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Master Drock
Crew

PostPosted: Sun Nov 16, 2008 7:58 pm
(Note: Thanks fro bothering to read it, I know its not good but thank you and please comment.) (Work in progress)



Prologue


Zarion looked around as a chilling wind creped up his skin. He noticed his surroundings, darkening the woods around him. He was ready. His right foot moved to a right angle position he put his hand up in the hair and with the shadows surrounding him he was not scared, he had been trough this a enough times, he knew to trust the darkness.

It was cold as it consumed him, he could feel the cold breeze go into him, all the way to his soul. As the dark clouds began to disperse he felt the power flowing trough his very soul. There he was a pale teenage boy with crimson eyes long black and silver hair and the black cloak that surrounded him. At this moment he was not just regular 16-year old Zarion, but a renewed being, one of a kind as he believed.

The forest started to come back to life, he could see everything around him the bacteria on the trees, plants, and animals, he could see the sky coming back to view and a plane passing by in it riding as if it had no idea were it was headed to.

Zarion was still trying to control this power. Suddenly he felt 'hunger' he smelled around while standing on an oak branch. He could smell it. A sweet smell of a human soul and only thirty miles away.
He darted swiftly across the trees and stones dodging everything in his path, he could not stop. He finally found his target. A woman with blonde hair and hazel eyes who seemed to be in her mid-twenties working out in the farm.

He took a deep fighting breath and stood motionlessly on a rock. He put his hand up in the hair and whispered "come to me Myrie" as soon as he said this a diminutive black vortex appeared in his hand and began to take shape, almost as if it was pixels in a picture, a dark bladed long sword appeared in his hand. The sword reacted to his scent and he darted towards the woman who was unaware of his presence. One Stab and it was done, trough the sword he was fed the soul of this woman and I was relieved of hunger, for the moment.

Chapter 1: Dissonance

“Oh no I'm late for school" I said as I looked at the clock it was 6:50a.m. And school started at 7:00am. I can't be late again! I quickly grabbed my bag and rushed running towards school. Breathing heavily I entered and the bell rang. "Dang! I almost made it" I went to the office and picked up a pass. Everything was like it always was and at the same time it did not. With this awkward feeling in me.

I quietly entered my orchestra class which my passion for music had forced me to join and unpacked my instrument then sat down. The day went by swiftly and after school I stayed to hang out with my friends outside. And there we were, laughing and enjoying time together like we always did. Seemed like a normal day and then there it was a gain the cold feeling that went all the way trough me.

After I finished complaining to my best friend Drock about my homework all of our conversations were just random. It was just after Three'O clock when I decided I should be heading home, so I said my goodbyes to Drock and My other good friend Sam and headed home. I started walking and turned around and saw Drock's dark hair over his laughing face at one of Sam's lame jokes then I smiled. They saw me and waved at the same time when I waved back I began on my way home. It was nice outside it was cold but I did not mind. I looked up at the sky, it was blue and cloudless, my idea of a perfect sky.

I decided to cut trough the woods again to head home this way I can be there faster. I walked pass a "No Trespassing" sign and kept walking. When I was around half-way trough the forest everything seemed to change. The wind stopped, the birds stopped rustling in their nest, and the distance police sirens faded as quickly as they came.

I was beginning to walk faster and faster, I just wanted to get home. Out of one of the larger bushes two mean looking guys came out. The one to the left was rather short and around my height, he had brown short hair and tan skin. The one to the right looked most menacing. He had black hair in braids, was dark skinned, and very buff.

They looked at me and smiled the taller one pulled out a gun and said "hand over Everything you got, kid".

Oh crap. Why me.

"Sigh"

I handed the fifteen dollars in my pocket and my bag. All I had there was a few quarters and an mp3 player.

"Here" I said in a mumble.

The guys took it and searched trough my bag and my pockets. I hope is over. I thought. I couldn’t joke with myself. I was scared.

The tall guy laughed and said angrily.
"IS THIS ALL?!"

I responded in a trembling voice.
"Umm, yes"

Then the thing that I had expected in the back of my mind happened. First I heard 3 loud bangs then saw the birds scurrying away.
It took a second to click in to me that I had been shot. I felt my shirt. It was wet with blood. I staggered a bit and looked at the sky, then saw the two guys running. I was going to die wasn't I? I fell to the cool ground and laid there while I had images in my cloded head of shadows and demons.

I could not keep track of time but from that afternoon I stared and nightmares had to urge to yell but I was not able to. It was getting dark now; my eyes were giving up on me. I was a dead man.

