Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

This is a very strange thing for me to post. Originally, becoming a moderator is what prompted me to even use this journal of mine; since then, I certainly haven't been religious about posting, but I have been at least occasional in doing so. Reviewing everything I've written, it's kind of strange to see how I've changed over the years.

But here's today's post. A few weeks ago, I sent my resignation as a moderator of Gaia Online.

In my message informing the other moderators of my decision, I had expressly stated something along the lines of 'in the fashion of all the ex-mods that have come before me, I'll be making a post in my journal regarding my reasons". It was half-joke, but it was something I sincerely intended on following up on. Now, a week or so after being demodded and getting to honestly enjoy Gaia again, I'm a bit more reluctant to stir anything up regarding my reasons for quitting. At the same time, though- if only so that, a year from now, I can look back and remember what I thought now- I feel it is necessary.

(Plus, there are some things I've been promising myself I'd say when I quit for YEARS, which the time is now ripe for. XD)

To begin with; Gaia Online has not done anything wrong that caused me to quit. I may not agree with their policies, but that does not make their policies "wrong" or "evil". Their needs have changed since when I initially became a moderator, and by necessity, they have had to make decisions regarding their course and how they intend to grow that I do not necessarily agree with. If anyone takes anything I write here as a sign that the administration of the site has made some horrible mistake, then to make it clear: [******** YOU. The admins have done nothing but do their best for the site, and if you just want to find a new excuse to troll them, go the hell away. I am not giving permission for any of this to show up in an SF thread lambasting the admins on their idiocy, so screw you if you think that I am.

That said.

There are two very major policy reasons that led to me quitting; both of which regard to the site's tendency to establish itself as a "corporation" that caters to its customers, rather than stick to its user-based roots. One of them is a strong symbol of my belief to free, responsible speech on the site, and the other is more of a sense of my respect for the current moderation team and my unhappiness with the standards that they are not being held to.

Out of respect for the moderation and administrative teams of Gaia, I am going to do my damnedest not to trip over NDA (which is "non-disclosure agreement", in case you couldn't guess; yes, people, when a moderator says they are not allowed to discuss something, it's because they are literally not allowed to discuss something). I don't want to cause any issues for the people who are sticking in there, who still enjoy helping out the site from the position as a moderator and don't need the headache of another disgruntled ex-mod saying stupid things to make things more difficult when certain idiots misinterpret the limited information they should not have been given and make a huge blow-up about it. Maybe I'll get to discuss things more fully once things are public knowledge; who knows? Until then, however, here is what I feel like I CAN say.

1) Regarding censorship.

Those who keep up on things like Lanzer's journal know that there is a certain amount of censorship soon to reach Gaia. Specifically, things like the discussion of ***** will no longer be permitted on the site. This is something that really, really aggravates me to no end- specifically because, this is not a decision that I could EVER see coming from people directly involved and active in the site's growth and community. This is something that is purely, wholly pressed in from the outside, hot-topic concerns actually coming into our site and ******** with what we can and cannot say. It literally infuriates me to think that the admins were willing to let this happen, were willing to sacrifice what I feel is one of the most dearly-held ideals of the Gaian userbase for the same of political correctness.

I don't know about anyone else, but at no point that I was on Gaia Online, did I come here so that I could meet the approval of my teachers, my parents, or society as a whole. In fact, to be honest, my sole and honest-to-God reason for joining the site was because it allowed my roleplaying characters to swear as foully as I felt their characters would want to. It evolved very quickly from that, of course; I came to love the freedom I had on the site, the seriousness of matters I could discuss that concerned me most, the sense of being a "responsible adult" when I was still a teenager and had trouble expressing myself or feeling like I would be taken seriously when I was aware of life-changing situations all around me. For a large part of the "war against terrorism", I've been around Gaia and been able to read different viewpoints; ones I've agreed with, ones that I haven't, ones that cut into my emotions and make me shout at the computer monitor in sheer disbelief that someone would dare to say something like that. And you know what? All of that, it's good. Not just that; it's AMAZING. The ways I've grown for being able to surround myself with such open thought, I can't even count them. I'm certainly a less ignorant person for it, more able to hold my own in those kinds of conversations and meet with new challenges that cross the philosophical mind. In short, I am a stronger, more worldly person for it.

That's why even one subject being censored is so troubling. Because let's face it; it won't stop the actual threat of online predators that may or may not be threatening the site. Hiding discussion of it merely makes people ignorant, it does not address or solve the root problem. Most online predators would not use Gaia as a site to do anything other than make initial contact with their targets anyway; the word "*****" would not come into play, because they'd take it to more private reaches like AIM long before that.

What, then, does prohibiting the discussion of ***** accomplish? Ask yourself, really; who does it help?

