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I guess it won't hurt putting my missions here.

Mission!
DMC's Food Army.
Well, we have recently defeated some food monsters. I have wondered for a while, how does he create these monsters?
Search around the HQ for clues on how he creates food pokémon/monsters!(Be creative).
You will fight 4 food pokémon/monsters(peanut butter muks, calamari tentacools, etc) and then DMC himself, who is a fire/psychic type
Report back to me on how he creates these monsters to finish.
(Note: You cannot snag DMC or any of the Food pokémon)
Rewards: Varies.
Pokémon: You will be rewarded a SHINEY one of your choice(no legendaries and has to be in beginning evo form) if you do a great mission.
Example: You can't get a shiney Dragonair or Dragonite, but you can get a shiney Dratini.
Money: $1000-$5000

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After I saw the mission on my pokepalm, I heard a rumble from my stomach. I had a feeling I needed to eat something. I quickly took my pokemon Darkscythe, Tsunami, Blubird, Chickory, Sparks, and Pix. I then ran over to the refridgerator for something to eat. BAD MISTAKE.

I opened the door... AND FOUND SALAD DRESSING! It was in the shape of a Bellossom, and it talked to my surprise.

“HEY! I’m dressing here! Close the door!”

Tsunami wasn’t very happy about this, so he just grabbed the Bellossom and started messing with her. The grass type wasn’t to happy, so she just called out the one thing we don’t need.

“Tax collectors!! I NEED HELP!” Uh-oh. This didn’t sound good. I grabbed Tsunami by the tail (which he hated and started to yelp) and threw him at the tax collectors... and missed. By a mile- I mean, the tax collector dodged Tsunami! Yeah! That’s right!

The tax collectors then revealed themselves as Combusken Fried Chicken. Not only would these fighting types WHOOP our butts, THANKS TO TSUNAMI! (who was still yelping for me to “leggo of my tail!”), I couldn’t eat them due to acid reflux, otherwise I would of tore right through them. Oh well...

“STOP! In the name of the law!” They then flexed their muscles and started to battle.

“Go, Blubird and Tsunami!” I had the type differences down. Flying and water PWN fighting and fire. “Now, Surf and dragon dance!”

The Combusken then grew to an abnormal size. The size of HQ. Which will blow from the fighting that will ensue. I guess they were bulking up. HAHAH! GET IT! BULKING UP! Never mind...

Anyway, the surf just completely wiped out the collection of plushies. This might be hard to explain to Sub and Sol. It did however take some HP off of both Combusken that smelled DELICIOUS!

Then, the Combusken did something really out of the ordinary, but when has Combusken Fried Chicken been ordinary? They then threw a bunch of fried chicken at us by ripping out his feathers which grew right back (this keeps on getting weirder and weirder eh?) and did mucho damage to us. But we weren’t finished.

“Tsunami, muddy water! Blubird? Fly.” The water took the Combusken down to the yellow, and they seemed a bit exhausted after that attack of theirs. I guess it was their kind of hyper beam.

“Finish them off!” The next turn surf and fly took both Combusken out, but not before one of the fried food took out a walkie talkie and pressed a button. We noticed an alarm went off...

And Combusken Fried Chicken, Salad Dressing Bellossom (who still were dressing), Milk Milktank, in fact even Jelly Muks were swamping all enterances and hallways. And I couldn’t eat any of them. My stomach rumbled louder, saying that I was starving. I looked for a hallway for which to run to, and found our savior. There was a dark hall full of plushies, soda, and computers.

I ran straight for the hallway, laughing and yelling, “I WILL GET AWAY!” until I crashed into a wall. This seemed to be the... mirage hallway? Man, I hate these things.

We were surrounded by food I couldn’t eat, and my stomach was beginning to make me a bit rabid and kamikaze. I ran to the Muks and noticed I COULD EAT JELLY! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I started eating right through the Muks and the pokemon started closing in on us. But I didn’t worry, because Snagem HQ was already trashed by food and a battle, I found a way to escape, and I CAN EAT JELLY!

I quickly ran down the hall to free us of our fried death. I searched for a door, and found two. One... Sub’s room. Two, a room with a DNA scanner. I went straight for the room for the DNA scanner, and took out a chicken finger that landed in my pocket during the battle. I then ran in, locked the door and made a wall of furniture.

I then proceeded to the DNA scanner with complete calmness.

