There comes a time in a persons life when they question existence. Why are we here? Why do we feel things? Why do we think things? Why do we do the things that we do?
I've been thinking a lot lately. Mostly about someone, but after thinking about that someone, I start thinking about other things, like existence. Why do I love her? What makes me think that I love her? Do I really love her? Do I? Why am I here? Why are we here? Why does everything exist? It's just...something that we have.
Full of conveniences, and full of obstacles. It's gotten me depressed. I don't show it on the outside though, or, I try not to. But my friends have started to notice. I'm usually a pretty happy guy, full of energy and pumped full of sugar and caffiene xD. But now? I'm turning borderline emo, and I don't like the way my life is turning itself into. As I reflect, the only time I was ever actually happy, was during the last summer, where, I took a Japanese class. Now taking a class and literally having the best time of my life there may not sound like the best thing in the world. But it was. I met new people there. People who, despite me only knowing them a short time, I completely trust. Yumi, Tomoyo, if you're reading this, feel special.
I've become nostalgic. Completely, and totally nostalgic. I want to relive the past, fully aware that the past can't be regained. I'm aware that what I'm doing is self destructive, but I can't help thinking about the time that I was happy. Worse, most of the people in my class live far, far away, and I don't get to see them. Sure we talk sometimes, but that just doesn't cut it. I just can't...help myself. I feel like I'm falling into a hole, and the hole just goes on, and on, and on. Every so often there's a niche in the wall, and I grab onto it. The solution is only temporary, I soon fall off, then I just...fall...into nothingness. I'm never happy anymore. Everything now, is just a quick fix.
What is happiness anyway? An intense feeling of joy. What's joy? A feeling of happiness. Nothing in this world is ever fair. Life sucks. And I'm either going to look back upon this journal entry two years from now, and do one of two things. 1. I would look back and say, "god dammit I could've stopped myself from becoming who I am today. And 2. I would just read this and laugh. But that's the future. And I am now. I am the now that is confused, and I have no idea what to think.
Holy crap I sound emo. Sorry for the long first journal entry.
I've been thinking a lot lately. Mostly about someone, but after thinking about that someone, I start thinking about other things, like existence. Why do I love her? What makes me think that I love her? Do I really love her? Do I? Why am I here? Why are we here? Why does everything exist? It's just...something that we have.
Full of conveniences, and full of obstacles. It's gotten me depressed. I don't show it on the outside though, or, I try not to. But my friends have started to notice. I'm usually a pretty happy guy, full of energy and pumped full of sugar and caffiene xD. But now? I'm turning borderline emo, and I don't like the way my life is turning itself into. As I reflect, the only time I was ever actually happy, was during the last summer, where, I took a Japanese class. Now taking a class and literally having the best time of my life there may not sound like the best thing in the world. But it was. I met new people there. People who, despite me only knowing them a short time, I completely trust. Yumi, Tomoyo, if you're reading this, feel special.
I've become nostalgic. Completely, and totally nostalgic. I want to relive the past, fully aware that the past can't be regained. I'm aware that what I'm doing is self destructive, but I can't help thinking about the time that I was happy. Worse, most of the people in my class live far, far away, and I don't get to see them. Sure we talk sometimes, but that just doesn't cut it. I just can't...help myself. I feel like I'm falling into a hole, and the hole just goes on, and on, and on. Every so often there's a niche in the wall, and I grab onto it. The solution is only temporary, I soon fall off, then I just...fall...into nothingness. I'm never happy anymore. Everything now, is just a quick fix.
What is happiness anyway? An intense feeling of joy. What's joy? A feeling of happiness. Nothing in this world is ever fair. Life sucks. And I'm either going to look back upon this journal entry two years from now, and do one of two things. 1. I would look back and say, "god dammit I could've stopped myself from becoming who I am today. And 2. I would just read this and laugh. But that's the future. And I am now. I am the now that is confused, and I have no idea what to think.
Holy crap I sound emo. Sorry for the long first journal entry.
Community Member
The summer was really nice, with the Japanese class and all. That was the happiest time of my summer too, considering the rest sucked what with the drama and my exboyfriend and all.
I miss it too, but it's nothing something I want to dwell on. Focusing only on the past just hinders you from moving on into the future. I learned that the hard way.
It's amazing how close our class grew in the span of a few short weeks, I don't think I've ever gotten so attached to so many people in so short a time. Sometimes I feel more attached to you guys than my hometown friends.
But I think, whatever happens happens for a reason. That's the reason for our existence I guess, to go through what fate has already planned for us, and make our own choices based on what they give us.
I think it was fate that we all met, and I'm glad that we did, even if it cost me other things I care about.
Sooo uh. xD Wow now that I re-read that, none of it makes sense. o__o; Uuuhm.
Moral of my long pointless comment:
Don't be emo Kai. D< Cause an emo Kai is an unfunny Kai. And an unfunny Kai doesn't hop down the subway stairs like a ninja to hold open a train door for me. x] <3 Yush.
As for the confused about love thing, well I guess there isn't much you can do about it. o.o But I think when you love someone, and when you meet the person meant for you, you'll know. You'll just know that she was different from anyone else and that she's always in the back of your mind, and at the front of your heart. =3 -noddage-
Btw I wanna see what she looks like. xP I've never seen what the people at your school look like. Is she one of those rich druggies though? o______O;