Then I saw it. A black cloud of shadow surrounding me, consuming me. The pain had numbed me now; I wish I could move, run away. What is this?! Part of the cloud began to hang on to my arm then it came to my shoulder. The pain was dispersing but I was more frightened of this than a gun.

It was what seemed all night the darkness had covered me completely and I could not see anything but pitch black. I don't know if this was in my mind or was it an illusion, was I dreaming? It was what seemed never ending. Then I saw a clear sphere with a re, purple, and black substance moving about it. I had nothing to loose now. It called to me.

I have found interest in you, descendant of the ones from the land where night was all, it is time to go to where you belong and do what you must, you have one week to be in this world you currently live in, find the other chosen and when you do this you will be taken to the land of night." Said the Mysterious voice in this dark place.

"And if I choose not to" I responded feeling silly because I couldn’t believe this.

"Then you will be sent into nothingness and lie there for eternity." responded the voice in a hoarse tone.
Well this is Harsh. It started of as a normal day and I end up here, it’s too much that I went trough in so little time.

"Fine, but what happens if I don’t find this chosen which you speak of in a week?" I had my arms crossed and moving side to side impatiently.

"You will go to the land of night ALONE and face this threat on your own" said the voice with this emphasis on alone.

What threat?! Am I in some fantasy book or a movie now?! What?!

"No time to waste, go, Zarion"
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I awoke in the ground I had fallen in; I had a sour taste in my mouth. I waited until I could get my vision to focus. I could hear trains in the distance, people arguing on the phone and a dog barking. Wait! There aren’t any trains near by. What is this?! Wasn’t I shot? Was it a dream? I kept looking around and focused on a squirrel that was looking aimlessly around. I stared then I could see its fur right in front of me. Ash! What is that...Looks like.... Bacteria? My vision just zoomed in?! And my hearing...

I walked around dazed and saw a darkening spot in the ground. Is that my blood? I asked myself. I walked towards the nearby pond to see myself. As I walked towards it I noticed I was not wearing my usual clothes. I was wearing a black robe that fit me just right. I ignored it because I looked at the pond and saw.... something out of this world.
Where was I?!

"That is not me" I mumbled as I brushed my hand across my face.

My face was now pale, my skin was pale, and I looked dead. I looked closer and saw my eyes. They were crimson and cat like. As I opened my mouth to shout I saw my teeth. They were White, thick and fang like. What is this? Am I a vampire? No... Not a vampire I don’t think so however. I got up and moved so fast I didn’t notice it.
"Why me" I repeated to myself.

I punched a tree near me hoping to get hurt to have something else to focus on but instead I punched a whole trough it.
"This power".

I could feel energy so great flowing trough me at the same time I smiled because inside I had always hoped for a little change in my life.

Now, how would I explain this to everyone? "Ummm, I don’t know"
Ack. What is that feeling, I'm hungry?


That’s when it started. The feeding. My new instincts quickly took over in a flash I dashed across the trees and saw a man walking in the dirt road near the woods and something in him smelled good. What is this?! I dashed once again, this time at the unsuspecting man and then next thing I knew I was not hungry and what was once a man evaporated into my arms and into me, then my hunger was satisfied enough for me to regain consciousness of what I had done.

"No" I whispered in shock.

"I did not want to!"

I should have guessed this "change" came with a price. Still in shock I ran towards my house so fast that no one noticed me. I jumped and lightly landed in the roof.

"How am I going to explain this, I need to go back to myself"

Is there some kind of word or way to change back? Maybe I've been reading too much fantasy of course there isn’t. But what if there is? It’s worth a shot, so then I said the first thing that came to my mind.

"Return” I laughed at the though of saying this.

Nothing happened, I sighed; this is going to take all day if this ever works. Then I remembered my old self in the mirror. Dark hair that was just passes my nose, and my common dark brown eyes that stared back at me in the mirror. A few seconds later I began to shake and a cloud of shadows quickly covered me and I fell off the roof in terror. Not again, I though. Then after a few moments that seemed like ages.

As I got up I saw my clothes that I had been wearing before the dilemma, Then I looked at my hands and examined myself, I was me again!.

As I walked inside lightly stepping on the dusty wooden floor beneath me there was no one home as usual. Well I did not care I was never treated as well as my brother anyway considering I was adopted. Why is it always the adopted ones? If we are to be treated this way why adopted us?

Well I was not regularly adopted. I was apparently found in there backyard one winter night, just crawling around there backyard, then they searched everywhere for my parents but none were found so they took me in.

