The school year hasn't even finished and already everything has changed. I feel forgotten by most of my friends. They talk to me, but it feels as though they are looking right through me. It feels like they don't even see me. My friend, Ritsuka, has stopped talking for the same reason. She feels as though know one listens to her and doesn't realize she's even there. Everytime she talks, no one listens. When Rituka's not talking, everyone complains that she doesn't talk anymore. I feel so bad for her.
What really gets me the most is the fact my best friend isn't talking to me anymore. We suddenly stopped talking during the christmas break, and she brought it back up when we got back to school. Many times I tried talking to her, but she would pretty much just shoot down all the conversations down. So I stopped trying to make conversations with her. One day, she called me asking "did you call me earlier?" It was weird that she asked that because I never did. I told her no, but she kept asking "are you sure?" I finally told her "no, i didn't call you." After that, she started getting mad at me, saying that I never tried to talk to her or anything, and that she did but I wouldn't listen to her. Pretty much, she was putting all the blame on me. It really got to me, so I argued with her, telling her that I did try to talk to her and that she really didn't try. This went on for a few minutes, and she then told me "I've tried to be your friend again, but now I'm tired of trying." That was a stab in the heart to me. I felt tears coming through my eyes as I told her "I am too." After that talk, we stopped talking to eachother.
It was my birthday when we finally talked again. My parents wanted me to invite her even though we weren't talking anymore, and I had a feeling that she wouldn't come at all. She proved me wrong. When she called me, the first thing she asked was "do you still want me to come to your party?" It felt as though those words went straight to my heart because my heart was hurting when she said them. I told her she was still invited, and she sounded really happy. What made me really happy was that she apologized for everything. She was having a hard time at home and with other things, so she pretty much took it out on me and suprisingly, on other friends as well. I forgave her, but I guess I didn't fully. Even at the party, I rarely talked to her. It was obvious that she changed....
After the party, we went back to our old ways. We didn't talk to eachother and rarely saw eachother again. Everytime we spotted eachother, we would give a smile as we passed by. Though when I see her smile, I remember the good time we had. How we would hang out almost everyday, talk about our problems, our crushes, and how we were unseperatable.... If only it stayed that way.... What is stopping me from talking to her again is all the bad things. I didn't realize this until much later, and I wish I realized it sooner. She treated me like a toy. I was her favorite for a certain amount of time, and when she was tired of me, she would toss me away. She treated a lot of people that way, and some were even my friends. Sadly, I just stood there and watch. Not doing a thing. Even now I still regret it. I wish I did something, but I didn't. Gladly, those friends are still my friends now, and forgive me. Sadly, I still don't forgive my once best friend for treating me and my friends that way. The way she talked to me on the phone that day, the way she yelled at me and made me think everything was my fault, it left a big cut in my heart. Everytime I see her, the cut just gets bigger. Though I have to admit. Some of it was my fault.
If you are reading this right now, I hope you know who you are. Even though you apologized that day, I still can't seem to forgive you. I'm sorry. I hope you live a good life without me because I'm praying the best for you. You were the greatest friend I ever had, and the memories we shared will always remain in my heart.
