding's getting tired. Let's fight! [Rushes at Venus.]
Venus: [Leaps out of the way.] Crescent Beam!
Pudding: Ribbon Pudding Ring Fury!
Both attacks clash, creating a shining, massive pudding that falls in the center of the arena.
DGatomon: ... The ********> We could call that a... Light dessert.
DAsuka: -.- Let's just see what they'll do n... The ******** in the arena, the pudding is gone, and Moon is standing where it used to be.
Moon: [Burps a light beam that knocks Ichigo out of the arena.]
Ichigo: [Bounces off the stadium's wall and tackles Moon, and they both start fighting fast and furiously.]
Cartman: Ya know, this battle would really be better with a large pool of pink jello under them.
Razor: [Walks up to where the South Park kids are, high-fives Cartman, walks back to the booth.] I swear, he's such a cool a*****e sometimes...
DAsuka: Mars and the others joined in... Time to bring up the dome!
Razor: [Pushes a button on his watch, and a transparent dome appears around the arena.] There, now we're completely...
Moon: Twilight Storm!
Moon's beam hits Mint, knocking the birdgirl through the dome effortlessly, and pinning her into the far wall of the stadium before vanishing.
Razor: ... Safe. Nevermind. -.-
DGatomon: Things are getting complicated. Both teams are alternating targets with no visible strategy or pattern.
DAsuka: Kinda looks like a Counterstrike Team Deathmatch.
Razor: Ouch... Well, with things as messy as they are, either team could be the winner.
DGatomon: You're making that on purpose, so you can blame the characters instead of yourself once one of the team wins.
Razor: ... ******** you.
A red-armored, tall dragoon walks into the stadium, grabs Razor by the neck and smirks at DarkGatomon.
???????: Can I beat him down?
DGatomon: Suits you, hun, just try not to kill him.
The dragoon drags Razor outside, and soon, girly screams can be heard through the open door.
DAsuka: ... Hope Azenmon doesn't hurt him... Too much.
DGatomon: Mark's just jealous, he'll just bruise him a bit and...
Just then, Razor flies in through the wall, making a perfect head landing into his seat. The whole stadium sweatdrops.
Razor: I'm hurt in organs I didn't even know I had...
DGatomon: That'll teach you not to mess with someone who has a demi-god Digimon as husband.
Back to the arena, the Senshi and Mews were still fighting relentlessly, and despite the technically small arena and their constant energy beam throwing, none of the fighters is yet down.
Zakuro: Zakuro Spear!
Zakuro's whip-like weapon lashes at Jupiter, shinning with energy. Jupiter ducks and then tries to charge at Zakuro, who leaps over her.
Stan: What the ********? Why 'Spear,' that's not a spear, it's a whip, you dumb doggirl!
Zakuro: [Glares at Stan, then smirks.] Zakuro Spear!
Kenny: [Stares in shock at Stan's split-in-half corpse.] Fm mf gff tmmf kffmd Sffn!
Kyle: Bastards!
Zakuro: There's more of this for you too, kids.
Cartman: Go hump a tree, b***h. And by the way, I wouldn't give my back to the zappy tart if I were you.
Zakuro: What are you talking...
Jupiter: Thunder Jab!
Cartman: [As Zakuro is sent sailing out of the stadium through the roof.] Looks like team fleabag blasted off again.
DAsuka: Hey, why did Zakuro have to be the first down?
Razor: [Checking the script.] ... It were script, I telling you!
DGatomon: The Mews are now four against five, things could get really messy, and soon.
Moon: Okay team, it's time to finish this one.
Senshi: Let's do it! Sailor Planet Attack!
DGatomon: That's it, the Mew are toasted.
Razor: I wouldn't be so sure... Here comes Zakuro making a miraclous comeback!
Zakuro comes diving in at high speed, making a perfect kneeling landing in front of the others.
Pudding: [Staring at the multi-colored energy wave heading their way, starry-eyed.] Pwetty colors!
Ichigo: Mrow, I guess I should block it. Strawberry Bell, Full Power! Ribbon Strawberry Bell Surprise!
The whole stadium gasps as Ichigo's attack cancels the Sailor Planet Attack.
Cartman: What's that girl, a Super Neko-majin?
Kyle: No way, the Senshi are fighting like pussies tonight.
DGatomon: Ironic isn't it?
Razor: I don't think that's irony, Alanis.
Moon: Okay, that's it! (The Senshi all close their eyes, and the building starts shaking as they're engulfed by white light balls.)
