Okay so I found a word that I wanted to base a fic off and that word was choices. I did start this a while ago but it fell by the wayside as so many of my one shots do because I was lacking in inspiration. This morning though I read Rikku's latest one shot which was so flipping amazing that it inspired me to finish this one shot. I have to admit, I read my own work back and went... O______O WTH is this? It's changed into something that I couldn't have predicted. Anyway I hope you like it and please excuse my crappy POV style writing, it needs some work. xDDD
CHOICES
They often say that life is defined by a few critical moments, spread sporadically across the years that make up your lifetime. In those crucial moments we are bound by the one thing that sets human beings apart from every other species on the planet, choice. The choices we make define who we are and the kind of life that we will lead.
Heroes are known for making the hard choices, for doing what is right not what is easiest. If you talk to any of them it is almost certainly guaranteed that ninety nine point nine percent of them will honestly tell you that they would make the ultimate sacrifice for the mission in a single heartbeat.
There are certain rules that a hero must always follow and they have been drilled into each and every one of us since we first donned the costumes. A few of us are damn lucky and have mentors to guide us through the long and grueling process of ascension into the adult hero world. Others rely solely on the more experienced members of their team to help them better themselves. No matter how different these paths of life may be the outcome is usually the same although it’s probably fair to say that some are greater heroes then others.
You know the type that I am talking about; the ones who go that extra mile, who work so hard that they put everyone else to shame but most importantly they are the ones who never give up even when all hope is lost. My best friend, d**k Grayson although most people around here call him Robin, is one of those people. He’s pretty fixated with the whole secret identity thing and that’s why very few people actually know who he really is.
Personally I’m a little more lax with letting people know my real name. Although I should probably have kept it secret for my own sanity because … Wallace Rudolph West? Seriously? Even for cocaine snorting parents, who were probably so high at the time it’s a wonder they even knew they had a son, that name pretty much sucks. There is a really good reason why I go by the name of Wally but getting back to that whole secret identity thing…
d**k doesn’t want anyone to know him as d**k because that would expose the human vulnerable side that Robin can’t afford. Robin has to be perfect all of the time, always has to save the day and he has to do all this without any powers. It’s a reputation he’s built for himself and its why so many people here adore him although he’s pretty crap at seeing it.
I understand why he does it and on some level I’m slightly envious because he never gets worked up over things the way I do. The mask never slips, he’s always Robin all of the time which sounds really odd I know but the truth is that having a secret identity is like having a split personality.
Take me for example. I’m Kid Flash and I’m Wally and I try damn hard to not let the lines blur although I’m not as good at it as Robin is. Kid Flash is arrogant, in your face, confident, flirty and pretty much just oozes power and charm. He’s the complete opposite to who Wally is. I know all of this sounds crazy, like I need to be checked into a mental hospital or something but I need it to be that way so I can have some semblance of a normal life outside the costume. I /need/ it to be that way so when I walk down the street as Wally West, no-one would even consider that the shy boy from Tennessee could possibly be the loud mouthed confident Kid Flash. Keeping my private life separate from being a hero is a huge priority and I honestly don’t know how those of them without masks cope with people constantly rooting around into their lives.
Why do I not do what Robin does and only let a few select few into my real life? I guess that’s because since I started to live with the Titans, I’m pretty much around them now twenty four hours a day. I’m a much more sociable person then d**k is. Speedsters crave interaction and stimulation and despite my best efforts I’m a speedster out of costume whether I like it or not. It’s not like a light switch, I can’t ever turn my powers off which can be pretty perplexing especially since it blurs the line between hero and civilian. I need these people to know that I’m not like Kid Flash, that I’m nothing like Kid Flash. That Kid Flash is in fact an act and when I put on that mask I become a completely different person. It upsets me when people think I’m exactly the same in and out of costume. If that was the case I wouldn’t need to wear a mask would I?
I don’t know what point I decided to be this person and by that I mean the one who is always smiling not matter how terrible they feel. I have a confession to make, most of the time I really don’t feel like smiling. To be perfectly honest I spent most of my time feeling worried, scared or angry. It’s hard to escape those feelings especially when just the mention of one man’s name can bring all these feelings to the forefront. My relationship with my father can be described as pure and simple hatred and that’s on one of the good days.
