Things To Do When You’re Bored
-Wax the ceiling
-Rearrange political campaign signs
-Sharpen your teeth
-Play Houdini with one of your siblings
-Braid your dog's hair
-Clean and polish your belly button
-Water your dog...see if he grows
-Wash a tree
-Knight yourself
-Name your child Edsel
-Scare Stephen King
-Give your cat a mohawk
-Purr
-Mow your carpet
-Play Pat Boone records backwards
-Vacuum your lawn
-Whine
-Rake your carpet
-Re-elect Richard Nixon
-Critique "Three's Company"
-Listen to a painting
-Play with matches
-Buff your cat
-Race ferrets
-Paint your house...Day-Glo Orange
-Have a formal dinner at White Castle
-Read Homer in the original Greek
-Change your mind
-Change it back
-Learn Greek
-Watch the sun...see if it moves
-Stand on your head
-Stand on someone else's head
-Build a pyramid
-See how long you can stay awake
-See how long you can sleep
-Spit shine your Nikes
-Paint your teeth
-Wear a salad
-Speak with a forked tongue
-Get your dog braces
-Shave a shrub
-Have a proton fight
-Watch a car rust
-Quiver
-Rotate your carpet
-Learn to type...with your toes
-Set up your Christmas tree in April
-Buy the Brooklyn Bridge
-Be someone special
-Mail it to a friend
-Go back to square one
-Factor your social security number
-Take the fifth
-Memorize a series of random numbers
-Read the 1962 Des Moines white pages
-Join the Foreign Legion
-Learn Sanskrit
-Exist...existentially, of course
-Print counterfeit Confederate money
-Kick a cabbage
-Take a picture
-Sandpaper a mushroom
-Put it back
-Play solitaire...for cash
-Abuse your patio furniture
-Run for Pope
-Count to a million...fast
-Make a schematic drawing...of a rock
-Commit seppuku...with a paper knife
-Revert
-Think shallow thoughts
-Sleep on a bed of nails
-Boil ice cream
-DON'T toss and turn
-Run around in squares
-Think of quadruple entendres
-Speak in acronyms
-Have your pillow X-rayed
-Drink straight shots...of water
-Calmly have a nervous breakdown
-Give your goldfish a perm
-Fly a brick
-Play tag...on 35W
-Exorcise a ghost
-Be blue
-Exercise a ghost
-Be red
-But don't be orange
-Paint stripes on a lake
-Ski Kansas
-Sleep in freefall
-Kill a Joule
-Test thin ice...with a pogo stick
-Apply for a unicorn hunting license
-Do a good job
-Crawl
-Invite the Mansons over for dinner
-Paint your windows
-Watch a watch until it stops
-Flash your goldfish
-Paint
-Smile
-Paint a smile
-Flirt with an evergreen
-Rotate your garden...daily
-Shoot a fire hydrant
-Pretend you're blind
-Apologize to it
-Plant a shoe
-Sweat
-Give a Rorschach test to your gerbil
-Turn
-Take your sofa for a walk
-Write a letter to Plato
-Mail it
-Start
-Stop
-Go to a funeral...tell jokes
-Play the piano...with mittens on
-Starch your shoes
-Polish your Calvin's
-Contemplate a cockroach
-Get a dog to chase your car
-Investigate the Czar
-Let him catch it
-Form a political party
-Climb a sidewalk
-Have a political party
-Get diagonal...with a good friend
-Ride a loaf of bread
-Sharpen a carrot
-Interrogate a gerbil
-Annoy yourself
-Get mad at yourself
-Stop speaking to yourself
-Be a side effect
-Ride a bicycle...up Mt. McKinley
-Duck
-Redecorate...your garage
-Develop a complex
-Join the Army...be someone simple
-Try harder
-Hit the deck
-Put leg warmers on your furniture
-Cut the deck
-Scheme
-Sit
-Water your family room
-Stay
-Cause a power failure
-Roll over
-Wriggle
-Play dead
-Donate your brother's body to science
-Find a witch
-Ask why
-Burn her
-Regress
-Sleepwalk without sleeping
-Go bow hunting for Toyotas
-Kidnap Cabbage Patch Kids
-Jump back
-Play to lose
-Scalp a street light
-Have your car painted...plaid
-Read a tomato
-Sharpen your sleeping skills
-Watch a game show...take notes
-Put out a fire
-Interview a cloud
-If you can't find a fire, make one
-Play tiddlywinks...go for blood
-Play basketball...in a minefield
-Crumple
-Translate Shakespeare into English
-Skydive to church
-Cheer up a potato
-Do aerobic exercises...in your head
-Play cards with your swimming pool
-Pinstripe your driveway
-Play Kick the Fire Hydrant
-Harness chipmunk power
-Build a house with ice cubes
-Call London for a cab
-Mug a stop sign
-Change your name...daily
-Go for a walk in your attic
-Challenge your neighbor to a duel
-Try to join Hell's Angels by mail
-Wonder
-Be a square root
-Ask stupid questions
-Weld your car doors shut
-Spew
-Vacation at Three-Mile Island
