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I'M BACK
No one will read this, and quite frankly thats perfect.
I don't give a ********. I gave all my ******** a long time ago.
I'm done, just beyond done. If you're interested, I'm ready to bleed out, if that sounds weird I don't know what it means. You know the funny thing is, I've always been afraid of pain, but I always wanted to bleed.
BLEED
BLEED
BLEED
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
I was always fascinated with blood, especially my own. It flows through me, it's a life force. It can spill everywhere, drown everything in hot, crimson waves. It would look so pretty on some of the walls. But I can't do it. I would never do it cause deep down I love life. NO that might not be true. But I Love my family. I would never leave them.
But it would still look so pretty.
Don't you think?
It's such a bright color.
I love colors, I always loved color. It was a window into a different world for me. Bright colors painted a drab world.
But I am drab. I pretty myself up in colors, but there's nothing behind it.
IT'S WINNING AGAIN!
Maybe that sounds crazy, but I can feel it. The monster is back. It's angry because I laughed at it, told it to go away. TOLD IT THAT I WAS IN CHARGE AND IT WOULD NEVER HURT ME AGAIN.
But now it's back...and it's the one laughing now.
I hate it, I wish it would go away. All release I had is fading.
And I think about that crimson all the time.
Red is such a vibrant beautiful color. Full of life.
But I'm not alive, not really.
Maybe I should give up my red in that case. JUST BLEED.
But I won't, I never will. At least not by my own hand. Or until the last of my strength cracks.
I know I can beat that monster, I know I can beat it back into submission...but I don't.
Maybe I need that ******** monster.
Either way, I'm back to the bleeding. I thought I was free.
Never think you're free, it will only make your pain more pronounced.
I hope you didn't think this was a story.
Such a pretty color...