Ok here's the story I wrote...I haven't thought of a title yet but it's still a work in progress ok?
I have a secret. Something that I haven't told anyone. That's why I'm here. I didn't need to tell anyone my secret, but I will tell you anyway. You look like the kind of person I can trust. I can trust you, can't I, Doctor? Well, then I shall tell you my secret...
I was 22 years old. Joshua Evans, the only guy I ever longed for, had finally asked me to be his girl. He and I had just started college and we had been going to school since I can remember, but he had never before spared a passing glance. Today was different. Today was finally my day. My dream come true.
In class that next day, people were pointing to me and whispering to their friends behind their hands and books. I suppose old habits died hard. I hadn't seen behaviour like this since I was in high school. I didn't understand it. I caught a few bits of what they were saying-
"Did you hear?"
"Her and Josh!"
"I know! I didn't believe it at first either!"
"What could he see in her?"
The bell rang and I tried to ignore the whispers as I made my way to my next classroom. A couple of girls glared at me when I walked in and made a beeline for Josh, but I ignored them.
"Hi, Alyssa," he said. I blushed, and my heart melted at this simple greeting. For some reason, I couldn't find my tongue.
"H-hi," I said, blushing even more. I looked down at the floor. I as so scared to make eye contact with him. Now that I think about it, I wonder why. I suppose that maybe I was afraid that if I actually looked at him, he may well disappear. I don't know.
"Are you available to do something tonight? I know a great party that we could go to."
My head snapped in his direction. I looked at him, blushed, and nodded furiously. "Yes. Yes, I'll go with you!"
That night, we went to the party. There was marijuana there, but I didn't smoke any. There was alcohol there, but I didn't drink any. Josh did. I was so excited to be there with him though, so I didn't care that he was drunk. I didn't care that he was sloppy. I didn't care that he wasn't in his right frame of mind. I didn't care when he led me to that room. I didn't care when I woke up the next morning with him. I didn't care. I didn't care-I did care.
Two months later-yes, I am skipping ahead. You looked as though you were beginning to get bored with my tale. No need to deny it, I can see the boredom in your facial expression. Don't worry, I'm not skipping anything important. I promise though, the story does get better...
Pregnant. I pondered this the entire time I drove back to my dorm. I was mortified. Me? Pregnant? But, it was only one night! How would I be able to go to college? How would I be able to ignore the whispers in the hallway? Worse yet, how would I tell Josh?
He came over at 5 o'clock that evening, just like he did almost every night. Once I led him into the dorm room, I made him sit down on my sofa.
"What's wrong?" he asked me. Something about his expression was very strange. It wasn't a concerned look. It was as if he knew what I was going to say-as if daring me to say it. So I did.
"Joshua, do you remember our night?" A strange smile played across his face. I sank down onto the couch next to him and put my hand on his. "Well, I'm-I'm pregnant."
That was the first time. I had never seen him angry with me until that moment. That was the first time he would ever hit me. It's amazing how a jab to the face could make someone hurt bouth inside and out. Then he hit me again and again. He hit me because of the baby. He hit me because I was crying. Then he hit me because I was bleeding. He hit me because he loved me. He kicked me in the stomach. "That's for the little b*****d inside you."
Don't look at me like that, please. Your sympathy is too overwhelming. I'm not telling you this story so you will feel sorry for me. On the contrary, your pity humiliates me. It is more humiliating than even the beatings. Ah, before I continue, I must ask, "Do you believe in love?" I do. Even though he beat me, I don't doubt for a second that he loved me.
Yes, the baby was miscarried. That single kick to the stomach had rid me of that problem. When I told Joshua that I miscarried the baby, I tried my hardest to fight back tears, but it was no use. I explained it to him with tears streaming down my face.
He beat me for that. He hit me because my tears were too much for him to handle. Those small droplets unleashed a beating that was so severe that it landed me in the hospital.
There were questions. Too many questions. I never once told anyone my secret though. I didn't tell the nurses, the doctors, my family, no one. I loved my Joshua too much to tell anyone about the beatings.
I think I shal once again skip ahead. I am skipping, now, to the present time. To the incident that landed me to this hospital again. Right now it is 4 years after my last hospitalization. It is 3 years after Josh and my wedding. It is 2 years after having my son. Our son.
You look disgusted. What could I have done but marry him when he asked me? I know it was disgusting that I married him. I loved him. As stupid as this may sound, I still do.
Anyway, back to my story...
I came home from work and Joshua was laying on the couch, our son Andrew curled up on his chest. They were both sleeping. I smiled at them, wishing that I had a camera. Josh seemed to notice me looking because he opened his eyes. "Hey, Baby," he said sleepily.
I walked over to him and kissed his forehead. "Hi, Honey," I cooed in his ear, just quiet enough to not wake Andrew.
God, I miss my Andy so much. I know it's only been a few days, but it feels like an eternity since I held him and told him I love him. Do you see that picture? That one there of the smiling boy? That's my little Andy. Isn't he precious? He ended up with his daddy's big blue eyes, but he inherited my family's dark hair. He was a good looking little boy wasn't he?
That night, after I had tucked Andy in and kissed him goodnight, I decided to go put the day's leftovers in the fridge. I was covering up the salad bowl with saran wrap when it slipped from my hands and fell to the ground, smashing the bowl into tiny pieces and flinging salad all over the floor.
"What the hell was that?" Joshua yelled at me as he bolted into the room. "You stupid little b***h, you can't do anything right." He sneered at me and suddenly, I was afraid. I wasn't afraid because I was going to be beaten, I was afraid because I saw him pick up the knife I had used to chop up the lettuce for the salad.
He did beat me. But after I was beaten, I was stabbed. He stabbed me one time in the chest. He missed my heart be mere millimeters. I suppose he thought he killed me because he fled from the kitchen. I watched him leave the room, then I lost consciousness.
When I woke up, I was in the hospital surrounded by doctors and nurses. I tried to speak, but no sound came out. This is the last memory I have before I slipped into uconciousness again.
I woke up to see you in this room. It was very unnerving having you observing me, Doctor. I was afreaid that you were going to ask me questions, but when you didn't, I started to.
"Where is my son?" That was the very first question I asked you. When you told me that Joshua had killed him with the same knife that he used on me, I broke into tears. Do you remember that? You should. It was only a couple days ago. Why, Doctor? Why did Joshua kill Andy? How could he have killed his own son?
But you told me. You said he was scared. All these years, I endured his beatings and HE was scared. Isn't it ironic? I don't know why I told you these things today. I suppose that I needed to talk to someone. You do realize, Doctor, that once I am out of this hospital, I will go home and wait for him to get out of prison, right?
I asked you earlier if you believed in love. You told me yes. Well, I love Joshua. I know that he loves me. I realize that you are unhappy with me for needing him in my life. I love him and I always will. Even though he beat me, he still loved me. He already knows that I will wait for him faithfully. He already knows.
Goodbye now, Doctor...
rockinwithrammstein Community Member 
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und ich hab nichts gesagt