Razor: Oh hell no! [Pushes another button on his watch, and the energy around the Senshi vanishes.] Aeon level, my a**. Fight fair!
Venus: [Pouts] Spoilsport.
Mars: Oh well, let's try this then... Mars Flame Sniper!
Mint: Ribbon Mint Echo!
Mars' fire arrow and Mint's energy arrow clash and cancel each other. They glare at each other and then charge, going into catfight mode as the others just watch amusedly.
Razor: Well, that's one even fight... Both of them are ravengirls.
DAsuka: I don't think Mint's bird DNA comes from ravens..
Razor: [Googles it.] Nope. It's some weird, almost extinct black bird.
DGatomon: [Turns into Kyoumon again, and again beats the crap outta Razor.] Shut up already.
DAsuka: [Stares at the black-clad blonde bombshell.] Stay in that form, hotshot.
DGatomon: Mrow... Two pervs for the price of one. =-.-=
Meanwhile in the arena, both sides had once again started a brawl, and again neither had the upper hand. Suddenly, two shadowy figures stand in-between the two groups, stopping them both.
Tuxedo Kamen: Stop this useless fighting, Senshi. You should ally with those catgirls instead.
Blue Knight: The Phantom Of The Opera is right, Ichigo. Let's all be friends.
Tuxedo: Watch the nicknaming, Xander.
Blue: Nag off, window dressing.
Tuxedo: Like you're any better, Puss in Boots.
Puss in Boots: I resent that remark!
Shrek: Shut yer trap.
Razor: Capeboy and Blue Knight were trying to make the two teams work as one, but ended up trying to punch each other out.
DAsuka: Can't they end this already?
Moon: I agree with the co-writer.
Ichigo: Mrow, for once I can agree with you, blondie.
Both Moon and Ichigo start gathering energy as their teammates start backing away. They both glare at each other for several seconds before shooting large energy beams forwards.
DAsuka: [Wearing sunglasses.] We promised some flashing, and here it is!
Vegetta. Those insects... Their Ki is strong...
Razor: Both team leaders are trying to overpower each other, but sooner or later, one of them has to get tired. Let's wait and see.
Terry: [Typing on a laptop.] Actually, according to my data, if they keep on throwing that much magic out they could create a magic nova.
ChibiUsa: A what?
Terry: How to explain it... The arena's about to go boom.
ChibiUsa: ... Fun.
The two fighters keep on pouring energy into their attack, until they notice something strage in the center of their power struggle. They both stop attacking and stare at the truck-sized energy ball hovering milimeters over the ground.
Moon: What's that?
Mercury: A magic nova, as Terry just explained.
Ichigo: Looks cool.
Lettuce: Whatever you girls do, don't touch the sphere.
Cartman: Heh... [Produces a slingshot and a rock.] Say your prayers, magical girls!
ChibiUsa: [Monotone.] Moon Beam.
Cartman: [Blasts out of the stadium thanks to ChibiUsa's magic beam.] Damn you Captain Planet!
Razor: Ladies and gentlemen, the fat b*****d has left the building.
Fat b*****d: I be still here ye idiot. [Looks at a Bulbasaur sitting next to him.] Hey, a walking salad! Get in mah belleh!
Bull: Solar Beam.
Razor: [As Fat b*****d flies off.] Ditto what I said in my last line.
DAsuka: What's Bull doing here?
Razor: He's got nothing to do since I cancelled Bull's Eye.
Moon: ... How are we supposed to fight now?
Ichigo: Mrow... No idea, I'm not getting any close to that magic ball thing.
Suddenly there's a shout of 'Respect mah authoriteeh' and Cartman comes skydiving right into the magic nova. The gathered energy pulses and spins for a second before exploding in quite a flashy way. As the smoke clears, Cartman's nowhere to be seen, and the two fighter teams are down for the count.
Razor: ...
DAsuka: You just had to do that, huh?
Razor: Me? It was Cartman!
DGatomon: So uhh... Who won?
Kyle: We won, we finally got rid of Cart... [Cartman crashes through the roof and lands sideways on his seat.] Well ******** it.
Cartman: [Dizzily.] I love you guys...
ChibiUsa: Technically, I won.
Terry: ... Yeah.
ChibiUsa: So where's my prize?
Razor: Funny, I don't remember ever mentioning a prize. [Reads all the scripts for the Deathmatch saga again.] Nope, never did.
Ryouga: [Walks into the stadium.] Uhm... Can anybody tell me where the Tendo dojo is?
