Okay another fanfic from me and another angst fest. I seriously don't know what is wrong with me. I should be depressed from writing all this but I'm not. Anyway this fic is a result of a conversation that I had with my friend Amy, about how and why death affects Wally more then anyone else and our conclusion is that he is a speedster. You'll understand after you read it. For some reason Gar just seemed to be the perfect choice of character to help. and I've already done a major angst for Robin, although Robin is mentioned here...a lot. Thanks again to Kogy who beta'd it and saved it. -Giggles- I'm glad you like them so much. Anyway I hope you enjoy it and it's meant to be taken in whatever way you wish. I hope you like it and please comment. I really want to know what you think of this one.
Stop Motion
"Seven hundred and twenty thousand, nine hundred and seventy two."
Wally has been outside in the rain for an awfully long time. His toes are numb in the rubber boots and he's pretty sure that his clothes are wet through, only he can't feel anything anymore.
And that is exactly how he wants to feel right now, numb. If he started to feel something, then he would have to deal with all these crazy emotions that were tearing him apart a few hours ago and right now he's doesn't know if he's strong enough to face that.
It's easier to just sit out here in the freezing cold, counting the rain drops as they lash down towards the earth. Easier to forget what happened today. Easier to pretend to everyone, that really, he's okay and to plaster on that big fake grin. He should have learned by now that half the tower can see through that facade.
That's why he's not surprised to hear footsteps on the tower roof behind him. He never was any good at fooling anyone when it comes to matters of the heart.
"Wally?"
There is no mistaking the voice that calls out to him in the dark. He'd know the green shapeshifter's tone anywhere and it almost brings a smile to his face. Gar always manages to sound so young, yet Wally knows he's faced more in his life then most people would ever dream about. He's no fool.
"Did you pull the short straw Gar?"
There is a hint of dull amusement in Wally's soft tones. Nobody ever knows how to deal with the speedster when he is feeling low, except of course his best friend Robin. Robin is not here though and Wally has received enough concerned glances today to warrant /someone/ coming out here after him.
"No I came because I wanted to."
Wally knows him well enough to know when he is lying and so he accepts the answer with a simple nod of his head. /Someone actually has the guts to deal with the emo speedster, a gold star to Gar./ His thoughts are bitter but a small part of him is glad that his friend came to look for him. He needs to talk about this with someone.
"Are you going to be my substitute Robin?"
They both laugh and already Wally is starting to feel a little bit better. Gar has this infectious laugh that you just can't help warming to. He also has this habit of making you want to spill your guts after just one glance. It's just the sort of caring person that he is. Wally thinks that way too many people take the shapeshifter for granted. He makes a mental note to spend more time with him, time is something Wally has in spades.
"Would you like to talk about it?"
Wally does smile this time and nods his head.
"It's about today."
Gar is quiet for a moment and when Wally turns his head he can see the Changeling biting his lip. They were all affected by what happened today but what Wally is about to tell Gar will change the way his friend thinks about him.
"I know today was tough dude. We lost a whole family in that explosion but there is nothing that any of us could have done. If you had been in there you would have died too. Some things are just fate. I guess we just have to be thankful that they didn't feel or see anything."
Wally knows that Gar is being honest with him and that might have worked on anyone else but it isn't about that. Not really. He is used to losing people by now. He is of course deviated when they lose anyone but he's learned to harden his heart slightly. The good in this job outweighs the bad.
He sighs ever so slightly and clenches one of his fists. He needs to talk about this so badly, like he does with Robin but he doesn't know if he should. He likes Gar and doesn't want to scare him away. Wally needs all the friends he can get.
"It was over quickly for them and for everyone else but not for me. I can sort of see and feel the moment when people die. It's too quick for anyone else to feel but as a speedster..." He trails off for a moment and pauses as he tries to explain this.
"It goes so cold. The kind of cold that goes so deep it feels as though someone has removed your bones, stuck them in ice and then forced them back into your body. Then for a split second it goes so dark, it's almost as though this shadow rushes over everyone's heads. And then I hear things. Things I can't even begin to explain and I don't even want to try. When someone dies so unnaturally it's like someone is ripping out their soul. There is a cry and then everything goes silent and still. Then it's like nothing happened and the world is back to normal again. It all happens in the briefest of seconds but to me it seems to go on forever. Normally I can handle it, I've kinda got used to it but today there was more then one death and it was a little too much to handle."
There is an expression on Gar's face that Wally can't even begin to understand. He's never seen that look on his friend's face... ever. He looks down at his hands silent and still, trying to hold back the worry that is bubbling in his chest. He shouldn't have said anything.
Then he can feel a hand on his arm, a hand that is gripping him so tightly that the nails are digging into his skin through the costume. He looks up slowly and his fake blue eyes meet with concerned emerald green ones. Gar is still here and there is a look of determination so strong on his face that Wally is taken aback.