Now here I am living here for 15 years and I still only consider the garage my true home in my home since its were I stay most of the time that I am here.

I slowly opened the door to the once garage that is now a room with posters, a bed, a desk, and an almost unused television in a corner. I was never a big fan of television; usually I have better things to do. I walked towards the bed and just dropped on top of it and laid down in an awkward way that looked as if I had just been pushed.

"Here we go now I can think" I yawned

Slowly time passes and I fell asleep, into a deep dark sleep. Then I started dreaming, I was in the middle of a burning village, in the middle while seeing the blurry faces of the people there, running in fear.

Then there it was, three dark figures moving really fast and killing the people in their way.
"Where is it?!" yelled one of the figures as it slowed to a stop.

I...I... don’t know what you are talking about" responded a frightened priest who seemed too had been beaten badly.

"Don’t lie to us, you pitiful scum" said the dark figure as it raised a blade and killed the defenseless priest.

"You, where did you come from?" demanded the dark figure.

"I... what? I... don’t know" my lips trembled in fear.

"Disappear" he said

In a flash he was in front of me and I could feel his blade thrust trough my skin. The figure removed his sword and walked away as I
Dropped to the ground.

"Get up, destroy him" a faint voice in my head whispered.

"Gkk.... How" I responded difficultly.

"Take my power, now raise your hand and speak my name, Mryrie" It was almost a whisper but I did it.

As soon as I spoke this name the cloud of shadows came back and consumed me. I stood up in a flash and felt the power rush trough me again. This time there was something different... I small vortex like shape appeared in my hand as a sword that was almost as big as me appeared
In my hand.

"I am Myrie" It told me

"Use my power, I have chosen you, destroy him now!'

I looked at the coal black blade and grasped the hilt with great force as I felt an even greater energy flow trough me I dashed behind the black figure that had attacked me and was walking away. He quickly turned around and said.

"That’s one of the swords of souls, where did you get it boy"

"Die" I responded without knowing it.

A quick trust and he was evaporating just like the man I had killed earlier. Wait? This is a dream. And his black soul flowed into my sword and I felt the energy increase slightly. I fell towards the ground exhausted, at the same time I awoke back in my bed in my house, the same one that I had fallen asleep in. I was me again.

'What was that?!" I asked myself breathing heavily.

"I have joined you, Zarion" said a voice in my head.

"Who are you?!" I responded in a sort of yell.

"I am what you used in your dream, Myrie, I have found you, I am one of the three forgotten sword of souls" It said in a hoarse voice.

"Seriously there is to much going on at once! Why me?! I yelled.

"This has always been your family’s destiny"

"What? I don’t even know my family" I said in a saddening tone.

"You're family lived in the alternate dimension, when they were attacked by the "Dark Ones" they quickly sent you here trough a portal so you could live, your destiny now is to defeat this threat that killed thousands and has conquered the lands of Lertros in the alternate dimension" It responded with the same tone as always.

"Am I supposed to do this alone?" I said in a worry.

"No, I am here one of the only three existing sword of souls which the "Dark Ones" are searching to have complete power, there is another sword
Of souls here in this world which you must try to find before we go to Lertros"

"So does this person I was told to find posses this sword?" I asked.

"Yes he should be the one"

"So, it’s a he...." I responded

"Yes, he is also your real brother". It said

"I have a brother?!" I asked.

Besides my adoptive brother who I never like very much, I really had a brother? I want to meet him!

"Okay so I better start searching otherwise I go alone" I smiled.

"Are you ready Myrie?"

I watched as the shadows consumed me and I was that cold being once again.
"Let’s find my brother!" I said anxiously.
Chapter 2: Bad Luck


I sighed.

"It’s been almost a week now and even with these new powers and being able to run faster I cannot pinpoint a location!"

"You have to know what you are looking for, and at the same time don’t" Said Myrie.

"You just confuse me more.... can't you look for him?" I responded in a whine.

"Nope. I can only detect the other sword once it is released and in short range"

"I guess..... I have to fight these "Dark Ones" on my own."

"You can do it and I will be there to help"

Yeah sure help is what I need, I though. While I stared at the people walking by who could not see my on the branch behind more branches. I though for a moment.

"Wait! isn’t there supposed to be three sword of souls? Where is the other one?" I asked quickly.

"Well, the other sword has not been found since its last owner was defeated in the war that we lost against the "Dark Ones" 300 years ago." responded Myrie.

"Well is it gone? Or does someone wield it?" I curiously asked.