DAsuka: -.-
DGatomon: [Throws a bucket of water at Ryouga then produces a large bottle of mustard.] C'mere, dinner!
Razor: [As DarkGatomon chases P-chan around the stadium.] Uhm... Stay tunned for our next battle.
DAsuka: Won't you tell your muse anything?
Razor: Yeah... Hey Kasumi, cook him before eating him, you don't know where he's been!
DAsuka: -.- Whatever...
************
Note: No P-chans were harmed in the making of this fight. |
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Posted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 9:21 am
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Posted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 10:21 am
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Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2007 12:15 am
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Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 5:59 am
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(I love to see all those votes. Makes me feel this is quite popular. razz )
Razor's Demented Deathmatch
Fight 4 - Syaoran Li vs. Agent Smith
By Razor Knight
************
Location: The Deathmatch Arena, Tokyo.
Once again, the cammera zooms in to the booth where Razor and DarkGatomon are. Yeah, you read that right, the pinkhead's back to her place amongst her fellow Senshi. So who'll be the third commentator for tonight's fight? Well, read and find out...
DarkGatomon: I'm curious too. Who'll be our guest commentator?
Razor: I've decided to have a different guest every fight, to keep things interesting.
DarkGatomon: Not that this fight won't be interesting... And weird. Smith and Li have nothing in common.
Razor: They get their asses kicked around way too often.
DarkGatomon: Whatever. Just introduce our guest.
Razor: Right. From the world of Unreal Tournament, comes one of my favorite FPS characters, Xan!
Xan walks towards the booth, wearing his trademark golden armor with a thin yellow glass where his eyes should be and looking as dangerous as always. He waves to the crowd who boo at him as expected.
Xan: I'm all alone here!
Razor: Ignore them, Xan. Welcome to the Arena.
Xan: It's good to be here. I'm always in for a bloodbath.
Razor: Well I don't have a lot of blood in my deathmatchs, but you may see a few drops fly.
DarkGatomon: I have a question for you: A lot of people say you're not human, but a robot. Is that true?
Xan: I have only one thing to say to that. Those mother****ers can come **** my **** and **** off afterwards before I blow their ****ing heads off.
Razor: That proves it. No robot can cuss like that.
DarkGatomon: Is he Xan Marshall or what?
Razor: (Chuckles.) Good one. Anyways, let's -- [Lights go off.] What the heck...?
A single reflector lights up, showing an angry-looking Marik Ishtar standing in the center of the arena, wearing a duel disk and smirking in his lame pseudo-evil way.
Marik: I know Yugi and his friends are here, so this is the deal: He must give me his Millenium Puzzle, or I will destroy this building and all the people inside.
Razor: Well, at least it's not 4Kids' Marik.
DarkGatomon: How do you know?
Razor: If he was he'd menace us with sending us to the Shadow Realm.
Xan: (Produces a Redeemer.) This is option C, goldylocks.
Marik: (As Xan fires the Redeemer.) Oh sh--
(Insert massive explosion sounds here.)
Xan: And stay down!
Razor: Ladies and gentlemen, Marik has left the building.
DarkGatomon: (Sighs.) Okay, let's introduce the fighters before this gets any weirder.
Everyone Else In The Stadium: CAN IT?
Razor: Too late?
DarkGatomon: F*** off. Anyways, for tonight's fight we have one of Razor's favorite male anime characters, Sakura's boy toy, skilled in sword and magic, the young yet mighty Syaoran Li!
The crowd cheers as Syaoran floats into the arena helped by one of his wind ofudas, and wearing his trademark green monk outfit.. He produces his sword out of thin air and starts practicing while he waits for his challenger.
Razor: Yeah! Get'em Xiao Lan!
DarkGatomon: -.-; Quiet fangirl... Anyways... Xan, do the honors.
Xan: Our second fighter is Neo's favorite punching bag, a Freezer wannabe and a guy that just can't die. Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for Agent Smith!
The crowd boos as Smith simply appears into the arena, wearing his usual black business suit and black sunglasses. He snaps his fingers and a ripple of air shots to both sides, cracking the stadium's walls.
Razor: Showoff.
DarkGatomon: I could beat him anyday. But can Syaoran?
Xan: I doubt it. What can a 12 years old kid do against this SSJ-MIB fusion?
Razor: I don't know about that, but I do know it's time for...
DarkGatomon: Not again...
Razor: A commercial break! We'll be right back!
Xan: We're being attacked!
Razor: Ha, ha, funny...
************
Commercial Break.