-Surf Ohio
-Teach your pet rock to play dead
-Go bowling for small game
-Be a monk...for a day
-Wear a sweatband to your wedding
-Staple
-Run away
-Intimidate a piece of chalk
-Abuse the plumbing
-Bend a florescent light
-Bend a brick
-Annoy total strangers
-Don't talk to things
-Draw Lewis structures on your ceiling
-Have your cat bronzed
-Have your gerbil gilded
-Write books about writing books
-Create random equations
-Misspell words
-Tell your feet a joke
-Throw a tomato into a fan
-Sing the ABC song backwards
-Pretend you're a dog
-Dial-a-prayer and argue with it
-Grease the doorknobs
-String up a room
-Stack furniture
-Relive fond memories
-Tie your shoelaces together
-Gargle
-Count your teeth with your tongue
-Decay
-Find your half-life
-Build a house out of toothpicks
-Howl
-Wear a lampshade on your head
-Memorize the dictionary
-Stomp grapes in the bathtub
-Find a bug and chase it
-Make yourself a pair of wings
-Be immobile
-Dance 'til you drop
-Check under chairs for chewing gum
-Squish a loaf of bread
-Moo
-Bounce a potato
-Out maneuver your shadow
-Climb the walls
-Appreciate everything
-Challenge yourself to a duel
-Believe in Santa Claus
-Let the best man win
-Throw marshmallows against the wall
-Hold an ice cube as long as possible
-Adopt strange mannerisms
-Blow up a balloon until it pops
-Sing soft and sweet and clear
-Sing loud and sour and gravely
-Open everything
-Balance a pencil on your nose
-Pour milk in your shoes
-Write graffiti under the rug
-Embarrass yourself
-Grind your teeth
-Chew ice
-Count your belly button
-Sit in a row
-Stack crumbs
-Gesture
-Save your toenail clippings
-Make a pass at your blender
-Punt
-Make up words that start with X
-Make oatmeal in the bathtub
-Search for the Lost Chord
-Chew on a sofa cushion
-Sing a duet
-Balance a pillow on your head
-Hold your breath
-Faint
-Stretch
-Flash your mailman
-Teach your TA English
-Learn to speak Farsi
-Swear in Russian
-Use an eraser until it goes away
-Disassemble your car
-Put it together inside out
-Record your walls
-Interview your feet
-Make a list of your favorite fungi
-Sell formaldehyde
-Make napalm
-Tattoo your dresser
-Watch a bowling ball
-Buy some diapers
-Eat everything
-Begin
-Pour milk in the sink
-Make cottage cheese
-Tie-dye your sheets
-Hold your earlobes
-Carpet your ceiling
-Fold your earlobes
-Flap
-Squawk
-Read tea leaves
-Analyze the Koran
-Be Buddha
-Award yourself a Nobel Peace Prize
-Plug in the cat
-Turn on everything
-Drop pebbles down the chimney
-Turn off your neighbor
-Kill a plant
-Buy a 1931 Almanac
-Memorize the weather section
-Think lewd thoughts about yourself
-Peel grapes
-Make paper from the skins
-Send chills down your spine
-Blow bubbles
-Bloat
-Catch them with your radiator
-Get run over by a train of thought
-Make up famous sayings
-Bite your pinkie
-File your teeth
-Design a better toilet seat
-Shred a newspaper
-Scratch
-Have a headache
-Sniff
-Hatch an egg
-Play air guitar
-Spill
-Act profound
-Spell
-Stare
-Truncate
-Slouch
-Develop hearing problems
-Put your feet behind your head
-Tie bows in everything
-Hold your hand
-Watch the minute hand move
-Grow your fingernails
-Pretend you're a telephone
-Radiate
-Ring
-Skip
-Play hopscotch...with real scotch
-Clock the velocity of your REMs
-Put your shoes on the opposite feet
-Cross your toes
-Roll your tongue
-Crystallize
-Baby oil the floor
-Hide
-Attack innocent bunnies
-Declare war
-Destroy a tree
-Hide the scrabble bag
-Seduce your stick shift
-Wink
-Memorize the periodic table
-Mummify
-Pretend you're a roadie
-Buy a Ginsu knife
-Collect electrons
-Correct typos that aren't there
-Polish your neck...use Pledge
-Repeat
-Ad lib
-Fade
-Loosen the lug nuts on your dad's new car
-Drop your cat off the roof to see if it lands on all four feet
-Count the bags under Walter Mondale's eyes
-Unscrew all the light bulbs and rearrange the furniture
-Found the Jim Jones School of Bartending
-Listen for non-satanic messages (i.e. "Drink milk" wink
-Dress like Motley Crue...surprise your grandmother
-Dial-a-Prayer and tell them they're wrong
-Go into a bar and ask for a Molotov Cocktail
-Learn everything there is to know about the Holy Roman Empire
-Make a drive-in window at your local bank where there wasn't one before
-Walk on water...but don't get caught
-Confess to a crime...that didn't happen