"No one knows, there’s rumors that say it has been destroyed, and others with tales of a mighty warrior that is in training that has found it and is going to save us one day, lots of tales the people of Lertros speak of" said Myrie in my head calmly.

"Oh, so is that what the "Dark Ones are looking for?"

"Yes they want all of the sword of souls"

"Wait in my dream..." I started to say.

"Well it was not completely a dream more like a short time in Lertros; by know the "Dark Lord" knows about you."

"D...D...ark lord?" I asked shuttering.

"Yes he possesses something like the sword of souls but his feeds on life energy and it does not have to kill anyone"

"Wait when I killed the "Dark One" I felt his energy close to me" I said.

"Yes you see when I, me being your sword, am near someone who just died such as in the stab I will suck up the soul, that is how I get stronger and transfer my energy to you" Myrie said.

"When I first transformed I was sort of thirsty, then my instincts took over and next thing I knew what was left of a man was flowing trough me and my "thirst" was quenched" I said thoughtfully.
"
Like it or not that is how you feed now, trough souls" Myrie said in a playful voice.

"But that is harsh having to take souls from people... they all deserve their lives" I stared into nothingness while my crimson eyes looked around experimentally.

"Well luckily you don’t need to feed to often but truthfully you grow stronger and so do I with every soul" Myrie said in a factual tone
"
Oh... well tomorrow we have to go since I haven’t found this brother of mine, and I was really wanting to meet him." I said sadly.

Myrie responded "Well fighting the "Dark Ones" will be harder so we must first find Safrin an old sage who can teach you something’s"

"Okay I will say my goodbyes even though unluckily I couldn’t find my brother." I frowned, a perfect frown with this new body that shined with each ray of sunlight.

I turned back to my human self after coming down from the tree and headed to the park were Drock and Sam were hanging out at earlier.
"Yo" said Drock from a distance waving.

I waved back and saw Sam thinking to himself looking at the sky. Typical Sam, he never talked until we talked to him, he was always a mysterious little fellow but he hangs out with us now.

"Hey Sam" I smiled.

"Oh, hey Zarion" he responded with a slight smile that disappeared quickly.

"Guys I wanted to tell you that I’m going away for a while" I said emphasizing while.

"WHAT?!" said Drock

"Well I'm being sent to study in Japan and live with an uncle." I lied.

"Dude we are going to miss you!" said Drock as he went up and hugged me.

"Sorry, hope to see you soon I'm leaving tomorrow" I said.

"So soon?! Why didn’t you tell us this earlier? Is this why you have been absent for over a week?"

"Umm... yeah getting ready to go" I lied with a smile.

"So Japan sounds nice I'll be seeing you" Sam said as he walked away in the direction of his house.

"Bye Sam!" yelled Drock while waving and smiling.

"Well Sorry Drock but I have to got and get ready bye see you when I see you" I shook his hand and a sort of spark came trough my mind as I let go and walked away I was thinking about it.

"Here we go Myrie said
.
"Indeed" responded a voice in my head.


Chapter 3: Safrin
I awoke in bed of grass in a wide open area were the air smelled clean and pure. As I got up I noticed my black robes were on me and I was the pale, crimson eyed boy again. As made an attempt to speak it started to snow, a pure white snow.

"So this is Lertros" I commented as I looked around at the wide open spaces and the hills that started getting covered with snow.

"Yes, we must mind Safrin he should be close by" Said Myrie

"Let’s see" I started to focus and use my extremely sharp instincts. "I can hear someone humming in that direction" I pointed

As I dashed at great speed I did not even have time to think of what I would say, then I was there I saw an man, pale, messy black and white hair, and a small beard, just sitting down in a chair humming a catchy tune.

"Hello I..." I began to say when he cut me off.

"I know who you are, and I know what you want" he responded with a smile.

"Is this him?" I asked Myrie in my head. "Yes, now speak"

"Okay, well when do we star?" I asked.

"Oh, but you have already started your training, young one." Said Safrin.

"Umm.... how?" I asked curiously.

"You are here" he responded.

Now this guy is weird, I better just pretend I know what has talking about. I think I heard Myrie groan when I though that but I ignored it.

"You need to improve your sword skills you cannot just wildly attack like you have so far" He said.

"How do you know that?" I asked.

"I know what I need to know, now can you block?" He said as soon as he rushed at me with the sword he had behind his chair that I had not noticed.

"Gkk... you could’ve given me a warning!" I yelled trying to hold his attack with Myrie.

