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EVIL Hello all, and welcome to Inuyasha sucks version 2.1. I chose to write a second essay because my original had a blatant lack of Kikyo bashing. For that, I sincerely apologize. This is 2.1 because 2.0 was erased when I opened a copy of huge.jpg yesterday, and diddn't have the patience to let it load. All points from the original Inu-sucks post still apply, but you may want to set a fair ammount of time aside, because this one is twice as long. For those of you who are blessed with ignorance, Inuyasha is a successful attempt by Rumiko Takahashi to market third-rate furry pr0n as legitimate media. A fully uncensored version of Inuyasha (rumpy-pumpy included) is stored in a Japanese bunker on the moon as a doomsday device. The "show" (I use the term loosely) runs a full 167 episodes (~61 hours) of which approximately 10 minutes is plot development, 10 hours show exactly the same "wind-scar" animation, and the rest is pseudo-romantic filler. The show has made it onto the "Shows Jackal would rather contract Dysentery than watch" list along such gems as: Sailor Moon (all seasons) Robotech Masters Robotech (Invid Saga) Scryed Teen Titans (Seasons 2-4 and any episode that does not feature Mad Mod) Part One: Plot Inconsistencies 1. If their time is truly the "Feudal Era" then why do they all have baggy clothing with lavish colors? I was under the impression that manufacturing "haz-mat" red blimp covers would have been nearly impossible during that time period due to the scarcity of cloth, dye, and money to pay for such. Wouldn't the characters be limited to the earthen-toned rags that the rest of the peasants wear? 2. Kagome is able to run around uttering a guttural howl (which our xenomorph biologists believe to be a hunting call) even though the left-bottom quadrant of her stomach has been ripped off. (ep.1) 3. Kagome somehow survived for 15 years with a jewel embedded in her small intestine. 4. None of Inuyasha's limbs atrophied at all after being stapled to a tree for 15 years. 5. After thousands of years of constant battle, normal peasants have no weapons that can successfully damage a demon. 6. When previously mentioned normal weapons are given to a main character, they become about as dangerous as a "bouncing betty" with a vial of ebola attached. (see ep.2) 7. Despite the abilities to change direction in midair, run faster than any character in the show, and harden his own blood into blades, Inuyasha was not able to kill an unarmed and unarmored Kagome who was running directly away from him. 8. Despite the fact that Inuyasha killed at least four villagers (look for a kerosene explosion in episode 2) and was presumed to have killed Kikyo, none of the villagers ever really objected to Inuyasha using their village as his "home base" of sorts, combined with the fact that they have no useful weapons, and make a living by tilling the same barren fields every day, leads me to believe that every single one of them is clinically retarded. 9. ~Flashback Time~ Why would Inuyasha and Kikyo both want him to become human? So he could just be another defenseless villager working on his dirt farm? The village could have had TWO protectors, not just one. 10. ~Flashback Time~ Why would Kikyo, the super demon killer priestess with years of experience, walk out into a demon infested forest unarmed, with a jewel that makes demons hundreds of times stronger? 11. Why would she then completely ignore a huge gust of wind from behind? 12. Why would she then assume that the demon was actually Inuyasha if he could have easily stolen it from her the previous night? 13. Why, being slashed through the spinal cord, could she WALK back to the village? 14. Why would Inuyasha believe that his assailant was truly Kikyo if she had no fewer than five chances to kill him before? 15. Why do her arrows penetrate his "bulletproof" Robe of the Fire Rat? 16. Wouldn't heating a jewel just make it warm, instead of blasting it into the future? 17. Kagome travels into the past bringing technology from the future, but the present never changes. An animated series is like a house you have to have a good foundation. If the foundation is made of bullshit, you have a horrible house. Add period-inappropriate costumes, 2d characters, and massive plot inconsistencies, and you get one saggy house. When the bullshit decays over time (167 episodes) it creates methane, which may explode, killing everyone in the house. Long analogy short: The show sucks. Part 2: The Characters Inuyasha- Coked-up surf bum I see, so he killed some people, but now he has friends, so it's okay. How he keeps said "friends" is a mystery to me. A boorish, incompetent, murder with an inferiority complex seems to be the least likely candidate for the willing company of living humans. Inuyasha's role in the show is to be a piece of saccharine flavored racial commentary. Hint for the thickers out there: Half demon="The Negro" Was that too deep for you? I remember something like this being done in X-men. And nearly every comic ever written since 1967! If Rumiko Takahashi has one strength, it's her originality. Finally, what is up with Inuyasha's blimp suit? It is supposed to protect him from damage, but it does no such thing. After the sword incident in ep. 2 and the fire incident in ep. whatever, the robe does NOTHING! Eventually, even swords can cut his suit like a blow torch through warm jello. Hojo- Idiot Hojo is a nice kid, studious, active, but with one main problem. He is insanely oblivious to every single thing going on around him. Hmm. Kagome disappears at random times, her friends talk constantly about some new "bad boy," and she is never actually sick when he sees her. All of these facts