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October 27th, 2008-Life Sucks Right Now |
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Mood Rating: I've been crying the past few days and I'm ready to at any moment.
I may or may not have mentioned a while back that my Grandpa discovered that he had lung cancer.
For the past few months, he's been doing everything he can to fight it. For one he's very positive, which I believe helps fight the cancer, and he was eating the right cancer fighters and doing the proper chemotherapy and radiation.
The chemo stopped in about...June or July, and Grandpa was still a bit weak but was doing very well. Recently the doctor decided to do some more chemo for him, just to finish off the tumor.
He had his last chemo session last week I think. It left him incredibly weaker than last time's had. He was taking the proper precautions, but realized a few days ago that he had an infection.
On Saturday night, he found he had a 101.8 fever. My aunt Diane, who is a nurse, suggested we take him to the emergency room. I thank God she was there at least to say that.
We took him to the emergency room, where he was given oxygen and diagnosed. He seemed pretty well and everything, talking and joking with the nurses and doctors, and with us. We stayed there for about seven hours, until finally the doctor told us that he had pneumonia. Grandpa had thought it had been bronchial but it was more than that.
So they wanted to keep him overnight. We visited the next day, where he was doing some oxygen mask thing. But then the nurses and doctors came in and did not like where his heart rate and breathing rates were. They took him to an ICU to take some tests.
Down on that floor we saw him, and he now had a full on oxygen mask over his face and couldn't really talk. Mom took me home along with my great aunt Peggy and great uncle Albert (Grandpa's brother and sister).
Later on I discovered my uncles were coming down to visit him in the hospital. My uncle Larry is Mormon and wanted to do a sort of gathered prayer for him. When we saw Grandpa, he was sedated, and a tube had been put down his throat to keep his lungs moving for him.
It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to see.
My uncle said the prayer, and we all held hands in a circle around him, my mom and uncle at the ends with their hands on Grandpa's shoulders. I could hear Grandma crying next to me and it made me think about how she must feel. The man she's loved since she was sixteen is now in such a terrible state...I can't imagine that pain.
We left a little while later, where at my Grandma's house, my uncle and aunt wanted to discuss the will situation (for the just-in-case purposes...overall everyone's trying to keep as positive as they can). I had to leave after that...I couldn't take it anymore, and hearing all of what they were discussing was hurting me even more.
I tried getting my mind off things by playing a bit of video games, which did help, but once I stopped my mind went right back to all the sorrow. Gregory stayed over to be with me, and thankfully he responds well when I'm really emotional.
This morning I decided I was going to skip school (even though my attendance in fencing is SO crappy right now, but I don't care because I can do makeups), so I could hang out with the family. Uncle Dooley arrived by himself, and we went to the hospital again a few hours ago.
We discovered from the doctors that he has septic shock (which is very very serious), which I'm not entirely sure what that is but I know it's bad. They're going to give him a feeding tube and keep monitoring him. He's on morphine for the pain, and still unconscious.
I didn't want to go into the room to see him but I did anyway, at least for his sake. Someone had put the TV on to his favorite news station (which he watches at home all the time), which I think is good for him, hopefully. He'd looked almost the same as last night, but they'd taken the blankets off of him to cool down the fever. I touched his leg...he felt very cold. I could hardly bring myself to say anything in the room, and had barely managed to last night.
I came back with them and decided I wanted to go home to get away from it all...if I see my family members crying then I'm going to cry as well, and it's depressing enough to cry on my own...I don't want to see others sad.
Right now we're working on flying my aunt out here, along with my great aunt and great-grandma. No one's told Great-grandma about the cancer issue yet...and I hope she can handle it.
My Grandpa is the strongest person I know, and I believe he can pull through this. He's a fighter, as the doctors keep saying, and I'm sure he's got spiritual help as well. We're all saying prayers for him and keeping positive thoughts for him too.
It felt odd being in the room and being the only grandchild there. My Grandparents have 17 grandchildren, and I feel like I'm the only one who got to see most of this. I even went to chemo sessions with my Grandpa to keep him and Grandma company. I feel like I'm one of the closest people to him. He's a person I've seen almost every day of my life for nineteen years, and I even lived in his house for four years of my life when my mom was trying to figure out what to do with us. All my other cousins live miles away, and my brother doesn't make an effort to go visit them down the block once in a while. I feel like I'm the only one Grandpa can talk to on a spiritual level, and I at least listen to him (other people ignore or argue with him). I guess it helps that I live two blocks away.
I'm keeping my thoughts positive, and everyone around me is as well. This whole issue in my life will most likely keep me away from Gaia for a while, and I'm not so sure I'm up to doing anything anymore on Halloween (which was going to suck anyway because my costume isn't done and I have no one to trick or treat with). Mom has no will to do my outfit or anything, and I can't blame her.
To my friends on Gaia, please keep positive thoughts as well, and keep hope too. I know my Grandpa can pull through this, but it is a scary time for all of us.
Taylor_Calastadd · Mon Oct 27, 2008 @ 08:09pm · 2 Comments |
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