"Good" he said calmly and back away.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT, YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ME!" I yelled in breaths.

He responded in a chuckle " Don't worry you can't die that easily, your not human you know, and by the way you need to know how to take the element of surprise"

I had almost forgotten I was not human.

"The element of surprise, eh"

"Yes well now, come at me" He grinned.

"Alright, aaah!"

I went at him with great speed and with all the strength I could use all to no avail. Slashed to the left, to the right, down, up, behind him, I even jumped and stabbed downwards, he was just so quick and somewhat graceful in his blocks.

"Come on you can do better than that"

"No, I cannot" I said in between my teeth.

"Okay, now it’s my turn"

He was going at me now. I was able to block his attacks with great effort, and then he cut me on my shoulder and went for my chest but stopped the tip of the blade there.

"I win" He said in a smile.

"You cut me, and you could have killed me!" I said in a frightened tone.

He smiled again. " Don’t worry you heal much faster than humans also I would not kill you I see you have much to learn, however there is limit to what I can teach you, when there is more in what you can teach yourself."

"How am I supposed to teach myself when I don’t know anything about this? I don’t even know how tough some of the so called "Dark Ones" are going to be!"

"All you need to know is that I will teach you what I know." he paused. "To defeat the them you will have to be strong enough for them to fear you and your blade to the point were you fear yourself."

"... What?" I said surprised.

Fear myself? I thought. "You will understand in time" said Myrie in my head.
"Now let’s go inside and get some tea we can continue tomorrow we should have enough time” Safrin said pleasantly.

"We don’t have time I'm no good we need to continue!" I said in a desperate tone.

He kept walking inside as he spoke. “Let’s go inside" in a mandatory voice.

The old hut I had seen from a distance was not as bad inside. The hut seemed to be made really resistant. There were chairs around the room we entered, and in the middle it seemed like a meditation shrine was in there. We walked towards a nicer area which had a dark brown wooden table in the middle with 2 small cups on opposite sides.

"Would you like some tea?" He asked.

"Umm... yeah sure." I answered amazed by the book collection in the shelf’s surrounding the room.

The man did not look to old, in fact when I carefully looked at him he looked to be in his mid-twenties.

I quietly took a quick drink from the small decorated cup of tea. It tasted horrible, it tasted like pure table salt. I coughed and put the cup down and making a sour face.

Safrin laughed. “Sorry I forgot that during that “form” of yours you cannot drink or eat regular things I guess that can be the downside to Blerksentor.

“Blerksentor?” I said confused.

“Yes it is the form your in right now, Blerksentor means “Angelic Demon” in the old tongue of the people of Lertros”

“Oh.” I responded in understanding.

“Yeah well at least you wont be hungry to often, however you will have to feed eventually and you have to get used to it.”

I though in horror or the souls I would have to take in order to feed my hunger, I did not want this, but I guess sacrifices come with this curse.

“So In a different topic.” Safrin began saying while putting down his tea. “How is life at the alternate dimension you call “Earth”,

I stared confused at the though of the life I had so quickly forgotten and left behind. There was so much but so little at the same time with all of the surprised memories and forgotten thoughts of a lost life. How long had it been since I left? Maybe not even a week, and yet I do not look back at anything left behind.

“I… don’t know” I responded softly.

“You don’t know?” he said confused.

I started thinking back to the earliest day that I can remember in my clouded childhood. All alone all the time, I stayed away from people living in my mind, in my “own world”
I talked in a saddening tone to Safrin about what my view of the world was. Of how cruel it was and how people corrupted with money and power, my so called happy me was never happy keeping the sadness locked in a cage in my dark and clouded mind. I told him about Drock and Sam my two best friends who I though back of and I missed them much. I told him about Drock’s Persistence since I was basically forced to be friends with him but I don’t mind since he hates seeing people alone and friendless.

“You cannot live alone, carry this weight on your shoulders by yourself, I will do my best and help you whenever you need it okay?” Said Drock with a huge smile across his face as padded my shoulder the day we became friends.

Same goes for Sam he was just like me until he met Drock and we three have been the best of friends since then.

I spoke of my adoptive family and how they were never really home and always working but how we got along most of the time and I at least had a home.

“Interesting view on the world you have there” Said Safrin thoughtfully...

There was a long pause as I stared at the table, all the while Safrin seemed to wait for me to say something.

“Well its getting late we can continue, or should I say begin your training tomorrow” Safrin said with a faked yawn as he smiled.

“Alright.” I answered noticing I was not tired at all, I don’t think I would be able to sleep anymore this form would not seem to allow me to.

