I just feel like I need to write this down..before I do something stupid. I don't care who sees this or what anyone thinks.....
I feel like i'm dying on the inside cause of 'Him'.
You may not know who 'Him' is...but I do..all to well, since he was the one to take such a hold on my heart.
He keeps haunting me.
All the phone calls..all the texts..i'm being smothered.
I want it to end...the dream we had was shattered all cause of a mistake.
It is his fault for not thinking straight..not asking me what I thought.
Almost ending his life cause of me.
How can I stay with him after that?
I could say the wrong thing and..he'd make himself bleed..all cause of me.
I've never been truely happy, not once in my messed up life.
How could I think I could make someone else happy?
I have problems..so does he.
I thought I could heal him..and he do the same for me.
But it was just false hope I saw in our love.
Because..how can I love someone when..I don't even love myself?
I've thought of ending my life ever since I was 13 years old...but I am to much of a coward to pick up a knife or pull a trigger.
I just wish I could...find someone who could understand me..and accepet all of my faults.
I've never been able to be myself with hardly anyone.
Only a few of my friends know the real me...that hides behind the mask i've built over the years.
I sometimes wonder why I haven't tried self harm...guess i'm afraid of what others would say if they saw.
I just wish I could be happy and loved...just for once..be truely happy and loved by someone.
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Shini's Thoughts of the Day!! ^__^
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