Hrm. Something came up in the alternative lifestyles guild that I think i should journal about to make some things clear for myself.
How I came out... It was more a process for me. Of course this was when the Mask was still fully in control, in my Dark Ages. Named so because when I look back, everything is shrouded in black. Because I was so confused.
I was in either early Middle School or late elementary when it started. Of course, it could have started since I was born, I don't know, I was a pretty screwed-up kid. But even after having a boyfriend, I still hadn't figured it out.
Then, I found the Books. The Geography club, The Rainbow series(though I don't think I started reading that until after I'd kind of finished with the questioning), the books that had gay characters in them. Although they were gay male characters, somehow I felt an extreme connection to them. And I had no clue why. So I denied it for awhile, then I started thinking "well, I don't relate to them because they're gay, just because I feel like a have a secret to keep." And I stayed on that thread awhile, but either something convinced me to stop or I just said "y'know, it's time I seriously think about this..."
And from there on, it was like connecting the dots. It took me a day or two to admit it to myself. I believe it was just that I always knew and was not willing to admit it.
And then about a few days to a week later I came out to my family. My Mom's first reaction was "So? We know you've been questioning this for awhile." I don't htink she realized that this was the last step, because a little while later, she asked "are you sure?" and I said "Yes." and she believed me. I kind of explained it was like connecting the the dots, though I don't remember much. Then something very strange happened. We were on our way home from Zumiez(for ME of course. Yeah, my Mom shops at Zumiez...) a little while later and we were debating whether the guy who helped us out was straight or gay. And then she asked "If he were straight, would you go out with him?" And I said "Uh.. No~o!" And she said "okay! I was just checking!" In the "Jeez, sor~ry!" kind of way. To this day, I am still confused by that question. But now, she's pefectly fine. She'll even laugh at some of the jokes that are normally only understood by fellow lebains. And as far as my Stepdad goes, He was just kind of like "whatever." The only real time he cried when when our iguana died... Which people seem to think is funny... I guess I kind of get it, but I was totally serious when I said it.
Then there's my OTHER family. The ones on the East Coast. Dad, Donna, the works. Yech. Anyways, they said they were fine with it, but my Dad still forgets sometimes, which makes me think he;'s not totaly open-minded, because he starts out assuming you're straight unless you tell him otherwise. The others, are, well, worse. They don't say anything, but I get the feeling they're using it as ammunition when it will work. becuase Donna always remembers, which, when it comes to her, is VERY VERY VERY BAD SIGN.
But then there's he school. I've announced it in I think 7 classes already, so I think it's safe to say the whole frickin' school knows by now. Btw, my questioning period ended about 9th grade. Lesse. I can't remember which class I came out in last year, but I think it was only one. Probably speech... Actually, probably two... But this year, there were the other six: first was my LA class. She said bring in two items that are important to you. My first thought was: "the book on gay history I'm reading." Yep. And it IS important, because it gave me a lot of definition to my life(you'll hear me say "it gave me definition" a lot, btw), because I learned that the homophobic attitude of most places, in terms of anthropolgy, is pretty recent. It started around 1100, and reached it's peak in aout 1300 with the introduction of Christianity. And not to offend any Christians, but I don't believe it's in the the Bible "because God said so". And if He did, it's for a reason: back then, there was so much disease and famine and drought and generally things that were wiping out the population that people NEEDED hetersexual marriages to keep the population going. Because before that, homosexuality was in the exact same standings of heterosexuality. Which is exactly what I told the class, I think. I might have just said the bit about homophobia being recent. But anyways, there was quite a ruckus about that. It basically got spread around the school, I know wbecause one of them people who I considered my friends at the time told me they'd heard that someone said that in an a LA class and they thought it was a rumor. biggrin *acts melodramatic and cheesy**sparkly eyes* I've touched so many lives... *sniff*
The other 5 classes were heatlh classes-- see, every year, this one health teacher has a "panel" of gay students (or just students who have something to say about gayness) and I was on it this year-- five health classes of talking about being gay. MAN, that was fun. 3nodding
So, I think that's everything on gayness.
And I've decided how I want to write my journal. I look at my life from a bunch of perspectives, like this chapter was gayness, the last chapter was in terms of all things tragic, and the next chapter will likely be friends.
But I think, just for me, I'll include my daily updates. Although, really, I don't trust you enough for that. That's rather private, I'll save that for my IRL journal.
For now, though, this will be my entertaining spot, and my biography. I am partly doing this for me, mostly doing this of me, but it;s also a little to entertain people and inform them of who I am. My public face. Although, you will simply have to figure the rest out for yourself. Or ask. biggrin
Au revoir,
-Ilsa
Zombie-Chans-Mule4 Community Member 
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