“You can sleep in the guest room, well if you can sleep” he said while pointing at a thick wooden door that seemed to not have been touched in a long time.

“Okay, thanks” I said and went towards the door.

I pushed the big door inwards and it made a creaking sound. I put my candle in the nearest desk.

“Wow’ I whispered.

I stared at the room. It was different than the other rooms looked. It looked… like something from a movie.

The walls were made of wood like the others but bookshelves covered them and at the same time I noticed a rack of swords at the south end of the room. The bed was right next to a window and the moon light shined down upon it like the sun in the ocean.

I was very tired so I walked slowly to the bed and was about to lie down as I noticed something as the moon light hit my newly pale skin. It shone with a radiance that I have never seen before and at the same time it made me feel at peace and alive.
I laid down slowly thinking, and thinking as I stared at the empty wall opposite to the one I was next I began to see images, images of dark figueres moving about a crowd of people fleeing in fear while houses burned down and the heavy rain was not putting out .

And then I could see someone running in a hurry at such a fast speed… It was me I was running towards the opening in the trees.There near a cliff I could see someone on the ground. As I neared in close to see this person I walked slowly and from a little distance I could see him, this person was dead.

Chapter 4: Hopeless
As I watched the sun rise I headed outside to stretch and Safrin was nowhere to be seen.
I walked about wondering what that vision was.

“Myrie you saw that as well didn’t you?”

“Yes” said Myrie in a straightforward tone.

“Then what could it mean? Who was that guy he looked awfully familiar but I did not get to see it very well it was blurry.”

As I waited for an answer while in deep though I heard from afar.

“Oy!” I heard someone say.” Over here”. It was Safrin.

I looked around and I head him. He was about a mile and a half away but I reached this place in a few seconds.

“Hey how did you know I was over there?” I asked.

“I just know” he said smiling. So how did you sleep he said while turning around towards what looked like a small hut.

“I cannot sleep I don’t seem to be able to”

He chuckled as he grabbed something that was wrapped around in a cloth.

“Come on follow”

“Okay.” I said while walking inside.

I looked around aimlessly. It seemed to be around a third of the size of the little house we stayed in last night.

“Now before your training I want you to have this.” Safrin said.

“What is this?” I asked.

I unwrapped the small item he had handed looking at the cloth it was wrapped in. Carefully, and wondering what it was, until then saw it. It was what seemed like a normal crimson glove with some inscriptions on it.

“That glove belonged to the first wielder of Myrie” He said in a serious tone.

“What?! Really?! “ I asked surprised that such a thing would still be here, I mean the first wielder must’ve died thousands of years ago.

“So what do you think” He said in a chuckle while he looked for an expression.

“Well, what is it for?” I asked

“It’s a glove so I would think its used to wear?” He said sarcastically.

I laughed and just stared at the inscriptions while I ran my finger down the inscription shaped like a “Z”.

“What was the name of this wielder” I asked Safrin.

He hesitated. “I believe it was Zarion Drock., why do you ask?”

“No reason, no reason”

“Now, shall we begin your training?” Said Safrin while walking towards a open space.

“Of course, I’m ready whenever”

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cool cool cool  
PostPosted: Sun Nov 30, 2008 1:57 pm
its good.
nice concept, except it needs a lot of editing
i can help you with that if ya want!
anyway its a good story nick!  

Death_DX
Crew


Master Drock
Crew

PostPosted: Sun Nov 30, 2008 6:48 pm
Death_DX
its good.
nice concept, except it needs a lot of editing
i can help you with that if ya want!
anyway its a good story nick!


Someone actually read it?......  
PostPosted: Fri Jan 09, 2009 4:59 pm
Ideas are there but you need to focus on what your point of view is going to be and stick with it as well as what tense your words are in. Work on having better grammar and spelling. ^__^  

Clouds_Lover
Vice Captain


nya_Neko-chii
Crew

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 13, 2009 6:35 pm
Pretty good. Just keep it up, don't be too descriptive... and I have my own conclusions about a few things... =o More please! I really gotta know now. x3  
PostPosted: Fri Jan 30, 2009 5:52 pm
Clouds_Lover
Ideas are there but you need to focus on what your point of view is going to be and stick with it as well as what tense your words are in. Work on having better grammar and spelling. ^__^

Thanks for the constructive critisisim. I dont have Microsoft word o this pc so I could not spell check and stuff... and yeah I will work on it again eventually. razz I like the concept.  

Master Drock
Crew

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