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Song: Dangerously In Love- Destiny's Child
Me and Shaquille are official together. But I am in a love triangle because Shaquille still goes out with his girlfriend, Da'Shanna. I do feel really bad for going out with him anyway. But everytime I get on his case for going out with the both of us he just says that he's working on it, or he's going to handle it. I do love him but I'm not going to share him forever. He doesn't even talk to Da'Shanna like that because he's always on the phone with me and I know that for a fact because we wake up togeher, we take our showers at the same time, he goes to basketball practice, then we end up falling asleep on the phone with each other. There's no time for her. I don't mean to be mean or anythin but I know he doesn't still talk to her and he told me that he doesn't want to be with her anymore. But he told me that when he tried to break up with her and she said no. I don't believe him because I was on three-way with him and her the o0ther day and she said "I've been thinking about us breaking up, but I don't want to." So I'm thinking he asked her if she wanted to break up and he said no. That's how I think it really went down. But I want to trust him. Oh well. I already told him I'm not sharing him on my birthday so he has until the day before to break up with her or I leave him. I don't know if that's mean but I don't really care.

Song: Fallen- J. Holiday
Tay claims he is still so madly in love with me. In fact he came to see me over the Christmas break. And I cheated on Shaquille with him. I let Tay finger me and he kissed me. But I didn't kiss him back. I told Shaquille about it the same day and he's fine with it. But Tay is like so serious. He tells me almost everyday that he misses me and he's been thinking about me and that he's sorry for what he did with Chasady. He tells me that I'm beautiful. But when we were at Kadijah's house, we were in the kitchen and I heard Kadijah on the phone with somebody talking about "Yea she's a hoe I mean how you gon go with him then be all up in there messing around with his cousin?" Now Shaquille and Tay arenot cousins she is just exagerrating. They're not even friends. But whatever. So I started crying to Tay about how I'm a hoe and everything because I couldn't believe I was in here doing this with him and I went with Shaquille and all my other stuff from the past and he wiped my tears.. I still don't trust him though.

Song: Ego- Beyonce
For some reason I just don't feel close to Imani anymore. Maybe it's because we're on break and I hardly get to talk to her because we aren't at school. But I'm always talking to Shaquille. She doesn't even stay talking to Josh like that but I mean we just don't talk like that. And I'm starting to hate texting my life story. It gets to be too much. So I'd rather just tell her on the phone, but if she can be on the phone then she's talking to Josh. And I can't tell her at school because all the boys be in our business and then at lunch all the little females that sit with us don't need to know my business either. So I don't even really tell her about the important things anymore because there's never any time. Unless I'm not doing something then I'll text her. But like right now Alexis, Tay and Imani are texting me, but I'm not picking up my phone because I'm writing in my journal. I'm mean right?

Song: Grind On Me- Pretty Ricky
I talked to Omar and New Years Day. He wasn't the first person like he was last year but at least I did talk to him. He asked me for his Christmas present again. He was drunk and we were talking a lot. I don't know if half of the stuff he said was true or if he was just drunk and he didn't know what he was saying. But he said he still loved me, and that he thought about me a lot, and that when I turn 17 we were going to get married. At first he had said 18 but then he changed his mind and he said 17. He told me that if I had a boyfriend and I was feeling my boyfriend how I was feeling him then he wouldn't come between us because he know that was some strong love. But he said if my boyfriend starts slipping then he's going to be there. He made me laugh and I was smiling so hard when I talked to him. He said he was smiling too but I couldn't tell. He says he wants to see me before he leaves on Sunday... It's Friday now.

Song: No Air- Jordan Sparks & Chris Brown
I got to see Joan this week. She came last Sunday and she left on Wednesday. But me and my Daddy were really happy. I bought her a Betty Boop jacket and she loved it so much she only took it off to go to sleep. I'm serious. She wore it from the time she got it to when she went to sleep the first day. Then the next day she wore it from the time she got out of the shower to the time she went to sleep. But I love her so much because she gave me two things I really wanted. She bought me a bluetooth for my phone and she took me to see Shaquille on Tuesday. Shaquille lives a good 45 minute drive away from me but she took me to see him anyway and I love her so much for that. Then on top of that when we got there me and Shaquille basically spent the whole time in his room hugged up and kissing on each other. Like she sat in the living and watched TV the whole time. I felt bad when we left but I'm so happy I got to spend time with my baby and she didn't seem mad. She was cool about it. And she said she was glad I had fun. Even thought me and Shaquille didn't do anything but kiss.

Song: Moving Mountains- Usher
My mother is not here. I don't know where she is. I don't really care where she is. I really don't care period. All I want her for is her money basically. I need her to buy me stuff. That's it. I need food and clothes. I don't really care what else she does with her money as long as I get what I need. But damn lately it's like Bar, Bar, Bar, Lunch Break, Bar, Bar. Like she hardly ever buys food anymore. And then when she does but food it's stuff that I don't like. Or stuff that goes with something else that I can't cook. Like we have spaghetti noodles, and garlic bread. But I can't find any spaghetti sauce so i've just been eating the garlic bread... I'm getting tired of spaghetti anyways. And I swear I wish they would just kill all the people who make hotdogs for a living because I HATE hotdogs. For one my mom makes them like we have a never ending supply of them and for two they're just nasty. And I've been trying to get close to her but it's like she doesn't have anything good to say about anyone but her friends. She can't be nice about my friends or my family or anything.

Song: Emotion- Destiny's Child ((X3))
Lately I haven't been feeling really good. I've been looking back and Kadijah like really messsed up my life. It all started a week before seventh grade year. That day I lost my virginity. That day that I didn't say no to Scooter. So Scooter was my first and he thought I was a hoe because I didn't even know him. I still don't know him. I don't know his real name or anything. Then Omar. I let Omar in on the first day. The first day I saw him. And even though we did end up together and we only did it one more time after that. It was wierd because it was like the very first time I saw him, then the last time I saw him while we were together. Then there was those guys that raped me. DJ, Brion, Ques, Jarrell. Then there was Saquan, who I met on Bebo, through Kadijah. I let him come to me house during the spring time and we were cutty buddies for a while. After Saquan... Look that's how much of a hoe I am I can't even remember. I had to go look it up in my phone. I have a list.Corey. Corey walked me home on one of the last couple of days of school and we ended up ********... It was a one time thing and I barely see him anymore and I don't even have his number. After Corey I had Antwan. I met Antwan at the mall with Kadijah. His brother BJ came out of no where and asked me if she gave head. They exchanged numbers and we both went to thier house one day. BJ got some head from Kadijah and I ******** Antwan. Me and Antwan were cutty buddies for a while... Mostly through the summer. Dakeem.... Oh Dakeem. He was my best friend. He was Omar's bestfriend. One day his mom was gone and his siter was feeling sick so she was in her room, watching TV. The music was up so loud you could hear it outside his house. He was curious. He wanted to know what it felt like, but I was teasing him too. I was telling him how I stayed wet and couldn't no ***** make me c**. And he looked at me like "Please Des. You haven't tried this yet" And we were eating sunflower seeds too. I don'e even remember how exactly it happened but I know my pants ended up off and I was bent over the computer chair. Then I was bent over the bed. It was great it really was. But I felt so horrible because Omar was Dakeem's best friend. And on top on that I was wearing Omar's shirt. It wasn't really Omar's shirt but it's the shirt I was wearing when me and Omar first had sex so it was special. Well after that there was DJ. He's Scooter's cousin. It was a one time thing...