View User's Journal

Pre-Bloom/ Lost Daisy
First Bloom/ Frozen Tulip
Second Bloom/ Broken Lily
Third Bloom/ Rotten Carnation
Final Bloom/ Abandoned Rose

First Bloom/ Frozen Tulip

“Let the evilness come” I said audibly even though I thought I said it in my head. Today is the first day of school and it’s a good thing but it’s also a terrible, terrible curse laid upon me. There are monsters who are waiting for me. I ride the city bus to school because my mom doesn’t want to get up early and the school bus doesn’t reach my house. The person sitting next to me turned his head and stared at me silently, he coughed a bit and said,
“Is there a problem?” I glared at him and looked down at his feet.
“Yeah, those are girl shoes.” He frowned a bit and then nodded to acknowledge this fact.
“You’re too young to understand. What evilness is coming?” he asked.
“Demons from Korea, Mexico, and Germany.” I answered shortly and sweetly.
“What about Africa?” he asked sarcastically. I became very displeased with his remark and shot at him,
“If you were black that demon would be you.”
“Oh, I get it. Your demons are actually your friends, right?”
“How did you know?!” I asked, maybe too excitedly because he laughed.
“I can tell you like me a whole lot and figured if I was a demon your other demons must be people close to you.” I sighed a got up from my seat.
“Before you get the wrong idea I’ll set you straight. I don’t like you. You’re annoying and bother people who want to be left alone. My friends hug me too much when I hate being touched. They haven’t seen me for months so I already know I’m going to be hugged 2 months worth at the least. That is the evilness, and also my problem. I’ve answered both of your questions now don’t talk to me.” I walked to the front of the bus and sat in the nearest open seat to the door. I regretted it immediately when I realized that the unidentified stranger was following me and the way everyone is positioned around me I wouldn’t be able to walk away again.
“Why are you upset? The first day of school is a good thing” he sat down and put his arm around me.
“Go die.” I pushed his arm away and suddenly wished I had a knife.
“I go to the same school as you, you know.” my stomach flipped and I felt like I might puke.
“You liar.” I said blankly.
“I’m a senior, you?” he chuckled and smiled “I understand if you don‘t want to answer. A little girl like you would see me as the big bad wolf.” his joke made me smile too.
“Sophomore. I’m not little by the way. I’m 5‘9.” I pointed out, “May I see your schedule?” he eyed me suspiciously and reluctantly pulled out his schedule. I pulled my own out as well and scanned them.
“Oh.” I looked at him and smiled brightly, “We have a study hall together.”
“Don’t kill me, okay?” he laughed
“I promise, lets be rivals from now on, Lucas.” he almost laughed again and then stopped himself.
“Don’t you mean ‘friends’?” I waved my hand at him as if pushing away his correction.
“Don’t be stupid. I don’t like you but you’re interesting. Being rivals will keep you around, and aren’t you going to ask me how I know your name?”
“You saw it on my schedule didn’t you, Kohmi?”
“You saw mine too.” I smiled and so did he.

