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the sad story of gummy bears

a long long time ago, aliens came to the earth. they were tiny little creatures, made of weird jelly stuff. they didnt have any mouths, they talked with their minds. they came to earth, as i mentioned earlier. their space craft (also made of rubbery jelly) crashed into the forest. here, they met bears! but not just any kind of bear, no, these were miniature bears. they lived in mushrooms. magical mushrooms. so they were a little crazy. they heard the crash, so they rushed out to see what happened. they saw the damage, and saw that the little aliens needed help. but the bears, being bears, didn't know they were aliens. they also thought their space craft was just a huge, deformed mushroom that fell out of a tree. they thought the aliens were weird cousins of theirs. you know how crazy the animal kingdom is. i mean, look at the platypus.

so they went to go help the aliens. bears can't talk either, even though they have mouths. they also talk with their minds. so the bears were able to converse with the aliens. the aliens took advantage of the simple bears, feeding them lies. the bears took all the rubbery, jiggly aliens into their mushroom houses. magical mushrooms houses.

the aliens, having highly advanced technology and super powers, hypnotized all the bears and forced them to perform ghastly sexual acts. because these aliens lived on sex. with out sex, they would die. their heads would fall off, and they would die.

so they had sex with the bears. after they were done, their brains felt tingly and refreshed. they magically gained the knowledge of how they could fix their space craft. so they took the bears out of their trance. the bears had no memory of what had been done to them. but alas, the bears were attracted to the aliens. so the bears seduced the aliens and they had sex, once again.

while the bears were asleep, the aliens fixed their space ship and left for another planet.

the bears awoke the next day, all impregnated. they were all impregnated, because these were amazon bears. a tribe of bears with a hate for men. bears who use men for reproduction and nothing more. they were not surprised that the bears were gone, they were glad.

since these were alien babies, the bears stayed impregnated for 8 years. however, 7 years after the aliens left, humans came and chopped down the forest. they discovered the bears and brough them in to the crazy scientists. these scientists poked them, cut them, and licked them. he kept them all in glass tubes. finally 8 years passed since that fateful night with the aliens. all the bears had little babies. but not regular babies, miniature bear babies made of weird rubbery jelly. the scientists saw this and decided to EAT the babies because they were scared of them. they discovered that they were really good. and that the different colored babies tasted different. so they conducted more and more tests and finally found a way to make artificial alien semen. so they harvest the babies, pack them, and ship them to candy distributors around the world.

so you are not just eating a weird rubbery candy. you are eating a bear, with a soul

so the moral of this story is, people don't hate you because you are of a different race, they actually want to eat you because different colors = different flavors

the end.

(this story was made up by me, for my friend FrozenIsh, there fore, it is dedicated to him)