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mxvsatv
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Commented on: Mon Jun 02, 2008 @ 09:13pm


	well.. apparently i'm upset, only i don't know from what maybe if my mind would like.. link up or something, i could figure it out, but there is definately a bridge or two out

Commented on: Tue Jun 03, 2008 @ 06:25pm


	forgot about these--devil driver kicked a** i'd flip it, but its easier to turn your head to the side

mxvsatv
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mxvsatv
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Commented on: Tue Jun 03, 2008 @ 09:26pm


	guess i actually am on my own

Commented on: Wed Jun 04, 2008 @ 04:27am


	I wonder what's there, whatever it is that's below my stomach that hurts when i have to hold things in, things like anger/frustration, feelings, things you know you can't say but want or need to, things you keep denying. Vice versa, whatever it is also overwhelms you with a bubbly bursting kind of feeling when you feel intense love for someone, or your child calls you dadda (or mommy, I'm sure), or when you take a hit of coke or heroin is that a soul?

mxvsatv
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mxvsatv
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Commented on: Wed Jun 04, 2008 @ 04:31am


	actually.. that's probably just an empty space where my soul used to be

Commented on: Wed Jun 04, 2008 @ 04:45am


	the journal looks more like i'm talking to myself rather than a journal, maybe its the retarded speech bubbles as the comment things

mxvsatv
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mxvsatv
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Commented on: Wed Jun 04, 2008 @ 05:12pm


	okay.. you dont care about.. well half of my life, yet you freak out when i make my journal private so... well what the ********? don't ask if you dont want to know, and don't look if you dont want to see better yet i'll go back to nothings and i dont knows if i think there's the slightest chance it'll upset you and later that night i'll have to sort it out before falling asleep

Commented on: Wed Jun 04, 2008 @ 08:52pm


	she actually cooperated today! I got her to ride around the pen with almost no problems.

mxvsatv
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mxvsatv
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Commented on: Wed Jun 04, 2008 @ 10:42pm


	i'm being avoided for not even being an a*****e?

Commented on: Thu Jun 05, 2008 @ 02:28am


	that feels so much better now

mxvsatv
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mxvsatv
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Commented on: Thu Jun 05, 2008 @ 04:08am


	i want to take that picture of me and gramps out and put it up somewhere, but when i look at it, its still upsetting, maybe in a few years i can put it out, cause when I see it, i'll just remember good things

Commented on: Thu Jun 05, 2008 @ 09:03pm


	what an awesome day so much better than basically all of this week, found the races, got to do something else.. maybe that was what i was missing the whole time but there was one set-back, her dad is booking something for us in Destin Florida without asking.. just did it well ******** him, maybe i just won't go

mxvsatv
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mxvsatv
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Commented on: Sun Jun 08, 2008 @ 02:06am


	actually.. i barely could motivate myself to get out of bed.. and after coming online, i realize i should have stayed there after-all mostly because.. what's the difference?

Commented on: Sun Jun 08, 2008 @ 02:17am


	no wait.. i can't go backto bed, i'll go out tonight i just need to go out and do something and be around a lot of people

mxvsatv
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Commented on: Mon Jun 09, 2008 @ 04:46pm


	i didn't even read the asteria account saturday

Commented on: Mon Jun 09, 2008 @ 05:31pm


	if i could breathe, that would be great

mxvsatv
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Commented on: Wed Jun 11, 2008 @ 04:19am


	you think i'm missing something obvious? your obviously missing what i think and how i feel, but you don't ask about it, which is good since i wouldn't be able to tell you anyways

Commented on: Wed Jun 11, 2008 @ 05:50pm


	i could really use a little coke now, just one warm bursty feeling

mxvsatv
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Commented on: Thu Jun 12, 2008 @ 01:03am


	what a shitty nap i had enough of a buzz going to be happy and i was just asleep when she bursts in screaming about how her dad is paying to send us to hawaii i dont want to go to ****** hawaii, that's like... just way to far away plus, he's paying for **** her dad, i dont want anything to do with his money, he'll just use that against me too (you can't do this, or this or this.. ) because i guess he thinks people who aren't wealthy can't be happy or something well st, he doesn't seem so happy to me and he's probably making at least 6 times what i make actually.. could take advantage of his money while i have the chance, i mean, whose to say that wouldn't be fun? i'd rather go to jamaica though xp