“HOW THE HECK DO WE TURN THIS THING ON? WE’RE BEING CHASED BY MANIAC POKEMON!”

Pretty calm, eh? I then (calmly) forced the fried Combusken into the DNA scanner, and waited while our immanent doom awaited us. The furniture was holding up... for now.

The scanner started talking. “Combusken DNA. Animate food. Mutant DNA from Combusken and fried delectable.”

I started thinking out loud. “The voice makes me think Sub programmed this...” but I had barely any time. I just figured out the scanner meant something about mutated pokemon.

I had no choice. I had to sneak out. And Tsunami didn’t help. “YAY SPYS!” He then took out a boom box and put on Mission Impossible music. Thanks a lot, Tsunami. But strange as it was... wait, I’ll tell you later.

Anyway, we saw there was a window over the door that we could open and slink through. But Tsunami needed to be in a pokeball, he was too big. So I took out Sparks the Raichu, which turned out to be the right selection. I used a stick to open the window and we slinked out of the room only to find the food literally knocking on our door. We ignored them and watched from above as they used their food powers to blow the door to bits.

But the music... they started to dance. Dance crazy. Sparks then dropped down and started singing.

“C’mon everybody do the HAMPSTER DANCE!”

The music changed to an up tune beat, and the Pokemon started dancing like crazy. It was a dance party. Oh, the irony of food dancing.

Well, the distraction seemed to work (even I felt like boogieing down) so we walked over to Sub’s room to hide. But what happened wasn’t really... what I would call ordinary. But Sub isn’t ordinary anyway.

We strolled in and then we searched the area for a hiding place. Well... having Sparks singing and Tsunami is just clumsy; I guess I’ll take out the pyromaniac Pix. You see where I am going here? I pulled my belt of pokeballs up.

Pix just happens to be in a pyromaniac mood so she let out a few flamethrowers... and at right after the flames an SIV portal and a shadow portal popped up, sucking us in. However I was in the middle, I was sucked both ways. All of a sudden my body got split in two (and I thought physics was crazy enough) and my behind went in the SIV portal while my stomach up went into the shadow portal. Not very fun if you ask me.

Pix was sucked in with my bottom into the SIV portal. Did I mention that Sub’s room was in flames? Let me show you what happened while we were gone in N00B MODE!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Combusken Fried Chicken: WE R L33T>11!1
Grape Jelly Muk: I NOES. LEMON 4 DE SOUL!
Comusken: I SRCHED THE AREA 4 LUESERS! NONE WER FOUND.
Muk: O-NOES! *glomps Combusken* I LUFF YOU!11!13one1
Combusken: I NOES. WE R L33T!

And it goes on and on. Idiots.

Anyway, now we follow my behind to the land of SIV. Pleasant place and a place which I infiltrated at the order of Sub to take out a guy who is so very annoying and loves super powerful robots-

“Ah! What’s this?”

This is him. Malcolm. He is the leader of SIV land, which has voodoo. And exploding Milktank. And Malcom now sees a half of me, and Pix who volunteered a bit of information.

“Its Umby’s bottom. Got ripped in half-“

“WHAT! Really!” He then took a voodoo doll of Pix out and raised it up. At the same time Pix floated up to Malcom. “Thanks!” Then another SIV portal spit out a camera, and he started taking pictures of me. I really think he hates me, huh?

“Work the camera! WORK IT! Yeah, that’s good, now add the beach backdrop... great!” He then took millions of pictures of half of me because an idiot (coughPIXhackcough) just “happened” to know who’s half it was. Happy happy joy joy.

My stomach up plus my pokeballs (thank goodness for me pulling my belt up) were in the Shadow Portal. Unfortunate for us... there were the food monsters. That was annoying. I started yelling, “How did you guys get here! I mean, sheesh! One minute we’re being chased by food and the next minute staring into their faces. SHEESH!”

But there was one that stood out. His hair seemed to be on fire, but there was an invisible force keeping the flame of the inferno straight up. This must be DMC himself. He looked like a cross between a Charizard and a bit of Gardevoir here and there. I guess that’s the psychic and fire pokemon.

“Hello, my friend. Welcome to my lair.” DMC’s voice had a guttural tone in it, making him seem a bit wild. But I guess he was wild. “I’m surprised you made it this far. You didn’t make in one piece, though.” Then the whole area shook with laughter like this guy is Will Smith. And he’s really funny.