should add up to: "Dump the hypochondriac slut," but instead Hojo always gets: "lavish even larger gifts on her ungrateful self." My greatest hope for episode 168? Kagome: Hojo! Help me with my homework, as I have been away for an unsatisfactorily explained reason! Hojo: If you want help with your homework, buy a bunk bed, and a large cheese pizza and call up the chess club you whore! Kagome faced with an intelligent person whom she cannot physically intimidate dissolves into a puddle of ectoplasm. BEST EPISODE EVER. Kagome- Listening to this character speak in the dub or sub versions, is like having my ears raped by a creepy old man made entirely out of shattered glass and Agent Orange. What makes the experience even worse, is the fact that no useful information is ever contained in her strange baying. There are four types of anime girls: sporty, sickly, ditz, and jailbait. The writers tried to smash those pieces into one character, but of course, just got a pile of crumpled metal and burning human limbs. Problem A: Abusive. Kagome for some odd reason has the spirit of a PCB soaked leather-maiden haunting her body. As such, she continually smashes Inuyasha for the most ridiculous of offences. The best example, was when Inuyasha was too smart for her: In episode 17 whole armies had been killed under strange circumstances, which left their bodies smelling like ink. Inuyasha &co came to investigate, and found a painter who smelled like blood. Inuyasha put two and two together inside of his dope-addled brain, and accosted the man. Kagome then beat him down because he was being "rude." If she is so "in love" with him, wouldn't she want to hear his side before she backstabs him? Her impatient tantrum cost another 50 or so soldiers their lives. Problem B: Too happy. Many of you may say "Jakal you fagot hse isnt too happy got it" To which I reply: Kill yourself. At any rate, for a person with thousands of lives on her conscience due to her own incompetence, she sure does a lot of staring into the sun with an innocent but braindead look on her face. I would think that she would be crying constantly about all of the corpses of children killed because of demon attacks brought about by her magical exploding jewel, or all of the deaths in the "hellpainter" incident. The b***h has no concience. End of story. Problem C: Useless What do you call someone in a fight who wears no armor, has no melee attacks, and never actually kills a "series villain?" Useless. Remember this point? If The Centipede Lady, Demon Crow, Moth Demon 1, and all low level demons can sense the shards of the sacred jewel, Why couldn't Inuyasha(&co) not simply hire a low level demon to help them find the shards, instead of some jerk from the future who adds absolutely nothing else to the show. Generally it would be a better idea to hire an untrustworthy guide, than a passive-aggressive harlot from the future with a shock collar around the main character's neck. Problem D: Whore What do you call someone who accepts gifts and money under the flawed presumption of mutual attraction? A Whore. Given that she accepts gifts and praise from Koga and Hojo, and given that she seems more disposed to Inuyasha, she fits the criteria perfectly. In fact she is the only character in the show to transcend the normal "love triangle" to form the "rhombus of deceit." Great catch there man. Kikyo- Worst Disappointment Ever. When I first heard about Kikyo, I was very impressed. Undead demon-killing machine with loads of cool competency and quiet knowledge? Exact opposite of Kagome you say? Well, sign me the hell up! Unfortunately, Kikyo turned out to be a mopey ice queen who spent all of her time in the shadows. But that's not all! Every time she tries to do something, she fails miserably. Kikyo's Checklist: 1. Convince Inuyasha to commit suicide- FAILED 2. Help Naraku gain all of the fragments of the sacred jewel- FAILED (He did it on his own) 3. Kill Naraku for completed sacred jewel- FAILED 4. Remain hidden from Inuyasha- FAILED Wow. Great catch here too. No wonder Inuyasha is having such a hard time choosing. Kaede- Pirate Lady. I found it odd that she never even once said "ARR! Ye killed my sister! I will avenge her death!" In fact, she never even seemed angry at that fact. There was literally no difference between her behavior in episode 1 and her behavior in episode 167. She even trusted Inuyasha to BURY HER ALIVE in ep.4, and traded friendly banter with him in ep.2. All of the characters are emotionally dead shells of people. Sango- Damaged Goods. A useless "aussie fighter chick" with no energy-based attacks whatsoever. Meaning: she cannot kill any important monsters. Not moth 1, not moth 2, nobody. That makes me very sad. What makes me even sadder, is that aside from the three minutes before and after a Kohaku based event, she does not even seem like she remembers that her family was killed in front of her eyes. It might give her more of a reason to NOT be one of Inuyasha's cheerleaders. Oh, also she has a cat that's on fire. Miroku- "Amber Alert" After 167 episodes of his constant whining about how he needs a son, I have one thing to say: "Either risk your life against his poison to kill Naraku with your Wind Tunnel, or cut off your hand, you big p***y!" He has the perfect weapon against Naraku: The curse Naraku gave his grandfather. It sucks things up. Kill Naraku with it, then cut off your hand. Or even better: Foolproof plan to kill Naraku! 