We sat in comfortable silence for most of the rest of bus ride. Except for the occasional joke and fluffy conversation. When we arrived at our stop I froze with fear.
“Kohmi? Are you okay?” He held out his hand to help me. I pushed it away and got up myself.
“I forgot about the demons.” I said resentfully.
“Good luck.” He winked at me and vanished in the crowd. I soon forgot his absence when I was attacked by three very lonely demons. After a while I was freed to walk to my locker. I smiled to myself. Friends like them are really the best. Never a dull moment. I quickly visited my locker and began walking towards my 1st period. I bumped into someone while drifting into space. I managed to step on their foot, hit their face with my backpack, and push them into ground. I naturally fell to my knees and helped them pick up their things.
“Watch out. You nearly killed me.” a surprisingly deep voice escaped the girl in front of me. I lifted my head and saw, rather than a girl, a short guy. Not only that, this was a short guy I knew.
“Matt?!” I said in disbelief.
“My god, Kohmi. How did you manage so much damage in less than 5 seconds?” He asked, with an annoyed tone.
“Haha,” I said nervously, “Practice?” he was amused by this and laughed, all was forgiven in that instant.
“Seriously though, I’ve never met a girl whose height matched their clumsiness.”
“What? I’m not short so you know.”
“You’re really clumsy. And really tall. They match.”
“I’m trying to tell you. They’d only match if I were short.”
“You’re stupid. See you later” Matt got up and wiped his knees. He started walking away and my heart stung. I don’t want him to walk away from me. I never want to see his back.
“Matt!” I called for him desperately. He stopped for a second revealing that he heard me, but he kept walking. I froze. What did I do to be ignored? I sighed a bit and right before the tears started slipping out-
“Kohmi!” Lucas came up from a nearby class room. “What’re you doing? The bell is about to ring.”
I nodded and started walking away. I’m sorry. If I talk right now I know that I’ll start crying- I directed my thoughts at Lucas as I walked, hoping he would read it and forgive me for not saying a word.

It was the worst 1st period ever. 2nd period was okay. 3rd period was pretty successful in cheering me up. And finally, before lunch, my 4th period with Lucas. I will apologize to him, and we’ll write out our rival contract. I entered the classroom with a big stupid grin on my face. The second Lucas saw me he began laughing wildly. I joined him in laughing sarcastically and it shut him up. “What was wrong this morning? Did your friends hug you that much?” Lucas asked.
“Nah. This jerk almost made me cry.” I answered casually.
“Your boyfriend?”
“Haa… No.” I tried not to, but my uncomfortable feelings on the subject showed on my face, he stared at me.
“You don’t like talking about your problems out loud do you?” he asked.
“Not really” I said
“Well, then lets get on those computers and open a chat between us” he suggested.
“Sure.” I moved to the computer station in the corner of the giant study hall room.

[Open Chat] > [Connect to-] > [Lucas & Kohmi= Children]
Kohmi: What the hell is with the title?
Lucas: I wanted to cheer you up
Kohmi: lol. You succeeded I guess.
Lucas: So. Who was the guy who managed to make Miss Toughie sad?
Kohmi: I’m not tough. I’m just rude. (-.-) He is the guy I’ve liked since 7th grade.
Lucas: Ask him out.
Kohmi: No way. I’m not brave enough for that.
Lucas: Does he even know you like him?
Kohmi: Of course. I’ve confessed to him dozens of times since we first met.
Lucas: …
Kohmi: What?
Lucas: You’re so stupid. Just give up. He’s obviously not interested.
Kohmi: Probably.
Lucas: Then why the hell are you talking him?
Kohmi: He said he loved me before. But he took back. And even added later on that he just wanted to hurt me back then. And never had any real feelings. But he’s apologized and now we’re friends.
Lucas: He’s the worst. You shouldn’t even be talking to him. Hate doesn’t just vanish. I bet he is still stringing you along trying to hurt you. It’s like you’re in an abusive relationship.
Kohmi: I did give up once. We got in a big complicated mess and didn’t talk for a whole year almost. But when we started talking again I fell in love right away.
Lucas: So it has been established that you’re stupid.
Kohmi: Haha Well that‘s the situation with the jerk who made me cry. (^.^) and I guess I’m a little bit stubborn
Lucas: Stupid is different from stubborn.
Kohmi: You sure make me feel dumb (@.@)
Lucas: And rightly so. I’m going to go now. I have lots of Teacher Assistant work to do. Lets continue this tomorrow, or on the bus if you prefer.
Kohmi: See ya.
[Close Chat]

I sighed and shut down the computer. After watching Lucas pack his things and leave the classroom I decided that I should mentally prepare for lunch. It was only three demons his morning but during lunch there will be at least 10 demons waiting for me. I sighed out loud. I hope… I can see Matt during lunch. I drew random sketches of maids doing neko cosplay until the bell rang. I hurriedly headed to my locker and then to the designated meeting area (for my social circle). While I was walking I felt a slight vibration and as it became stronger I realized it was my cell phone. I took it out and flipped it open.