Voice-Off Announcer: If you thought Pokemon was taking too much time to end, then you'll just love this.
The cammera zooms in to a card duel arena, where Yugi is facing Kaiba. His side is devoid of cards except for the Dark Magician Girl, while his opponent has the Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon and Obelisk.
VOA: Yugi must face new challenges and new foes, along with the usual losers that just can't die. Can his improved deck defeat his opponents?
Yugi produces a card from his duel disk and smirks. As it shows it to Kaiba, the 'villian' does his best not to run away crying. Yugi use the card, which caused the DMG to turn into an armored, railgun-wielding version of herself.
VOA: [As the improved DMG vaporizes the BEUD and Obelisk.] I guess that's a yes. Watch the Dark Female Marine and the Green Eyes Uber Exodia face off in "Yu-Gi-Oh: Lamer Than Pokemon!" Coming sooner than you'd want it to.
End Commercial Break.
************
DGatomon: A bit scary, but there's a lot of truth in that thing, Razor.
Xan: Hell yeah. They should just have Exodia kill everyone and end the torment.
Razor: All good series get stupid if they run for too long.
DGatomon: Even your dear Sailor Moon?
Razor: Please. Sailor Moon Super Senshi and Sailor Moon Sailor Stars reek.
Xan: Anyways, we're done with the idiocy yet?
Razor: Nah, that's about to begin. HIT IT!
Elsewhere in the stadium, Samus Aran uses her Ball mode and a PowerBomb to blast the gong into a wall.
Xan: (Swooning.) Hey there, sexy!
Samus: (Gives Xan the middle finger salute and leaves.)
DGatomon: Not one for socializing, I see... Anyways, the fight's begun!
As soon as the gong gets totalled, Syaoran rushes in to attack Smith, swinging his sword at him. Smith dodges the slices and stabs in the trademark 'bullet-time' Matrix sequence. However, Syaoran somehow speeds up and stabs through Smith's leg.
Smith: (Clutching his wounded leg.) How did you do that?
Syaoran: (Produces 'The Time' card and shrugs.)
Razor: There we go. He's not just a normal human, he was the only one that could keep up with Sakura's magic all through the series.
Xan: What about that sucker Eriol?
Eriol Hiragizawa: (From the crowd.) Hey R2, insult me again and I'll sic 'The Rust' at you.
DGatomon: Does he even have a card like that?
Razor: Possibly. Anyways, let's go back to the arena.
Smith recovers fast, his leg healing in seconds, and he rushes at Syaoran. They both start trading kicks and punches faster than most humans can follow, even yours truly.
Vegetta: Still using that excuse to skip describing fight scenes, Razor?
Razor: (Snaps fingers and the Dark Magician Girl comes out of nowhere and knocks Vegetta into a wall.) There's your answer.
DGatomon: I thought you'd found a new town fool to torment?
Razor: Doesn't mean I won't torment the old ones. Anyways... Back to the fight!
Syaoran tries a spin kick, but Smith grabs his leg and tosses him to the ground like a rag doll. Before the agent can make any further damage, however, Syaoran jumps up, delivering a powerful uppercut that sends Smith flying back a good ten meters.
Razor: (Smirks.) Syao-Ryuken?
Ryu: Everyone f***ing rips me off nowadays.
Smith growls and charges right back, sending punch after punch at Syaoran, who does his best to dodge and counter. In the end, Smith manages to deliver a jab to his stomach, then grabs him by the neck and raises him from the ground so their eyes are at the same level.
Smith: It's inevitable, Mr. Li.
Razor: Whoever didn't see that line coming, deserves a beating.
Sean: I didn't see it coming... (Dark Magician Girl starts beating him to a pulp.)
Kuno: Mwhahaha! And I haven't been hurt yet!
Razor: I'll see what I can do about that...
Kuno: s**t.
Xan: That'll teach him to keep his mouth shut.
Meanwhile, back in the arena, it looks like Smith will choke Syaoran to death, but the monk produces a yellow paper from inside his robe and slaps it in the agent's forehead. Smith is taken off guard and drops Syaoran to the ground. The monk leaps back and smiles wickedly.
Rei: Bah... Everyone rips ME off too, I see...
Razor: Not quite if he's planning what I think...
Syaoran: (Puts his hands together and concentrates.) God of Lightning, heed my call!
Smith screams as the ofuda lights up with electricity, literally frying him. After several seconds of this, the agent falls to the ground, unmoving.
DGatomon: Uhhh...
Xan: No way.
Razor: ... It must be a trick.