1. Drink antidote 2. Put tourniquet around arm 3. Kill Naraku with Wind Tunnel 4. If the poison still spreads from the NONEXISTANT wind-tunnel, cut off hand. Hey guys, do you think that he like-likes Sango? I do! I wonder why they are both too cowardly to admit it. That's why their relationship is just a long filmstrip about sexual harassment and violence in the workplace. Either that, Or they just like hard play. Who knows? Shippo: So? he's a small fox. who can shape change, but for some reason never transforms into a giant monster, or handgun, or anything useful. whee. Also, there was some foolishness about his father being killed. Why he is not emotionally scarred, I have no Idea, maybe because even being the most emotionally available character in the show, his performance is about as stiff as FDR's legs. Sesshomaru- Dog Hitler Hmm. A strange man walking around the forest dressed like a sexually repressed bi-curious clown killing people. I wonder if he likes to play "masquerade" with the skin off of people's faces. His special attacks are: ejecting poison out of his manicured nails, using his Sailor-Senshi skip-rope powers, waving a sword in the general direction of an enemy, and turning into a really slow moving large dog. So, he hates people because they are [genetically]"inferior" and he kills them any chance he gets. That explains why one day, he randomly saves an orphan. Was his mascara a hallucinogen? Or did he finally decide to jump the kindergarten ladder? No one knows. (Naraku Plot breakdown is the same) Naraku: Oh god. Years from now, when archaeologists are investigating the "Fahrenheit 451" style mass-graves of Inuyasha manga, they will recognize this character as the Hindenburgh of all fictional villains. Evil Plot Breakdown- Plot 1- I will kill Kikyo to steal the jewel, and then RETURN it to the village as part of my EVIL plan to make it more EVIL! (Despite the fact that the whole jewel, even 50% evil, would have made him the most powerful demon ever.) Plot 2- I will kill the demon hunter tribe, and then save one demon hunter, who I will have fight Inuyasha to the death, not even suspecting that she will turn against me within five minutes, then since that didn't work out, I will just raise her brother from the dead, who will continually break out of my EVIL mind control, and never succeed in more than one mission (Naraku's baby) Plot 3- I really hate this monk, so I will give him the superpowers needed to defeat me! All he has to do is risk his life by sucking up three poison insects, and I will be surely doomed, but if that isn't enough, each ancestor of his gets another try at revenge! That sure shows him! Plot 4- I will raise the Shinentai (band of Seven), the most untrustworthy band of assassins ever, and I will trust them with the shards of the sacred jewel! The leader of the Shinentai only needs to kill a few more demons to make his sword powerful enough to defeat me, so if he is untrustworthy, I will send low-level demons after him! ^^^guess what happens to plot #4? Bankotsu- Dead Bankotsu was the coolest character ever for two minutes. The two minutes where he was beating Inuyasha to death with his bare hands. But then, he all of a sudden, decided to not do that. Long story short, he acted like a chump and died. Making him the least cool character. It's a Cinderella story. Jakotsu- Gay! Hooray! Jakotsu serves no purpose in the show other than to be a stereotypical gay person. Whee. I swear, Will&Grace did not run that wagon into the ground five years ago. The one thing I needed was more gay characters with no personalities other than the obvious. Man. I need more formulaic television. I'm going to watch "Friends" as soon as I finish writing this. Part 3: Music The music sucks: I want to change the world Piercing through the gales, unafraid of anything, Now I hold my courage and pieces of my smile Change my mind If we reach out to the soaring future without losing our passion, we'll be able to shine, It's wonderland So, you are a fickle person with only a half smile who is way over her head? Good to know. You've left something in the far reaches of the grey sky, and you keep on searching as you wander. In the night when your heart shook, and I can't see tomorrow I can't believe anything, and close my ears. When I met you, I found my true place in life. An innocent kindness is right here. And so we awaken... Only stalkers, hypocrites, and prisoners find their place in life through somebody else. I want to change the world I won't hesitate again. If I can shape a future with you, then I can fly anywhere. Change my mind I can spread my wings and fly towards the unknown future without losing my passion. It's wonderland Remember kids: don't hesitate! Lives have been lost thinking through life-changing decisions. You know, instead of blowing them to the wind like you should. And so, the song repeats over and over again until the audience either watches the show, or dies of kidney faliure due to the sheer ammount of preachy and saccharine idiocy injected directly into their bloodstream. Part 4: Relationship-O-Rama Possible pairings list: Inuyasha > Kagome Inuyasha>Kikyo Inuyasha>Sango Inuyasha>Miroku Kagome>Inuyasha Kagome>Koga Kagome>Naraku (tort, noncon) Kagome>Sesshomaru Sango>Miroku Sango>Naraku Sango>Sesshomaru Sango>Kagome Miroku>Kagura Demon-Inu>Hojo (bd,tort,noncon,oral,gangbang,racist,i,m/m/m/m/m/m/m/m) vote for me on fanciction.net! Actual pairings: None>None There is never going to be any emotional advancement at all in the series. There never has been. They will just keep on truckin' with the same first-grader "ambiguous relations" nonsense. They will keep going around in circles blushing at, and abusing each other until eventually the entire Inuyasha marketing universe crashes down on Takahashi's head. At which point, I sincerely hope that she wakes up out of her stupor and injects some originality into the show. Hopefully with Kagome kissing a bullet to get things moving. [/u] I HATED THIS WHEN I READ IT