It helps the soccer moms, who don't want their teenagers exposed to such a subject. It helps the crowd that wants the internet to be a babysitter, who doesn't want to actually be involved in what their teens learn in their life or over the web, but just want them to be nice and safe and out-of-the-way until they grow up into responsible adults that the parents can then take credit for, never knowing what other influences are in their lives. Maybe that's not fair to say, but it's a truth (not THE truth, merely A truth) that I have observed on entirely too many occasions. In the tend, it helps corporate Gaia, who does not need the pressure of these groups or the constant threat of lawsuit over a hot-button issue if something SHOULD happen to one of their users (in the case of someone using the internet as a babysitter and not paying attention to what their teens are actually doing). So Gaia, I understand why you did it- but ******** hell, I said it before and I say it again, I do NOT agree with you messing with your userbase's abilities for such paltry reasons that don't actually HELP them.

2) Regarding moderation.

I have never been a perfect moderator. No one is; we're all human, we make mistakes. However, not one among us has not done our damnedest to be effective and fair, ******** whatever trash people might talk. Some of us are more likable than others; that doesn't mean that those are better moderators, merely that they've got better ways of telling someone to ******** off with a smile. My mother has a coffee cup that I adore, because this is what is written on it: "Diplomacy: the ability to tell someone to go to hell so that they'll look forward to the trip". THAT is the definition of what separates how most people view the current moderation team on an individual basis, because there is not a moderator on the team that I don't have absolute confidence in.

However, I feel that this is about to change. And damn it to hell, because I don't even KNOW what parts of this are public knowledge and which would be violating NDA. So, to speak as vaguely as I possibly can; I do not have confidence in the future moderators that are coming from the application system. I have spoken my piece about that, and found it not effective enough. I am disheartened by that, because the last thing that the moderation team needs is a lack of trust.





You can see why this was a very big part of why I stepped down, I think; I cannot, in good faith, stay a part of the moderation team when I do not have faith in the decisions that the administrators make on our behalf, nor in my fellow moderators-to-be. Much as I cannot, in good faith, take part in moderation on the site when I do not feel comfortable supporting certain policies that will be enforced on it. I tried to talk myself around it a million times; "Arri, you should stay a moderator because that's the only way you can affect change", I'd say. And, when I no longer believed that: "Arri, you should stay a moderator so that you can be a role model for the new mods, so that you can help with any issues". "Arri, you should stay a moderator so that you can do your best for the people you love, so that you can make sure that the interests of your forums are being served". "Arri, you should stay a moderator so that you don't leave the other mods on their own while all these changes are happening." "Arri, you should stay a moderator because it's scary not to."

Being a moderator was very different than being a user. I still don't understand what it is about me that prevented me from making a mule so that I could enjoy the site as usual; I felt that it was wrong to hide my identity, I guess. But every time I would go into Towns to goof around, it would inevitably turn into a mod Q&A session. Same as if I tried to hang around any threads that I was not already intimately familiar with. I'd get random PMs from people asking how to become a moderator, what it was like; the ones that annoyed me most were from the people I'd just warned, trying to shmooze up to me and get "in" with the mod team. New acquaintances would always be cast in some slight doubt, because you didn't know what they wanted from you- and I've been bitten in the a** more than a few times for dismissing those concerns and trying to believe in people, trust me. I no longer deal with a number of people who have given me signs that they considered me more a moderator than a person- most notably, one that blew up at me on an outside site because I wasn't acting like a moderator off of Gaia, saying something like "I have lost total faith in the Gaia moderation team because of you".

But no. ******** you people, because you know what? I've never been anyone's "mod friend". In fact, so far as I'm concerned, I've never been "moderator". Who I am is different from what I do, and people have a ridiculous amount of trouble seeing that sometimes. Even friends I love dearly joke about me being a mod, and you know what? So long as it stays in joke, I'll be okay with that. My most earnest wish is that my stepping down as a moderator will not change the relationships I treasure, because God knows that they sure as hell changed when I stepped up as one.

So, for those of you who may have been confused in the past. My name is Mandy. I enjoy acting, writing, drawing, and singing. Most of the Gaia gold I make, I get from buying and selling tickets on the Marketplace- and I've always been piss poor, so I don't suggest you try it. I have a lot of cats, and saying "mrow" is one of my forms of greeting- both online and in real life, sadly. I've had a writer's block for any sort of Gaia roleplay since January, which is disappointing because I have so many obligations to fulfill. I enjoy playing online games, but rarely keep interest for long without some sort of creative element. I tend to be extremely patient, and if I hold grudges, it's because I feel someone has severely mistreated me and has no intention of either acknowledging or making up for it. And hallelujah; I am not a moderator of Gaia Online, nosiree, and you can deal with it. I may apply again one day in the future, if I feel that the site meets my standards for "let me throw hours and hours of my life keeping you clean, oh please oh please!" once more; until then, however, I fully intend to enjoy the Internet without being responsible for a corner of it.