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||Where || The || Vultures || Circle ||


The survivor and the soldier walked next together. Once again, neither spoke. What was there to talk about, the world that both men lived had fallen to a group of bomb using yahoos. As the two walked, the soldier aimed at high windows. There was a possibility that the two would be shot dead. Although walking in an urban area may be safer than walking in an open field, there was still the element of elevation. The next problem was the next area the two were moving through was the toughest part of any urban operations, the center of down town.

The two walked the streets, keeping their heads lowered. They moved slowly, inching is the more appropriate word. "Keep your eyes peeled," The soldier said to the survivor at the corner that belonged to the city streets. As they waited, the survivor eyed the soldier's handgun holstered in his leg holster strapped to his right thigh. The soldier looked back at the survivor, “Have you ever fired a gun before?" The survivor shook his head. The soldier looked down the street and back, “Well, it's time you learn." The soldier removed his handgun and handed it to the survivor. "Careful when you aim. It's just like in the movies; you aim, you shoot." The survivor nodded as he looked at the new handgun he had gained. He felt powerful and unstoppable. Now, he, the survivor who was helpless, would be helping the in the newest combat. Even though, he probably didn't have a good shot. The soldier removed his leg holster and handed it to the survivor. The survivor put the leg strap on his leg and tightens it. Inside the leg holster was two more magazines.

"On my mark," The soldier looked down the street once again. He glanced back at the survivor once again and then snapped, "Go!" Both men ran quickly. The soldier ran in front of the survivor. He led the survivor between cars and small units of rubble. When, the soldier was tired he stopped behind a car and aimed down the street. The survivor managed to keep up with the soldier. The survivor stopped next to the soldier, putting his back against the car. "Keep your sights down the street." The soldier pointed down the street and up the street. "Anyone you see, you point 'em out. I'll take care of the rest." The survivor nodded, he needed to do as he ordered.

The survivor looked back to where the two had just come from. He saw units of cars and piles of rubble. He watched everything in its stillness, only small debris moving in the streets. The survivor loved to the bumper of the car and looked ahead. He almost saw the same thing. Just lines of cars, piles of debris, and a small fire. There was small fire on the streets and small flames on a pile of rubble. The survivor looked carefully, scanning the streets slowly with his eyes.

As the survivor looked down the street, the soldier looked in the city window. He watched every window. Every window looked like it was containing hostiles with a gun aiming at the two. The soldier looked at a window, on the second floor of a long building possible office, and a piece of the ceiling cracked and let out small mist of rubble. The soldier attacked quickly and aimed his M16 and pulled the trigger twice, rapidly. Two burst shot went off letting six rounds out of the chamber and two loud gun shots along with it. Two rounds went into the wall that held the window, three rounds broke the window's glass, and the last round made more rubble drifted down. The survivor cringed at the sudden burst shots. A small, yet loud ring rung in his ears. The survivor fingered his ear as he continued to scan the street.

"Alright, we need to move," said the soldier. He slowly moved from his spot. The soldier kept his head low, he gave his position away because he had an itchy finger and paranoia was kicking in. Not only was he moving through a high threat area, but he was moving through with an almost unarmed civilian. The two moved slowly. They reached the end of a street corner, where another street ran through. The soldier scanned the street. Abandon cars, small piles of rubble, and tall office buildings. "Alright, let's move." The soldier walked moved slowly, keeping his knees close to his chest.

Just then, a few yards away from the two, a biker came out of an alley-way. The biker wore a black hoodie, covering his head and a small backpack on. The biker took off quickly almost throwing up dirt as it took off. "Hey, stop!" The soldier yelled as he got up quickly. The soldier sprinted quickly, moving over piles of rubble and sliding across a car hood. The biker kept great speed and the soldier was loosing the biker. Once again the soldier yelled out, "I told you to stop!" But still the biker was moving quickly.