-Be in the wrong place at the right time
-Plot the overthrow of your local School Board
-Request covert assistance from the CIA
-Discover the source of the Mississippi
-Search for buried treasure...in Nebraska
-Hot wax the bottom of your brother's dress shoes
-Preach the philosophy of Marx...Groucho, that is
-Drink as much prune juice as you can
-Write a book about your previous life
-Serve ping-pong balls...as hors d'oeuvres
-Jump up and down...on your alarm clock
-Make a quilt out of used cocktail napkins
-Sterilize your stereo...with Jack Daniel's
-Carve you and your girlfriend's initials...in a marshmallow
-Drive the speed limit...in your garage
-Sing the national anthem...during your calculus final
-Wear a three-piece suit...in a sauna
-Pay off the national debt...with a bad check
-Go to a cemetery and verbally abuse dead people
-Give yourself a hernia...for Christmas
-Defend your neighborhood from roving Mongol hordes
-Recite romantic poetry...to your toaster
-See if you really can build a nuclear device in your own basement
-Go to McDonald's and pretend you can't speak English
-Write to your congressmen, senators, President, etc. to tell them what a good job they're doing...On April 1st
-Find the heat capacity of your chemistry professor
-Take apart all your major kitchen appliances...mix and match them
-Turn your TV picture tube upside down
-Phone in a death threat on President Kennedy
-Put lighted EXIT signs on all your closets
-Carry a tune...drop it, see if it breaks
-Be planar...but don't tell your parents
-Play hockey with your little cousin...as the puck
-Make a deal with the devil...but keep your fingers crossed
-Put instant concrete in your big brother's waterbed
-Give a lecture on the historical significance of cream cheese
-Debate politics with a fern
-If you lose, stop watering it and try again.
-Increase your territorial holdings by force
-Find out how many ways there really are to skin a cat
-Boldly go where no man has gone before
-Be a threat to the American way of life
-Do research into the cause of World War III
-Be a threat to the Northwestern Tibetan way of life
-Re-establish the Roman Empire...in Pittsburgh
-See how small you can scrunch your face
-Sell firewood door to door...in Atlantis
-Found the TLO (Toledo Liberation Organization)
-Play nuclear chicken with a small third world nation
-Raise professional certified racing turnips
-Give your grandmother a raise and another day of paid vacation
-Lead an aerobics class...for patients of the I.C.U.
-Go to a drive-in movie in a tank
-Go to a non-drive-in movie in a tank and drive in anyway
-Send President Reagan an alarm clock...wind it up first
-Found a cockroach stable and stud ranch
-Send your goldfish to obedience school
-Free the oppressed toasters of America
-Weave a tablecloth out of copper tubing
-Give your cat a suntan...in the microwave
-Park your car...with a friend
-Park your car...with a group of friends
-Frame your first statement of bankruptcy
-Place it on the wall of your office
-Solve the population problem (x^2 + y^2 = population...solve for x)
-Contribute to the population problem
-Wear a T-shirt that says "I'll walk on you to see The Who" and a peace sign
-Practice the Aztec method of heart removal on your professor
-Find out who made the super glue commercials and give them your Ginsu knife
-Get Ronco and K-tel to merge...they sell the same stuff anyway
-Sneak into a nuclear physics lab and stay the night
-Play with anything that looks interesting
-Drop piston engines on two people and see who squishes first
-See if your goldfish can live in Coors rather than water
-Try to ignite water...the Mississippi might work
-Draw Venn diagrams...screw them up
-State fallacies as fact (like, "peanuts grow on bushes" wink
-Visit the Architecture building...loudly criticize its design
-Make a schematic drawing...of a rock
-Wallpaper your laundry room...with pages from books you don't like
-See if diamonds really do cut glass...on everything in your neighbor's house
-Tenderize your tongue...chew on it for a while
-See how long you can stare at a fluorescent light...try green
-Bronze your sister's turtle
-See how long it takes for her to notice
-See what she does when she notices
-Bronze your sister
props to nadzim for showing me this ;]
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