I spent so much of the early years of my childhood feeling so worthless and afraid, that I wanted to make sure that no-one else ever has to feel as awful as I did. So I hide the negative emotions behind a bright smile and cheerfulness. I have this need to make people happy and to feel safe because for a long time I never felt that way. d**k once said that I must be the only living thing on this planet that has an instinct to comfort other people and I guess that’s true on some level. I’ve just never viewed myself as very important and putting other people before me just seems to come naturally.
But today I can’t do that. Today I need to put myself first because today is my sixteenth birthday. The reasons that I have for putting myself first on my birthday are completely different from the reasons that you might think. I’m not the slightest bit interested in the celebrating this accursed day because today is also the anniversary of my Mother’s death. My birthday has always been a day for grieving and quiet reflection. Reflecting on the fact that I have failed yet again to bring that man to justice. I don’t know how I can bring myself to place flowers on her watery grave; I haven’t earned the right to pay any respects. Not while he roams the streets mocking her and mocking me. That fact that he even breaths in the same air as me makes me feel violently sick and I make no secret of the fact that I want him dead, preferably by my own hand.
It all comes back to that little word choice. And taking place right now is one of those life defining choices that I was talking about earlier. I never suspected that a moment like this would come along; life seems pretty content in kicking me repeatedly in the face. Now however the tables have turned dramatically.
The cliff that I am standing on is high and the drop into the sea below is almost too far down for the eyes to see. If you listen carefully though you can hear the soft crashing of the waves against the jagged rocks below, relentless in power and strength.
No man could survive that fall.
My father is hanging on to the cliff edge by his fingers, his human body dangling over that sheer drop like a rag doll. It is no-one’s fault but his own that he is here; any fool knows not to back up onto the edge of the cliff. A battle has been raging up here for hours now, a desperate struggle between him and me. He’s tiring; the fingers slip around on those rocks, his green eyes pleading with me to spare him. Behind me I can hear every breath that my teammates are taking. They don’t know what to think right now. Because I am stood over this man that I hate. I alone have the power to save him and the power to make sure that he never takes in another breath of the air that he doesn’t deserve.
As a hero my choice should be straightforward, I should save him. It is my duty to save everyone from sudden death no matter how high the cost. Revenge is not the way of the hero and I have to keep this war going in the hope that one day true and honest justice will be served. The problem is that choices are never easy, no matter what anyone tells you. Right here in this moment the lines that separate Wally West and Kid Flash are fading. Normally in these circumstances I act purely as Kid Flash and nothing else. I do my job and I do it well but these are no ordinary circumstances and this is no ordinary villain.
Right now the real me; the one who suffered so badly at the hands of this man, the one who had to sit and watch as his mother died and the one who normally never asks anyone for anything…. wants this man dead. It would be so easy to stamp down on those fingers and watch with grim satisfaction as he fell to his death on the rocks below. I’m so tired of fighting him, so tired of knowing that at any moment he could hurt or kill one of those people stood behind me that I love so dearly. I could end this now if I wanted to and I’d never have to live in fear ever again. I’ve spent much of my life battling inner demons and this is just another memorable battle in a catalogue of pain and suffering.
Time is moving slowly for me, as it always does. I know long before Rudolph does the moment when his tired fingers give in. I watch the look of surprise as he begins to fall backwards, starting the plummet towards the ground. Gravity always wins and death cannot be averted by anyone but me. And for the briefest of moments I hesitate because the conflict is still going on deep within the dark places of my mind. d**k even has the time to let out a gasp because from what he can see right now, I’m letting this man fall to his death.
One thing I have learned through all of this is that I was born to be a hero. This man, while not intentionally, is the reason why I became a hero and saved so many people. He is my origin story. Without him I would have never met the people behind me that mean so much to me, without him Kid Flash would not exist. I do want him dead; I want that peace of mind that I know that his death will bring me. But at the same time I’m not going to let this happen. I’m not going to let him die because that is not what I am about. I’ve struggled all my life knowing the fact that I have an evil monster as a father and I swore that I would never be anything like him. I am nothing like him and I take pride in that fact.
That’s why I grab his arm at the last possible moment and with a superhuman effort I tug him back to safety. He’s lying on the ground at my feet too weak to move and I turn to walk away. My job is done. His life is safe for now and it’s almost guaranteed that in a few weeks he’ll be back on his feet, trying to kill me again. I can’t bring myself to care.
This choice may be over and done with but the battle within still rages. There is that tiny part of me that still wants him dead, that thinks that I should have just let him fall. This is the part of me that will never forgive myself for not being able to save my Mother. This is the part of me that thinks I’ve failed yet again.