[New Message] > [Sender: Matthew] >
[What’s up? Want to join me for lunch? (; ]

Actually I don’t feel like even seeing your face right now, I thought to Matt.
[Reply] >
[The sky. And not really. I’m too special for only your entertainment (>.< wink ]
[Send]

I closed my phone and faced the hell in front of me. An army of girls charged towards me screaming “Kohmi! Kohmi!!”. Lunch was fun and everyone’s tales of summer were exciting. I wish everyday could be like this. My friends might really be my only escape from reality. Half way through lunch I made my way out of the chaos to find a good place to sleep. I barely slept last night. As I approached my super secret napping hide out I noticed something odd. There was someone already there. I pulled out a heavy text book and when I arrived I dropped it on sleeping beauty’s stomach. He sprung up and yelped in pain. Matt looked up, saw it was me, and sighed. “Didn’t Papa teach you better than that?”
“Papa?” I asked, “Who?”
“Me” he said.
“I don’t know about that. Is Papa interested in incest?”
He laughed loudly “Ha.”
“Thanks. But flattering doesn’t make the sex free.” I told him sternly
“You’re a really big pervert.”
I nodded in agreement, “You like it though, don’t you?”
“Sure. I like those things about you, Kohmi.” He smiled and slowly got on his feet, “You really messed up my stomach you know.”
I laughed. How could I be angry at someone like him? How could I give up on my love for this person? Something must be wrong with the way I explained things for Lucas to hate him already. I know! I haven’t explained how much we get along and how happy he makes me. A corny grin sneaked onto my lips.
“Gross” Matt said.
“What’s gross?” I asked
“That face you’re making. It looks really scary.” He pointed at my face directly
“That’s because I’m an alien here to steal your brain” I pushed down his hand.
“I wouldn’t put it past you. You always were a strange one”
“Is that bad?” I pouted a bit.
“Nah. I love that about you. It makes you more exciting to keep around” my heart started beating really fast. He said ‘love’ to me. I’m so happy. Matt always makes me so happy.
“Um. Matt-”
The bell rang before I could finish my sentence and Matt walked away without letting me continue.
What are you doing after school? -I finished the sentence to myself.
I would feel weird sending him a text like that. He probably doesn’t want me around anyways