The soldier aimed his rifle and squeezed off six rounds. Two rounds hit the back of the bike, one round missed, two rounds hit the biker in the back, and the final round hit the back of the biker's head. The biker wobbled for a few yards until hitting the concrete. The soldier moved forward, keeping a safe distance. As the soldier moved he kept his gun lowered. He kept a distance for any explosives.
When he got to the dead biker he moved the body to see a face, slightly pale with rolled back eyes. In the distance, the survivor stood from his cover; he was hidden behind a red, abandon sedan. When, the survivor got closer he saw the dead body. This was the first time the survivor saw a dead body, outside of a movie. He was comfortable to get closer to it, but wasn't sure about getting too close to it. "What happen?" The survivor asked the soldier, calmly keeping attention on the body.

The soldier dodged the question with his own question, "What happened to you?" The survivor looked up at the soldier. "I hid, you ran off faster than me, so when I heard the shots, I took cover." The survivor looked at the dead body, “Is--is he dead?" The soldier looked at the survivor and nodded solemnly. The soldier picked up the backpack. The backpack was black with a singular pock that was zipped, made primarily for text books. The soldier put the backpack on a car hood and examined the items that it contained. Inside were three pairs of clothes. One green t-shirt, one red t-shirt, one black t-shirt, three pairs of dark blue jeans, three pairs of male boxers, and a box full of individual bullets.

"Why did you shoot him?" The survivor asked, examining the dead body. The dead biker was young with blond hair covering his left eye. "He wouldn't stop." The soldier said removing the box of bullets. He threw the backpack on the street, "Check him for a gun." The survivor patted the dead body, feeling for a gun. "Well maybe he didn't hear you because he had his music blasting." The survivor removed two white head phones from the biker's ears. Loud music buzzed in the two headphones.

"Well-" The soldier slowly, but was cut off by the survivor. "Got it. A loaded revolver." The survivor tossed the revolver to the soldier. "Well-" The soldier began again, but was cut off again by the survivor. "And a combat knife." The survivor held the combat knife up. The soldier looked at the knife, "You just earned yourself a combat knife." The survivor nodded and but the blade into his back pocket. The survivor stood tall next to the soldier. The two looked down the street. Once again, silence stood between the two. But the silence was broken when the soldier spoke, "We need to move, they could have heard our shots." The two started walking and the survivor wanted to ask who could have found them, but was better not to ask.

Just then in the distance, a sniper scope was being scoped. It focused on a torso, the soldier's torso. The sniper breathed slowly, eying the soldier as he walked. In his abandon building, only one thing was heard, his slow breathing. The sniper remained quiet until he spoke, "Control it's Romeo Niner Juliet Two. I've spotted some hostiles." The radio remained quiet as did the sniper. A moment of silence was pasted until the radio buzzed, "Eliminate all hostiles."









User Comments: [1] [add]
N l N 4
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Tue Feb 10, 2009 @ 01:23am
1. Please. PLEASE. Pleeeeeease. Watch your grammar. I found several mistakes in subject/verb agreement, comma placement, and spelling. For example, in the last paragraph, did you mean "hostel" or "hostile?"

2. I know you tend to write like you're seeing the action in your head. You see it, experience it, and then write it down. You tend to write about their actions, step by step by step by step and then it gets very monotonous. Yet if you want to be able to write so others can read and enjoy your stories, add some more descriptive details. Use all of your senses and add a few details of your characters' thoughts. Understand that although you may know what you're talking about, your reader might not have a clue about what you are thinking. They're not mind-readers, keep that in mind.

3. Always! Always have a beta-reader for you to catch grammar mistakes and give you advice on your story.

4. Revise! Read your story through and see if you can catch mistakes yourself and try to fix them. If you have ideas when you're revising, maybe you can add them in.

5. The storyline itself...Well, you can look at it two ways. It was moving pretty slow in the beginning, but then in the end, it seemed like you were rushing just to get your ideas down. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither are great stories. Take some time to add more personality to your characters and more details in between towards the storyline.


User Comments: [1] [add]
 
 
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