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You know, as we go through the early steps of our lives, we stumble accross this funny block called right, wrong, and the space in between. A popular terminology for it nowadays is light, dark, and twilight, or day, night and twilight. It doesn't beat our black, white, and grey yet, but it does a good job of trying. A lot of people like the light, dark, and twilight metaphor because although not entirely accurate representations of the forces at work here, they convey it better than any of the other because it's a stimulating visual image to work comparisons off of.
Some people don't sweat it, they bump into it, look at it, and then continue bounding along their way, with their futures either involving falling down proverbial stairs or metaphorically flying down them with dignity and poise. And then there are those of us who hit it, stop, stare, and decide to contemplate the block to it's furthest extents, and find that the study of it leads into a world all it's own.
Those of us who are hte latter spend a few years devoted to things that follow the basic pattern, along with examples of the extremes and the middle road of twilight. We get to such points where we become sages of the light, the dark, and the twilight between. We know all there is to know.
AND THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is what makes us such dumbasses.
The problem lies in that most of the afore mentioned stuff happens in the required schooling, potentially starting in kindergarden and ending at senior graduation. During this time, your sheltered, more bound by the rules and laws of the world then you know. And then, all of a sudden, you're free. This is made worse if you get your driver's license around this time, as far as I know.
All of a sudden, you get hit not only with revelations of the truth, but the expereinces of it. Absolute freedom awaits most people who are released from high school, and those who aren't will work their way into acheivng such freedoms quickly-a teenager free is not prone to put up with things.
Anyways, the points is that hte world of possibility hits you so fast, you realize days, weeks after, if you do at all.
In a way, the time between graduation and a mission is a scary thing.
The first thing you have to get through your head is is that twilight is truly not a path for the active. To be void of the choice between right and wrong is to not be of the world, and if we are not of the world, we do not faces trials, and thus do not test ourselves, sharpen ourselves, and thus make us worthy of the divine bounty, whatever the appeal is for you, be it being with your family forever or becoming a god.
Twilight in it's truest form is the choice, the possibility of either. Rarely is something litterally neither good or evil in action. If something that is normally perceived as evil is nessecary, than for the moment it's justified and is thusly good, though as someone once rightly said, that doesn't mean you should not be disheartend by the event. Hell, the one story every church member knows of Nephi getting the brass plates teaches this. Killing is evil, but killing Laban for that moment became an act in good. Most people sadly don't have the good judgement to make that call nowadays.
Second thing you need to know is is that right and wrong are all that exist. Those things we call grey are just small versions of both, normally wrong. When you actually at it all in the face from active in the world sort of thing, grey suddenly becomes defined. Light and Dark are all that exist.
Anyways, back to why I was typing this.
It's scary to be in this true twilight, to be free of safety ropes and walking the tight rope with an umbrella at best and a lead weight at worst. It becomes apaprent to you that you CAN do anything, and that in the case of some things, the consequences of the world are literally nonexistant. I face the twilight almost daily now when I drive. I frequently ignore the law of the land in favor of pure enjoyment of speeding recklessly, despite my knowledge of it's ilelgality, and more importantly, lack of safety.
Painfully more aware, if less active, is just how easy it is to get laid. Seriously, a little lceaning up of myself and my act, and even with my mom's van I could get laid tonight. For someone who a few month's ago admitted to his belief that he would probably never find love and a constant struggle with his lust, it's tempting. The physical and emotional pleasure....even a uneducated mind such as mine on the subject can conjure a taste of what it must be like. That taste makes you want the real deal, to make like beasts and let passion rule your being.
But you know it's wrong. I know it's wrong, more importantly. More imporant than that is that I believe it to be wrong, because it's by no means a fact. I believe it enough that my reaction is is that I know it to be wrong. But God, I want it, as you probably would too.
With true freedom comes an amazing perspective of light and dark and twilight. And it's scarier than hell, because you become perfectly aware of the knife edge you walk on.
Sorian-of-Revelations · Sat Jun 23, 2007 @ 10:02am · 0 Comments |
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