Commented on: Thu Jun 12, 2008 @ 05:30pm


	1. your criteria suck 2. more than one person fits them, so 3. there needs to be some type of deciding factor it's supposed to be to someone you love with everything you have and who loves you back as passionately as you do them--yes on her side, not on mine because i'm not really open to that anymore-not to mention, lots of people start out with passionate love and it completely fizzles and turns into nothing and they divorce, or they still have love, just not as passionate all the time, and still enjoy living together Someone you can't see yourself without. Someone who, no matter who you're with or where you're at, is always on your mind--i just can't see myself being alone anymore, and i have lots of people on my mind The one person who's made you be the happiest you ever have been and was willing to stand by you when you were at your worst -basically was there for you through thick and thin, even when you didn't really want help--yeah, she's had to roll me on my side when i passed out from drinking so i wouldn't die from drowning in vomit, she also comes if i have bad hallucinations and call her, and she called me at the hospital every day-but i refused to let her come in most days oh yeah, happiest days.. umm.. oh, she was there when I got my truck, and.. she went for a ride on my new motorcycle when i got it, cause i wanted to go ride it-since i was excited to have gotten it Someone who you know without a doubt, genuinely loves and cares for you and would do almost anything for you at the drop of a hat- and you know you would do the same for them too--this is like, the first one repeated, except, you don't have to love someone to be there when they need you Someone who, at just the sound of their voice or the sight of their smile, you get butterflies and a warm bubbly feeling in your stomach. Someone who, with just a simple touch, can send electricity tingling up your spine--that is, very unrealistic--especially long term, i mean, sometimes that happens, but its not every time you see them and whatever, like when your first going out Someone you're completely comfortable with and can tell almost anything to--almost anything? damn.. i think you should be able to tell them anything at all, and I do with her, i even had to explain why i won't say "i love you" and she's accepting of that Someone who, when you're with them, things just seem right- like, that's how things are supposed to be--i dont think there's a set way things are supposed to be, so how would that work? Someone you love to spend time with--for.. an entire day or for a few hours? Cause we can find a lot of things in common to do and have fun Someone who knows what can make you smile and laugh- and does. But who also knows what can make you cry and does everything in their power not to hurt you--well, she knows how to do both of them, and only uses it against me when i'm being a jackass, so I guess that qualifier was also met Someone you know you want to spend the rest of your life waking up next to, snuggled up to them, wrapped in their arms--maybe.. she always wakes up earlier than me, and she isn't sleeping here now, so I can't really judge that one Someone who loves you for who you are, not what you have, and always will--yeah, that's never been an issue Someone who misses you when you're gone and is more than excited to greet you when you get back--well, rocky does that--and he's a dog, so i'm sure a person would have an even easier time doing that Someone you can joke around with, but who can also be serious with you when necessary--I can do this with basically everyone I know, including her so I should marry Wolfman too? or any of my other friends Don't get me wrong, someone who's stable is really great, but you need the other stuff too--no, i really want someone stable, because how are two ******** up people going to be able to stay together? They can't, its too much strain

mxvsatv
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Commented on: Thu Jun 12, 2008 @ 06:06pm


	if drugs isn't enough of an issue for you, you can read what i wrote below, you won't like it, but at least i've given you the option--and kept it g-rated so.. last thursday me and miquel got diner at a mexican place, and the waitress was hott, so miquel told me i should try to pick her up--he said latina's are harder to pick up than white girls--so as we were leaving, the last time she came by i told her she should let me get her dinner-except she only spoke a little english, which did make it harder, so i had to have miquel interpret--then she suddenly left and went into the kitchen doors without saying anything, so he started laughing figuring he had won, but she quickly came back out with a pen and wrote her number on the receipt, then she tried to explain something in english, but i didn't get it, so she said it in spanish to miquel and then he told me, if i call, it would be hard to understand her family because they speak very little english, so i should just ask for her right away, but she was worried that she couldn't understand what i was saying either (i should have taken more spanish) so i asked when she got off of work, and she said 10pm--which was, well perfect, since that's when i get off work, so I told her i also get off work at 10 and could meet her here just after 10, which she liked a lot, and pointed out to the parking lot and wanted to know if i was coming on the motorcycle, and i said, yes, unless you don't want to, because i have a truck too, but she shook her head no, and said that the motorcycle was good (like.. it was okay I guess) xd before we headed out the door, she did that spanish kiss on each cheek thing to both of us miquel was impressed, i said maybe she just liked white guys and that's why it was easy and i had to think about it, but by 10 i was craving a latina, so I met up with her which is no different than earlier in may when ashley turned 18, she asked me to be there, and i went oh yeah, but miquel came over and said that she was waiting for me at a friend's house, and that's why he came over early last night hehe, oh, and saturday me and miquel went to a bar that a lot of mexicans go to, and i was telling him about thursday, and some short mexican guy started to ask like, what her name was, then how old she was, and what she looked like, well, turns out that was his sister, and he was getting drunk, and he didn't really like what I had said, and one of his friends called him negro (which i already know in spanish means black, but they usually have nicknames from childhood that they call each other, miquel told me that usually negro is given to a child who is always dirty and likes to play in the mud and stuff like that, except i was feeling kinda cocky saturday, so i said something like "what'd they call you, negro? i didn't realize you liked black people so much" (because mexicans and black people basically hate each other--i'm not sure why, they just do) and that's when he popped me a good one in the throat, probably because he could reach my face, my throat instantly felt like it was on fire, but the swelling didn't start until at least an hour later, so we scuffled until his friends seperated us, then me and miquel left real quick--before anyone had a chance to get the police involved

Commented on: Thu Jun 12, 2008 @ 09:27pm


	i told you, we talk about everything especially the past month and i can understand why she did it i'm not completely nuts marrying her, you know

mxvsatv
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Commented on: Fri Jun 13, 2008 @ 04:22am


	i'm pretty sure i already told you i crave attention.. and i'm basically a man-whore stare that shouldn't be a surprise and yeah, if i say my pillow is comforting then it is

Commented on: Fri Jun 13, 2008 @ 05:26am


	i really want to go to bed

mxvsatv
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Commented on: Fri Jun 13, 2008 @ 07:36pm


	well now, that was abrupt and still not back yet, without much explaination

Commented on: Fri Jun 13, 2008 @ 08:20pm


	come back online please.. keiko is on and talking to me come on, soon?

mxvsatv
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Commented on: Fri Jun 13, 2008 @ 08:36pm


	i'm going to feel bad about it later, but i told rachel to ******** off and.. basically that i wish i never met her yeah.. i'll feel bad about that later

Commented on: Fri Jun 13, 2008 @ 08:54pm


	********.. how many girls do I have to upset today? the first one was an accident.. but i have to admit, i knew what i was doing when i replied back to rachel

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