"Wally how long has this been going on for."
Gar looks angry now and that's a familiar response. Robin was furious when he finally told him.
"I guess I've had it since I got my powers but I wouldn't know really. Barry always tried to shield me from it. I didn't know anything about it until I joined the Titans and he wasn't there to stop me getting too close. I can only feel it if I'm close enough to to victim as they are dying."
Gar exhales loudly and scruffs a free hand through his green hair. He looks overwhelmed, yet the anger hasn't died yet. Wally has a pretty good idea why he is angry. He's just waiting for the storm to hit.
"Why the hell didn't you tell us Wal? Christ. We don't lose innocents that often but jeez...everytime? We could have..."
"No!" Wally is firm and cuts him off quickly. "No because then everyone would be so busy trying to keep me away from these things that we could end up loosing more people in the process. Look we have a job to do and I'm used to it now. Of course it still freaks me out, it would freak anyone out but it won't stop me doing my job. I'm not going to have a total meltdown like I did the first time it happened."
The hand on his arm is still gripping him tightly, painfully even but Wally doesn't care. He told Gar and his friend didn't run away. All of a sudden nothing else matters.
"I take it you haven't told TJ then?"
It's a question he has been expecting from Gar. TJ is his best friend after all. He hopes Gar understands why he can't.
"No and I can't. I really really like her. I don't want to scare her away or put her off. It's not exactly the kind of conversation anyone would want to have with their girlfriend. 'Hey guess what darling but one of my talents is to see/hear/feel death. Isn't that cool.' It's not exactly the height of romance is it. Even though TJ doesn't really like romance but you know what I mean."
Gar laughs, a real spontaneous burst of laughter and suddenly Wally is being hugged tightly. It's not an unwelcome gesture and Wally returns it. Speedsters need contact it lingers longer, means more then words. Not that Wally ever tells that to anyone, he just lets them think he likes hugs.
"Wally you are an idiot. She wouldn't run away, it's TJ. You should tell her. You need to tell her but I won't tell her."
Wally smiles slightly and lets go. He looks down at his hands. He's not sure about this, about anything. Their relationship is new and allowing TJ to see that part of him so soon, break down those walls. It's too much, too early. He hopes that when he does eventually tell her she'll understand. That he's even contemplating telling her scares him..a lot.
The hand is back on his arm but the grip is much less painful this time.
"Wally your soaked through. Come back inside, warm up and then we can play Mega Monkey's 4.2."
The invitation is exactly what Wally needs and he needs little persuasion to get up from his spot and follow Gar inside. Part of his mind is still lost to the rushing sound of death. A sound that will never leave him. Till the day he dies.
Stop Motion
"Seven hundred and twenty thousand, nine hundred and seventy two."
Wally has been outside in the rain for an awfully long time. His toes are numb in the rubber boots and he's pretty sure that his clothes are wet through, only he can't feel anything anymore.
And that is exactly how he wants to feel right now, numb. If he started to feel something, then he would have to deal with all these crazy emotions that were tearing him apart a few hours ago and right now he's doesn't know if he's strong enough to face that.
It's easier to just sit out here in the freezing cold, counting the rain drops as they lash down towards the earth. Easier to forget what happened today. Easier to pretend to everyone, that really, he's okay and to plaster on that big fake grin. He should have learned by now that half the tower can see through that facade.
That's why he's not surprised to hear footsteps on the tower roof behind him. He never was any good at fooling anyone when it comes to matters of the heart.
"Wally?"
There is no mistaking the voice that calls out to him in the dark. He'd know the green shapeshifter's tone anywhere and it almost brings a smile to his face. Gar always manages to sound so young, yet Wally knows he's faced more in his life then most people would ever dream about. He's no fool.
"Did you pull the short straw Gar?"
There is a hint of dull amusement in Wally's soft tones. Nobody ever knows how to deal with the speedster when he is feeling low, except of course his best friend Robin. Robin is not here though and Wally has received enough concerned glances today to warrant /someone/ coming out here after him.
"No I came because I wanted to."
Wally knows him well enough to know when he is lying and so he accepts the answer with a simple nod of his head. /Someone actually has the guts to deal with the emo speedster, a gold star to Gar./ His thoughts are bitter but a small part of him is glad that his friend came to look for him. He needs to talk about this with someone.
"Are you going to be my substitute Robin?"
They both laugh and already Wally is starting to feel a little bit better. Gar has this infectious laugh that you just can't help warming to. He also has this habit of making you want to spill your guts after just one glance. It's just the sort of caring person that he is. Wally thinks that way too many people take the shapeshifter for granted. He makes a mental note to spend more time with him, time is something Wally has in spades.
"Would you like to talk about it?"
Wally does smile this time and nods his head.
"It's about today."