And indeed, it is. Ken Masters starts spasming, turning into Smith a second later. He charges at Syaoran from behind, but the monk was seemingly expecting that, as he rams the sword back, stabbing through Smith's chest. As Li turns around, Smith double over and falls to the ground, turning back into Ken.
Chun-Li: Oh my god, he killed Kenny!
Guile: So?
Ryu: Bah. One less copycat.
Razor: It's good to see I'm not the only one that doesn't give a damn about Ken Masters. However, where's Smith now?
As if on cue, Pikachu, who was standing on top of Ash's cap as usual, starts shaking and turns into Smith. Of course having a human standing on your head is not easy, and Ash's neck cracks.
Xan: s**t Razor, and you said there weren't many deaths here.
Razor: I think your presence here's affecting the fic.
Xan: Sure, blame it on Xan, everyone else does.
Smithachu... I mean, Smith, runs back into the arena, dodging as Syaoran tries to slash at him. The monk frowns and summons another card, this time he calls upon 'the Dash.' Smith frowns as Li seemingly vanishes, however he gets slashed in the arm by something unseen.
Razor: Syaoran's now using the Dash to go SSJ4 speed on Smith. There's little the agent can do to defeat him now...
DGatomon: I figured that. You'd never have Syaoran lose, so Smith has to somehow lose.
Razor: It's inevitable, Miss Sakamichi
Rei: I'd tell you where she gets that last name from, but I don't think Razor wants that spoiled.
Ami: Maybe he does. (Points at Razor who's holding a massive flag which reads "Read Digimon Legends.")
Everyone else: (Collective Sigh.)
Smith gets tired after the tenth slash to his body, and abandon's Pikachu's body. The small yellow rat gets turned into spam by Syaoran's lightspeed slashes.
Xan: Oh my god, he killed Pikachu!
Everyone Else In The Stadium: YAY!
Razor: Bulbasaur's way cooler anyways. But where the f*** is Smith now?
Suddenly, ChibiUsa starts shaking. But instead of turning into Smith, she smiles deviously and looks at Syaoran.
ChibiUsa: Ever played Baseball?
Syaoran: Yeah, why... Oh...
ChibiUsa frowns and concentrates, and as she opens her left hand, a miniature Smith can be seen standing there looking lost. Without giving the agent time to figure out what happened, she crushes him into a fist-sized ball, then nods at Syaoran. Syaoran nods back, and ChibiUsa tosses the ball at him at top speed, the monk swings his sword like a baseball bat and smacks Smith up and out of the stadium through the roof.
Razor: Ladies and gentlemen, Smith has left the building.
Xan: But he ain't knocked out yet, is he?
ChibiUsa: (Aims her hands up and smirks.) Moon Eternal Eclipse!
The whole stadium lights up as a massive wave of energy, light and plasma shots up. A muffled scream can be heard from above, and as the attack ends, Smith's glasses fall to the arena.
Razor: Guess he is now.
DGatomon: What the f*** was that?
Razor: That's what three Senshi powers combined can do.
Xan: Overpowered, that pinkhead is.
Syaoran: (Picks up Smith's glasses and examines them.) Rayban? (The glasses start shaking, and Syaoran drops them.) What the...?
Kero: Sakura, do it now!
Sakura, still dressed in the catgirl outfit from her last battle, jumps to the arena and summons her key, then slams it on a blank card. The glasses get absorbed by the card and Sakura gives a V sign.
Xan: What the f***?
Razor: That was 'The Agent' card.
Sakura: (Shows the card to them, and Agent Smith can be seen drawn in it.) Tee hee...
Xan: Okay, this is stupid. I'm f***ing outta here.
Razor: Good, I'm gonna have another guest commentator next fight anyways.
Xan: I've got the flag! (Runs out of the stadium.)
DGatomon: Weirdo.
Razor: But what did he mean by the fla-- (Notices something's missing.) Hey come back here with my flag you fothermucker!! (Runs out after Xan.)
DGatomon: -.-; Oh well. Guess this wraps up the episode, Syaoran beat Agent Smith to a pulp against all odds. Stay tuned for the next-- (Explosion rocks the area.) O.o
Xan: (From outside the stadium.) Man down!
Razor: (Walking in with his flag, Rolento's voice.) Mission complete.
DGatomon: Just turn that damn thing off already. (Cammera goes off.)
************
Note: No flags were harmed in the making of this fight.
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Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 12:55 am
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Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2007 10:20 pm
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Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2007 11:33 pm
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