As many times as I've wanted to tell you the truth
How long have I stood here beside you
I live through you
You looked through me…
This cannot be happening, I thought dazedly, fingers numb and cold in my state of shock.
She was wearing his ring. The ring I had given him. And it was hanging around that bloody bimbo’s neck?! My eyes move to the boy next to her, begging him to tell me it isn’t true. He couldn’t love her. He just couldn’t.
“Jamie?” Was that my voice? That small, pathetic squeak? No, that won’t do. I have to be strong. He can’t know how much this is killing me.
Ooh, Solitude,
Still with me is only you
Ooh, Solitude,
I can't stay away from you…
He starts slightly and turns to me. His tawny hair is tousled and his cheeks are pinkening with guilt. “Oh, I didn’t notice you come in,” he says, shifting uncomfortably on his feet, hands shoved deep into his jean pockets.
I glance again at the girl. The light catches on one of the emerald’s many facets and the ring glimmers against the hollow of her throat. At the sight, my heart constricts painfully and I choke back on a sob.
How many times have I done this to myself
How long will it take before I see
When will this hole in my heart be mended
Who now is left alone but me…
James has noticed my staring. His face is now beet red, and he’s jingling coins in his pockets. “Um…” he murmurs awkwardly. “This is Claire. We’ve been… well… going out…”
“I see,” I say tightly, still staring fixedly at the ring.
“I meant to tell you sooner. I just… didn’t know how,” he offers weakly.
You’re lying. The thought hits me like a ton of bricks, threatening to shatter every once of the control I was fighting so hard to hold on to.
Ooh, Solitude,
Forever me and forever you
Ooh, Solitude,
Only you, only true…
“Excuse me?” James had stopped shifting and his eyes, eyes that had always reminded her of liquid honey, were abnormally wide.
Had I really said that out loud? And now, it seemed as if I couldn’t hold the words back any longer. All I could do was let my brain watch from afar as my heart took over.
“You’re lying,” I repeat, ice dripping from my words. “You were never going to tell me.”
He flinches visibly at my words. “I was-”
“No. Don’t even bother. Why would you want to?”
“I don’t get what the big deal is,” he says, appalled by my sudden outburst.
“Of course you wouldn’t! You’re too busy falling for the first bimbo you see to notice that I-” I catch myself before I let the words out. That would be real smart. Right.
“How dare you call Claire a bimbo!” he growls, stepping forward in anger. “You know nothing about her!”
“I know she’s wearing our ring.”
“My ring. It’s been my ring for years!” he corrects.
“Do you even remember who gave it to you?” It’s so hard to hold back the tears now.
How can he not remember?
Everyone leaves me stranded
Forgotten, abandoned, left behind
I can't stay here another night…
His brow furrows in confusion, searching for an answer, a memory, anything.
It was too much for me to bear, and jealousy rears it’s ugly head in response. My hand thrusts forward and rips the ring from around Claire’s throat, causing the girl to cry out in alarm. I throw it at James’ head but he manages to catch it.
“I gave you that ring after you father died, James. So you’d always know that you still had someone here for you,” I hiss. Damn him. How can he do this to me? “And you just gave it to her?!”
James is furious now, his fists clenched so tight that his knuckles are white. My own body is threatening to break out into violent tremors, but I manage to contain them. I’ve had enough.
“You leave Claire out of this!” he bellows. “I’m sick of you breaking up my relationships! I’m sick of you! I love Claire and she loves me!”
Your secret admirer
Who could it be…
“No. I-” I find I can’t go on. ‘I love you’ was there on the tip of my tongue, but it died when I saw the hatred swelling in his eyes. I’ve gone to far, and now I’ve lost him.
“Jamie, please just-” I begin desperately. I can’t lose him; he’s all I have left.
“No,” he says sharply, his face dark. “I’ve had enough.” He throws the ring at my feet. It hit’s the wooden floor with a loud clank, and in that moment, my heart was shattered. “Take ‘your’ ring and get out of my life.”
Ooh, Can't you see
All along it was me
How can you be so blind
As to see right through me…
“James.” The tone in my voice is nothing short of pleading.
But he’s past hearing my pleas for forgiveness. He’s past hearing me at all. Without a backward glance, he stalks angrily from the room, the door swinging shut with a resounding slam as he goes. Claire sneers at me and opens her mouth to make some scathing remark but I shut her up with a glare.
“Get out,” I growl, pointing to the door. “Get the hell out of my sight.”
Claire must have heard something frightening in my voice because she nearly ran to the door, leaving me standing in the center of the empty room. The silence is deafening to me as my emotions swirl chaotically around me.
And Ooh, Solitude,
Still with me is only you
Ooh, Solitude,
I can't stay away from you…
There hasn’t been a day since that I haven’t thought of him. A night where I’ve dreamt about the searing hatred in his voice and woken up in a cold sweat, only to cry myself back into a fitful state of half-sleep. A part of me died that day. It was as if a part of soul had been ripped from me and I will never get it back.
If only I’d told him I love him.
Ooh, Solitude,
Forever me and forever you
Ooh, Solitude,
Only you, only true…
~Fin.
The song's by Evanescence for all those who may be wondering...
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