Gar is quiet for a moment and when Wally turns his head he can see the Changeling biting his lip. They were all affected by what happened today but what Wally is about to tell Gar will change the way his friend thinks about him.
"I know today was tough dude. We lost a whole family in that explosion but there is nothing that any of us could have done. If you had been in there you would have died too. Some things are just fate. I guess we just have to be thankful that they didn't feel or see anything."
Wally knows that Gar is being honest with him and that might have worked on anyone else but it isn't about that. Not really. He is used to losing people by now. He is of course deviated when they lose anyone but he's learned to harden his heart slightly. The good in this job outweighs the bad.
He sighs ever so slightly and clenches one of his fists. He needs to talk about this so badly, like he does with Robin but he doesn't know if he should. He likes Gar and doesn't want to scare him away. Wally needs all the friends he can get.
"It was over quickly for them and for everyone else but not for me. I can sort of see and feel the moment when people die. It's too quick for anyone else to feel but as a speedster..." He trails off for a moment and pauses as he tries to explain this.
"It goes so cold. The kind of cold that goes so deep it feels as though someone has removed your bones, stuck them in ice and then forced them back into your body. Then for a split second it goes so dark, it's almost as though this shadow rushes over everyone's heads. And then I hear things. Things I can't even begin to explain and I don't even want to try. When someone dies so unnaturally it's like someone is ripping out their soul. There is a cry and then everything goes silent and still. Then it's like nothing happened and the world is back to normal again. It all happens in the briefest of seconds but to me it seems to go on forever. Normally I can handle it, I've kinda got used to it but today there was more then one death and it was a little too much to handle."
There is an expression on Gar's face that Wally can't even begin to understand. He's never seen that look on his friend's face... ever. He looks down at his hands silent and still, trying to hold back the worry that is bubbling in his chest. He shouldn't have said anything.
Then he can feel a hand on his arm, a hand that is gripping him so tightly that the nails are digging into his skin through the costume. He looks up slowly and his fake blue eyes meet with concerned emerald green ones. Gar is still here and there is a look of determination so strong on his face that Wally is taken aback.
"Wally how long has this been going on for."
Gar looks angry now and that's a familiar response. Robin was furious when he finally told him.
"I guess I've had it since I got my powers but I wouldn't know really. Barry always tried to shield me from it. I didn't know anything about it until I joined the Titans and he wasn't there to stop me getting too close. I can only feel it if I'm close enough to to victim as they are dying."
Gar exhales loudly and scruffs a free hand through his green hair. He looks overwhelmed, yet the anger hasn't died yet. Wally has a pretty good idea why he is angry. He's just waiting for the storm to hit.
"Why the hell didn't you tell us Wal? Christ. We don't lose innocents that often but jeez...everytime? We could have..."
"No!" Wally is firm and cuts him off quickly. "No because then everyone would be so busy trying to keep me away from these things that we could end up loosing more people in the process. Look we have a job to do and I'm used to it now. Of course it still freaks me out, it would freak anyone out but it won't stop me doing my job. I'm not going to have a total meltdown like I did the first time it happened."
The hand on his arm is still gripping him tightly, painfully even but Wally doesn't care. He told Gar and his friend didn't run away. All of a sudden nothing else matters.
"I take it you haven't told TJ then?"
It's a question he has been expecting from Gar. TJ is his best friend after all. He hopes Gar understands why he can't.
"No and I can't. I really really like her. I don't want to scare her away or put her off. It's not exactly the kind of conversation anyone would want to have with their girlfriend. 'Hey guess what darling but one of my talents is to see/hear/feel death. Isn't that cool.' It's not exactly the height of romance is it. Even though TJ doesn't really like romance but you know what I mean."
Gar laughs, a real spontaneous burst of laughter and suddenly Wally is being hugged tightly. It's not an unwelcome gesture and Wally returns it. Speedsters need contact it lingers longer, means more then words. Not that Wally ever tells that to anyone, he just lets them think he likes hugs.
"Wally you are an idiot. She wouldn't run away, it's TJ. You should tell her. You need to tell her but I won't tell her."
Wally smiles slightly and lets go. He looks down at his hands. He's not sure about this, about anything. Their relationship is new and allowing TJ to see that part of him so soon, break down those walls. It's too much, too early. He hopes that when he does eventually tell her she'll understand. That he's even contemplating telling her scares him..a lot.
The hand is back on his arm but the grip is much less painful this time.
"Wally your soaked through. Come back inside, warm up and then we can play Mega Monkey's 4.2."
The invitation is exactly what Wally needs and he needs little persuasion to get up from his spot and follow Gar inside. Part of his mind is still lost to the rushing sound of death. A sound that will never leave him. Till the day he dies.
![Wallace West [KF]](https://a1cdn.gaiaonline.com/dress-up/avatar/ava/5b/43/23bc965a3f435b.png?t=1291398581_6.00_00 "Wallace West [KF]")
