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Funny Sayings
- Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
- Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
- Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
- How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
- Join the Army. Meet interesting people. Then kill them.
- Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
- For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
- Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
- If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
- Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
- Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
- I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
- I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
- Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
- When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
- Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
- If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
- The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
- When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
- Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
- Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
- I love defenceless animals, especially in a good gravy.
- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
- I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
- I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

Fun Facts
- The huamn heart pumps enough pressure to squirt 30 feet of blood.
- Banging your head against the wall for an hour burns 150 calories.
- An average of the people fear spiders more than they fear death.
- It has been estimated that more bullets were fired during this year's New Year's celebrations in Texas than were fired during the whole Gulf War.
- In Switzerland, it is illegal to mow your front lawn while you're dressed as Elvis.
- Riding a plane is safer then riding a car or a mule.
- Amreicans eat 18 acres of pizza every day...
- You are most likely to be killed by a champagne cork than poisonous snake.
- In egyt, priests used to pluck every hair out of trie boadt including the eyebrow.
- Eric Clapton owns one fifth of the planet Mars.
- Restaurants serving ice cream on a piece of cherry pie in Kansas are breaking the law.
- In 1990, John Elfreth Watkins Jr. predicted that by 2001, the letters C, X, and Q would be dropped from the alphabet.
- The King of Denmark cuts his own hair.
- Currently, the Pope is the World's Scrabble Champion in the Over-70's catagory.
- In Afghanistan it is illegal to play anything composed by Chopin on a banjo.
- David Hasselhof (from BayWatch)'s great uncle was Karl Hasselhof, the inventor of
inflatable sheep.
- On Christmas Eve in Belgium, it is legal for children to throw bananas at police cars.
- Albert Einstein did really badly in school.