I started to challenge DMC. I had to anyway. “Hey comic genius! I bet you can’t beat me in a laugh off!” Who was I kidding. I wasn’t any better at jokes than he is. But I tried anyway. He seemed amused.

“Ok, I accept. If you win your life will be spared and I will let you go. Seem fair enough?” He seemed to be a bit to overconfident. I tried to use it against him.

“I’m sure you can’t make my pokemon laugh, because I know your people will laugh at everything you say.” It seemed to work, he thought he was Will Smith again.

“I see the silver lining in what you’re saying. Sure, but if I win your pokemon will be converted into food monsters and you will be, of course as we already know, exterminated.” Ok, step one, done. I saw DMC point to a trailer floating in the darkness of the dark portal. I “swam” (it really feels like swimming when you have no gravity) over to the trailer, and walked in, letting Tsunami and Sparks as my personal trainers.

Tsunami took the justice of pumping me. “Eye of the tiger, kid. You don’t have the funny, you are the funny. Be the funny. Reach out for the funny bone in everyone.” I was not amused. Tsunami could of course have a life as a comedian, but he sure was a bit annoying- WAIT! Duh, he was a comedian. I had to get him to make jokes for me. It was the only way I was coming out alive and my pokemon wouldn’t be turned into ravenous food monsters. I’m not sure how I would get my other half back anyways.

“Tsunami! You can be the comedian for me! Please, for the sake of you and anything you, JUST DO IT FOR ME! I know you all know I’m not a comedian.” Unfortunately, it was true. Tsunami had the funnies and I just didn’t. I looked at Tsunami, hoping that his conscious that shows up once in a VERY long while would, well, show up. It would take a while. But we didn’t have a while, because someone rapped on the door. Guess who?

DMC. Yes, he was ready, and we weren’t. Say bye bye to life. Say hello to wherever I go after this. Unless Tsunami was ready to do something nice and funny (at this moment he seemed to be thinking about it) which was probably not meant to be. The three of us went out, slow-mo, and looked at DMC as if we were ready. I then stood by him and glared. We had to act tough, or this guy would take advantage of us who were trying to take advantage of him. So... wait. That’s confusing. If he’s- NEVER MIND! Too, much, thinking...

Anyways, an auditorium appeared out of nowhere. The seats were lined with all of my pokemon, not just the ones on this mission. I looked at DMC, and saw a scheming face. This didn’t sound good, but for all I knew he could be thinking how awesome his food monsters are and will be. He started.

“Well, hello everybody!” Silence. “I’m DMC, your entertainer. You see, when you say somebody is crooked, you mean somebody who is evil, scary, and EEDIOT. AM I CROOKED?” He then twisted his body with some sort of psychic power and made him look literally like a crooked line. This guy was good, a bit too good. But only one pokemon was laughing.

“(HAHAHAHAH! THAT’S SO FUNNY! See?)” That was Sneeze, my Sneasel. I guess he didn’t have a good taste in jokes. This might mean the end. I gulped.

So, the lame jokes ensued for the next hour and a half. The only one that was really funny was when he commented on the very weird Folgers commercial. I agreed with my enemy for once. And my pokemon weren’t a very great crowd. I guess they understood a good joke when they heard one, but I think that they were thinking about the consequences of laughing. I don’t blame them. And also the fact I looked stupid being only stomach up.

Anyway, when I got up on stage, I looked out seeing every pokemon I owned sitting in the seats. Although that’s about a measly 15 or so, I got nervous. My life pretty much depended on this. Tsunami saw this. Or maybe he saw that his life was in my hands, which was a very grim thought. I know he thought he was already dead.

But, despite that I took a whack at my crowd. “Hello, I’m Umby. I’m glad to be your comedian tonight.” I smiled, although I think my pokemon could tell that it was fake smile. Their smiles weren’t much better after my first shot at speaking. It turned out a bit hoarse. I tried again on my crowd. “So, what’s up with Team Rocket? I mean, they get a robot, they disguise themselves, they have a very big plan and so on. Then stupid Ash walks right into their trap, which just proves how stupid he is. Can you give me a WHOOPWHOOP!” The whole pack of pokemon started whooping and hollering and all sorts of sounds. It certainly pulled me out of my small depression (double meaning in that).

I went on, each joke making me sink farther into the depression again, until finally someone came and pulled me out. Guess who. I’ll give you a minute....................................................................................................................... you done? Tsunami was who.

