i feel if i don't get this out she'll win. only meg knows, meg helped name her. ha. mom always said i had a viper's toung. what she didn't know is that viper was not me. it was her. i don't want to call her by the name we gave her because it insault my godddess. but we named her bast. growing up she was there. in the shadows of my mind. clawing and ripping, whispering and screaming. the more i grow so did she, in stranth. with no friends and a deep unforgiving hate for most of my family she grew. i truned in on myself looking for hope, for stranth. she gave it to me. in a deep medatation i found her. a caged tiger. white and blood socked. green eyes periced like knives. she spoke. my voice drowned in venom. she offered stranth and conpanoship. i set her free of the cage, but kept her collared. the figure changed. her face was mine, twisted in rage, blood lust, and unbrideled freedom. if i was ying she was yan. she was me. i remember waking from the trance sweet soked and in a rage. i freed the beast and i didn't want to put her back. she was someone to talk to, someone who protected me and made it look like i could protect myself. but she got stronger. much stronger. the more i counted on her, the more she took over. i remember the first time i let her out, compleatly. for an instant i was so free i could cry. i lept at my brother in a blood rage and slashed at his face with my own nails, scaring his face. it was like i was watching form the side lines. i could see everything. i couldn't stop it if i wanted, and i didn't. my body sprong from the stairs kicking off the wall and like a tigeress landing on prey my nails raked his face. i wanted him dead. i wanted his blood on my hands. at the sound of my mom's voice i took my body back. like she was afraid of my mother. i wasn't sorry. i liked the power. but i relised how powerfull she was. so a chained her back. letting the rage free in controlled places and meditation seshions. i had tamed her. for a time. as my friendless life continued i continued to visit her in my mind. i began picking up her trates like a child with a loving older sisbling. i remember her slipping loose. a boy said something. i can't remember what. but it took 4 girls to hold me back. 4. each one bigger then me. and i was still moving forword on him. i saw nothing. i can't remember seeing anything. just hearing sounds. voices yelling then the scream and the sudden freedom. i stopped moving. i was back in controll. and one of the girls was on the ground. she looked horified. i hadn't touched her. she simplely screamed "her eyes! her eyes! they're red! her eyes turned red!" she had gotten out again. this time farther. instantly i became stronger then someone my size should have been. i could left girls near twice my size on my shoulders with effort. and i became obsesed with my right to free speach. spitting vemon where i could about anything that crost me. i could free her taking hold. and i wanted her to. in time about 6 or 7th grade i had made friends. and she disapeared. but not for long. my inturnal need for friends made her stronger. she now had a new reson to come out. to protect them. and she did. i thought she had gone when one night after making a new friend i found her crying. peope where making fun of her and she was going to drop out of the programe we met in, the only way to stay together. this was a tret. i'd be alone again if she left. she came out. but there was nothing to attack. she was freed to another cage. and she did want any beast would. she paced. she paced the room snarling and growling. movements like the tigeress. the tigeress i lerned that year was a part of me. born in the year of the tiger. the action she took scared the other girls in the room. backing themsevles into closets to stay out of my way. meg backed her way onto her bed. she had stopped crying and started yelling at me that it was ok. that she was fine now. i don't remember this at all. just meg telling want had happened. she was back. this time to stay. i made her into a charictor in a fnfiction and meg and i named she bast. she was happy with it. and sence then. when every i'm pushed, when every i'm scared, when ever i'm weak, she comes out and gives me her stranth. but at a price. she's getting stronger. and she will have controll one day. i only hope a friend doesn't try to stop her when she does. wahmbulance
Bastet13 Community Member 
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