The Happy Part of My Life:
My older sister got married. That was fun.... except for the part about wearing a dress (I really dispise dresses now!).
I am in FCCLA and I went to competion March 3rd for Award of Merit and Power of One. We drove up all the way to Bellvue. I freaked out really bad on Power of One.... But I still got and award for it. I calmed down for Award of Merit, which I did with Dustin, Stephanie, Abbie, and Jackie. We also won with that! YAY!!! GO US!!! *Laughs*... Leo (our state officer [Ohio]) was there and talked to us for a few minutes too. We had a pretty good time. After we won, we went to Wendys!
I drew a picture of Shigure from Fruits Basket and it turned out really really good. It was the first time I had drawn any of the Fruits Basket characters and it accually looked like the person I tried to draw. Amber and Kaori both said that I should submit it into Tokyo Pop 'Fans Baskets'. I plan on doing it! If you see the name Kerushi Rii on one of the fan art pictures... That is me!
Going on with my life story....
The Mad Part of My Life:
I'm really getting sick of how my mom is being. There are a lot of reasons why. I have comfronted her about her drinking, but she does not seem to give a damn about what I say. It really sucks. I don't want to talk about it to a lot of my friends because a lot of them just would not understand. When I told her that my mom is an alcoholic (there are other things I have just found out reciently, but I don't feel like talking about it to any one really), she went crazy on me for a while. Only two people (friends) really know even half what is going on in my house.
I had reciently found out that my mom has been snorting cocain for quite a while. She had reciently quite. I found out that and was really upset for a while, and I still am to an extent. I can't believe she is doing this when she has two kids that arn't even in high school yet. She had stopped in December, but still!
What gets me really really mad is that my mom is trying to hide everything she is doing. I found out she had cheated with her drinking right before my older sister's wedding. AND SHE WONDERED WHY I GOT MAD AT HER! How arrogent and stupid is that? She is going to the AA meeting for a reason! Why does she go if she plans on starting all over again? I just don't understand why she is doing this. It just gets me mad thinking about this!
When I found out, I was talking to D (My Boyfriend). He was very understanding and did not freak out with everything I said (thank god... or I would have freaked out really bad!).
Also, she did all these things for my little sister for a sleep over. Now, that is no big deal. She spent over a day getting ready for this. I helped, being the nice older sister. I did not get a single thank you. I worked 2 hours. I may be being selfish, but I have never got a party like that except the one surprise party my older sister planned for me when I was 8 or so. Ever since she has started everything, I am nothing to her. She has missed about all my concerts I work my a** off. She always find a reason last minute not to go or to not to do something with me. I am really sick of it. She can take a day to do all this stuff for my little sister, but not fourty-five minutes for me. I try to not ask for much, but anytime something is really important to me comes up, she acts as if it is nothing and blows me off. The only thing she has really done in the past year for me is drive me up to Bellevue for competition. I can still remember when she hit me for no reason. I can still remember when I got yelled at for something that I did not do. What about when I had my first band concert yet mom could not go since she had 'more important' things to do. Somethings have life-long scars that can never heal. I know that she is improving somewhat, but it still doesn't heal all that has happened in the past.
There are some days I want to end this pitiful life, but I know that I can't. Plus, suicide is the most selfish way to die, especially at my age (14). I have barely started living, so why should I end it?
I am keeping this journal locked for now... I don't know if I will end up opening it. But for now, I don't feel like anyone reading it. I think I might open it to my friends in three months and every one else later... I just don't know yet. I'm going to take some time going through my emotions and stuff. It may be opened in a week for all I know.
View User's Journal
({[Watashi no chiisan wa ryu desu]})
Stuff... about what is going on in my heckic life. If I say something that you don't think shouldn't be here, PM me before you report me and I will gladly change it ASAP. Just tell me what entry(ies) it is.
 |