Yes, Tsunami made up his mind and covered for me. When I dealt out one joke after another, he ran onto stage saying that he was my “lovely” assistant (what?) and then he told jokes that really made sense.

“So a Combusken walks to a road, and wants to cross it, right? Well, he starts walking. So you know what happens? He didn’t look both ways, and got hit by a car. He then cross chopped the car in half, and got eaten by a Swellow. He then got dumped in a lake right near the road, so he got out and got sniped by a Doripon. Great, right? So he finally gets to the road, goes across, and sees all the shops. You what he says? He says, “Now why did I cross the road? He crosses back and the same thing happens all over again.” Now that was funny. The crowd just broke into a large laugh, lasting for a few minutes as Tsunami elaborated the joke further and further.

At the end, we all knew who the winner was when Tsunami started to cover for me onstage. However, DMC wasn’t happy. “UNFAIR! I should have won! I SHOULD HAVE WON!” He then stamped around like a childish baby LOSER. But he wasn’t going to lose. “You’ll pay! My funny genius is better than your or your meddling Swampert!” Wow, Scooby Doo. They must have nice reception to get Scooby Doo from this dark place. I just looked at the temper tantrum disrupt his veins, which pulsed red, and DMC looked a bunch bigger than me. He then started to attack.

“Go, FLAMETHROWER!” The flamethrower came towards us at a quick speed, but Tsunami was in to save the day, as the flamethrower does almost nada, zip, ZERO to a Swampert. Tsunami countered with surf, taking about ¼ hp from DMC. Then DMC let out a powerful howl. “PSYCHIC!” He lifted Tsunami in the air, then chucked him down fast doing about ½ damage with a bit left over.

Then Tsunami surfed again, with another ¼ down, and DMC was down to a little less than ½ . Another psychic made Tsunami almost KOed, and Tsunami let out one left surf, putting both idiots into a deadlock at little hp. DMC looked hurt, but he didn’t look scared. He created a glowing light. “Recover!”

Tsunami didn’t like this. “Hey!” he whined, and shot a critical surf, putting DMC to his earlier predicament. DMC took a chance.

“Psychic!” That put Tsunami out of business, but I knew what to do. I threw in Darkscythe, my Scyther. “(Ready to KO!)” He sure knew what he was doing. A fury swipe was all he needed, which he attacked first and KOed the leader. Did I mention that I was still in half?

I then looked for an exit, but couldn’t find one. However, one person popped up. It looked like a Gardevoir- in fact, it was! It was...

Sub’s Gardevoir. Man, she gets trapped somehow in here every time she does something. Anything. I “swam” over to the psychic pokemon. I looked at her, and she looked a bit frizzled.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! THANK YOU!” That was unusual. She never did anything too emotional. “You saved me from DMC. Now what shall I do for you?” This seemed to be a great way to get out. I proposed a premonition.

“Can you get me out of the horrid place?”

“Sure! WH00TEO!” She gave me a mountain dew 2-liter, and shook it. She made me clasp it with her, and all of a sudden- BOOM!- the fizz exploded and flew us way up inside the dark cloud that is the dark portal. All of a sudden we appeared in the middle of Sub’s room with... those idiotic Combusken. Just then Pix came out of an SIV portal with a doll of herself, pictures of my waistline down, and my other half. I put it on me.

“Phew, great to be back, feet.” But I didn’t have long to enjoy it, because Sub’s Garde’ just flew off. Great. I just ran straight to my room, pulled out Solar from my box, and started blasting the food to bits. “HAH!” I screamed. I then released Blubird. “Blubird,” I said with a bit of anger in my voice, “rip up that salad dressing.” I was annoyed at it.

“Sure thing boss!” She ran to the kitchen, where screaming of “Tax coll-“ “Collectors of t-“ is as far as she got to calling the Combusken again. I went to post my mission brief and waited for a grade.

Mission Brief: I battled two Combusken Fried Chicken and picked up one of the fried combusken fingers. I scanned the DNA to find that they were pokemon fused with food, and was cut in half by two portals (SIV and Shadow). I then beat DMC in a funny fest and a fight, then returned using a Dew Rocket.
Pokemon: Tsunami: KOed
Blubird: Redish HP
Solar: Not touched
Darkscythe: PWNS and 100%
Sparks: Loves Hampsters Dancing and 100%
Chickory: Did nothing. NOTHING!
Missions at rank: 1 (counting this one.)
Rank: Collector