This time though I can allow myself a brief real smile, through the tears that are building up in my eyes. I can go home confident in the knowledge that today my choice was the right one.
CHOICES
They often say that life is defined by a few critical moments, spread sporadically across the years that make up your lifetime. In those crucial moments we are bound by the one thing that sets human beings apart from every other species on the planet, choice. The choices we make define who we are and the kind of life that we will lead.
Heroes are known for making the hard choices, for doing what is right not what is easiest. If you talk to any of them it is almost certainly guaranteed that ninety nine point nine percent of them will honestly tell you that they would make the ultimate sacrifice for the mission in a single heartbeat.
There are certain rules that a hero must always follow and they have been drilled into each and every one of us since we first donned the costumes. A few of us are damn lucky and have mentors to guide us through the long and grueling process of ascension into the adult hero world. Others rely solely on the more experienced members of their team to help them better themselves. No matter how different these paths of life may be the outcome is usually the same although it’s probably fair to say that some are greater heroes then others.
You know the type that I am talking about; the ones who go that extra mile, who work so hard that they put everyone else to shame but most importantly they are the ones who never give up even when all hope is lost. My best friend, d**k Grayson although most people around here call him Robin, is one of those people. He’s pretty fixated with the whole secret identity thing and that’s why very few people actually know who he really is.
Personally I’m a little more lax with letting people know my real name. Although I should probably have kept it secret for my own sanity because … Wallace Rudolph West? Seriously? Even for cocaine snorting parents, who were probably so high at the time it’s a wonder they even knew they had a son, that name pretty much sucks. There is a really good reason why I go by the name of Wally but getting back to that whole secret identity thing…
d**k doesn’t want anyone to know him as d**k because that would expose the human vulnerable side that Robin can’t afford. Robin has to be perfect all of the time, always has to save the day and he has to do all this without any powers. It’s a reputation he’s built for himself and its why so many people here adore him although he’s pretty crap at seeing it.
I understand why he does it and on some level I’m slightly envious because he never gets worked up over things the way I do. The mask never slips, he’s always Robin all of the time which sounds really odd I know but the truth is that having a secret identity is like having a split personality.
Take me for example. I’m Kid Flash and I’m Wally and I try damn hard to not let the lines blur although I’m not as good at it as Robin is. Kid Flash is arrogant, in your face, confident, flirty and pretty much just oozes power and charm. He’s the complete opposite to who Wally is. I know all of this sounds crazy, like I need to be checked into a mental hospital or something but I need it to be that way so I can have some semblance of a normal life outside the costume. I /need/ it to be that way so when I walk down the street as Wally West, no-one would even consider that the shy boy from Tennessee could possibly be the loud mouthed confident Kid Flash. Keeping my private life separate from being a hero is a huge priority and I honestly don’t know how those of them without masks cope with people constantly rooting around into their lives.
Why do I not do what Robin does and only let a few select few into my real life? I guess that’s because since I started to live with the Titans, I’m pretty much around them now twenty four hours a day. I’m a much more sociable person then d**k is. Speedsters crave interaction and stimulation and despite my best efforts I’m a speedster out of costume whether I like it or not. It’s not like a light switch, I can’t ever turn my powers off which can be pretty perplexing especially since it blurs the line between hero and civilian. I need these people to know that I’m not like Kid Flash, that I’m nothing like Kid Flash. That Kid Flash is in fact an act and when I put on that mask I become a completely different person. It upsets me when people think I’m exactly the same in and out of costume. If that was the case I wouldn’t need to wear a mask would I?
I don’t know what point I decided to be this person and by that I mean the one who is always smiling not matter how terrible they feel. I have a confession to make, most of the time I really don’t feel like smiling. To be perfectly honest I spent most of my time feeling worried, scared or angry. It’s hard to escape those feelings especially when just the mention of one man’s name can bring all these feelings to the forefront. My relationship with my father can be described as pure and simple hatred and that’s on one of the good days.
I spent so much of the early years of my childhood feeling so worthless and afraid, that I wanted to make sure that no-one else ever has to feel as awful as I did. So I hide the negative emotions behind a bright smile and cheerfulness. I have this need to make people happy and to feel safe because for a long time I never felt that way. d**k once said that I must be the only living thing on this planet that has an instinct to comfort other people and I guess that’s true on some level. I’ve just never viewed myself as very important and putting other people before me just seems to come naturally.