The next 3 periods flew by and when the final bell rang I rushed to the bus stop. School ends at 3:03 and the bus comes at 3:10. I don’t have much time and if I miss this one I’m stuck here until 4:00.
Fast walking as normally as possible, I made my way to the bus stop. Lucas spotted me quickly and ran over. “You still crying over that loser?” he asked.
“Matt isn’t a loser! He’s God’s gift to me to make up for everything else.” I said
“Oh? You believe in God? I thought you were smarter than that. Anyways would a God really give you something that only hurts you?” I was silent. I didn’t know how to oppose “Nothing?” he asked.
“Well, it’s true that I don’t believe in God, normally. But reducing my meeting Matt into a mere coincidence is ridiculous.” I stated.
“I don’t know. Maybe you’re the ridiculous one. I bet Matt would agree with me”
“Stop that.”
“Stop what?”
“You don’t know him like I do.”
“From the very little you told me, he sounds terrible. You should pray I don’t meet him” he smiled confidently.
“Hmph!” I turned my head away from Lucas and smiled a bit. What is this stranger so protective about? Don’t tell me my situation with Matt is so terrible strangers would get involved. I could have stood there all day going through the possible reasoning to Lucas’ actions. But the bus pulled up. Lucas and I sat next to each other.
“We’re like siblings aren’t we?” said Lucas.
“How?” I asked
“I become protective over you, we’re so comfortable together already. We even sat so close without a second thought. Look. Our legs are touching.”
“You’re right. We must have been twins separated at birth. We look alike, too. You forgot that one.”
“We do look alike! But, you know, I’m older than you.” we laughed, “So, will you tell me more about your history with Matt now?” I looked at him and his face was fairly serious. No backing out now. I braced myself for difficulty speaking but the words somehow just rushed out.
“I was half way through 7th grade when I met Matt. We became friends and I quickly developed stronger feelings. Maybe he gave me a love potion. Recently he said he hated me back then because I was a terrible person who looked down on others. I didn’t notice his hatred one bit back then, I always blamed myself. I confessed my love often and sometimes he was straight forward in rejecting me and sometimes he played along. He continually made a joke out of my feelings. He always did either the thing that would make me cry, or the thing that would get my hopes way up. He told me he loved someone else and then would have the guts to fake confusion about his feelings and even said he loved me. Always, always, he would be kind and then cruel. He treated me like trash. We were never dating and yet he had such a grip on my being. I soon became so unstable from his drama and family trouble. He never gave a damn about my life, as long as he could get me to cry he achieved something. He’d fake guilt and every other emotion to reel me back in after hurting me senseless. And just repeat that cycle. I would ignore him, and come back. I started overreacting over every little thing every other minute. And eventually things got so messy we completely lost contact for a year almost. He refused to talk to me and I was crazy depressed 24/7. I swear I was in hell that Summer. When I started 9th grade it got easier. And the Summer when 9th grade ended we began talking again. Here we are now. I’m currently trying to be just friends with him but it’s so hard to hold back my feelings.” I looked over at Lucas. The face I saw told me everything he was thinking.
“Should we.. Kill him?” he asked. I laughed at this offer.
“Don’t be silly. We’re on good terms now. He apologized for everything already.”
“You were crying just this morning weren’t you?” He glared out the window.
“Yeah.. But that was my own fault. I’m too sensitive and-”
Lucas interrupted me “It’s exactly the same as before isn’t it?!” he said harshly. His voiced boomed through my head and my heart skipped a beat.
“Matt.. Still is trying to hurt me?”
“Exactly.” Lucas said. I paused. We were silent for a good 5 minutes before the reality hit me like a train.
“He hates me?” My eyes welled up with tears. I began crying rapidly and my face was soaked. My vision became blurred and I couldn’t hear anything. Lucas hugged me and I buried my head in his shirt. I cried for so long.

Before I knew it 20 minutes passed and we were at my stop. He accompanied me off the bus and we sat at the bench until I calmed down.
“I thought it was different.” I said, nearly choking on every other word
“I guess you were wrong to think that.” He said softly
“Lucas, he’s not doing it on purpose.”
“What?”
“I trust him. I cried because even the possibility is so terrible and scary.”
“Do what you want. But if you want my support, what are you really planning? You say you want to try being just friends but those weren’t friendly tears at all.”
“I.. want Matt to love me as much as I loved him this entire time. Experiencing mutual feelings just once would be good enough. After that I don’t care what happens.” I wiped my face and forced a smile.
Lucas caught on and nodded in approval.
“You have to try really hard from now on.” Lucas said, “Go home now, I’ll catch the next bus.”
I smiled widely, “Be careful. Buses are dangerous even in daylight” we waved goodbyes and I began walking home

That night after bathing and dinner I realized that I still haven’t explained Matt’s good side to Lucas. In fact, all I did was emphasize all the wrong he has done. Anyone would react like that hearing a background story only. My feelings of happiness during that time didn’t enter the conversation even once. I may have been miserable on the inside. But even deeper I was happy just having Matt’s attention.

I was happy. I’m happy even now. My tears are just trying to confuse me. During the time I was with Matt, for the very first time, I wished for some else’s happiness and not just my own. I love Matt and I’ll pursue these feelings forever.

Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

More Information