But today I can’t do that. Today I need to put myself first because today is my sixteenth birthday. The reasons that I have for putting myself first on my birthday are completely different from the reasons that you might think. I’m not the slightest bit interested in the celebrating this accursed day because today is also the anniversary of my Mother’s death. My birthday has always been a day for grieving and quiet reflection. Reflecting on the fact that I have failed yet again to bring that man to justice. I don’t know how I can bring myself to place flowers on her watery grave; I haven’t earned the right to pay any respects. Not while he roams the streets mocking her and mocking me. That fact that he even breaths in the same air as me makes me feel violently sick and I make no secret of the fact that I want him dead, preferably by my own hand.
It all comes back to that little word choice. And taking place right now is one of those life defining choices that I was talking about earlier. I never suspected that a moment like this would come along; life seems pretty content in kicking me repeatedly in the face. Now however the tables have turned dramatically.
The cliff that I am standing on is high and the drop into the sea below is almost too far down for the eyes to see. If you listen carefully though you can hear the soft crashing of the waves against the jagged rocks below, relentless in power and strength.
No man could survive that fall.
My father is hanging on to the cliff edge by his fingers, his human body dangling over that sheer drop like a rag doll. It is no-one’s fault but his own that he is here; any fool knows not to back up onto the edge of the cliff. A battle has been raging up here for hours now, a desperate struggle between him and me. He’s tiring; the fingers slip around on those rocks, his green eyes pleading with me to spare him. Behind me I can hear every breath that my teammates are taking. They don’t know what to think right now. Because I am stood over this man that I hate. I alone have the power to save him and the power to make sure that he never takes in another breath of the air that he doesn’t deserve.
As a hero my choice should be straightforward, I should save him. It is my duty to save everyone from sudden death no matter how high the cost. Revenge is not the way of the hero and I have to keep this war going in the hope that one day true and honest justice will be served. The problem is that choices are never easy, no matter what anyone tells you. Right here in this moment the lines that separate Wally West and Kid Flash are fading. Normally in these circumstances I act purely as Kid Flash and nothing else. I do my job and I do it well but these are no ordinary circumstances and this is no ordinary villain.
Right now the real me; the one who suffered so badly at the hands of this man, the one who had to sit and watch as his mother died and the one who normally never asks anyone for anything…. wants this man dead. It would be so easy to stamp down on those fingers and watch with grim satisfaction as he fell to his death on the rocks below. I’m so tired of fighting him, so tired of knowing that at any moment he could hurt or kill one of those people stood behind me that I love so dearly. I could end this now if I wanted to and I’d never have to live in fear ever again. I’ve spent much of my life battling inner demons and this is just another memorable battle in a catalogue of pain and suffering.
Time is moving slowly for me, as it always does. I know long before Rudolph does the moment when his tired fingers give in. I watch the look of surprise as he begins to fall backwards, starting the plummet towards the ground. Gravity always wins and death cannot be averted by anyone but me. And for the briefest of moments I hesitate because the conflict is still going on deep within the dark places of my mind. d**k even has the time to let out a gasp because from what he can see right now, I’m letting this man fall to his death.
One thing I have learned through all of this is that I was born to be a hero. This man, while not intentionally, is the reason why I became a hero and saved so many people. He is my origin story. Without him I would have never met the people behind me that mean so much to me, without him Kid Flash would not exist. I do want him dead; I want that peace of mind that I know that his death will bring me. But at the same time I’m not going to let this happen. I’m not going to let him die because that is not what I am about. I’ve struggled all my life knowing the fact that I have an evil monster as a father and I swore that I would never be anything like him. I am nothing like him and I take pride in that fact.
That’s why I grab his arm at the last possible moment and with a superhuman effort I tug him back to safety. He’s lying on the ground at my feet too weak to move and I turn to walk away. My job is done. His life is safe for now and it’s almost guaranteed that in a few weeks he’ll be back on his feet, trying to kill me again. I can’t bring myself to care.
This choice may be over and done with but the battle within still rages. There is that tiny part of me that still wants him dead, that thinks that I should have just let him fall. This is the part of me that will never forgive myself for not being able to save my Mother. This is the part of me that thinks I’ve failed yet again.
This time though I can allow myself a brief real smile, through the tears that are building up in my eyes. I can go home confident in the knowledge that today my choice was the right one.
![Wallace West [KF]](https://a1cdn.gaiaonline.com/dress-up/avatar/ava/5b/43/23bc965a3f435b.png?t=1291398581_6.00_00 "Wallace West [KF]")
