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I'm just getting so tired lately. My sleep cycle's outta whack, I'm stage managing a show and the actors aren't even off book yet and it's been six months. And I like two guys right now. One's fun to hang around with and we really get along great. The other is like a subdued version of me, but just a bit sweeter. Problem is, the second guy is my best friend's boyfriend. Was to slow on the uptake I guess.

We both met him at the same time, but he was more attracted to her I guess. It sucks, but I guess that that is life. But it's ok. I'm getting the feeling these days that the two of us would make better friends than lovers. It's kind of a sucky feeling at first, but it's ok after a while.

It's an interesting thing to feel. It's acceptance, sadness, and resignation all built into one great feeling in the pit of your stomach. But you let it go, because you love your friends. Or, at least that's what I do. I don't know about the rest of you. I know that friends have a much greater chance of being there for you forever than lovers do. I'm not saying that great lovers aren't out there, but you're friends are the ones that are going to know you the best and they're the ones that are going to stick by you.

Friends are forever; Lovers are an added treasure.

It's weird, but I really can't bring myself to care about a lot of stuff. I'm working my a** off to get a decent job and a steady paycheque, but who cares anymore. I'm never going to be able to afford a decent apartment anywhere in this god-forsaken world. Everything is getting so damned expensive, and the regular worker is getting nothing for their efforts. Hell, the average salary has gone DOWN 11.3% in BC. What does that tell you about the world?

No one cares anymore. No one seems to really give a s**t about anything but themselves anymore. It's disgusting. And I fear that I am going to soon become one of those people who just don't give a s**t anymore because there's a damn lot of stuff that I don't care about anymore.

The world is going to hell in a handbasket... does anyone really care?

Once again, I have started a term in the joyful world of post-secondary. Only this time, I have 7 classes a week. So basically I am spending every waking moment at school, from sunup to sundown. Hopefully the homework won't kill me.

And you all might think I'm completely insane for saying this, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm getting this undergraduate degree in two years as opposed to four, I'm doing something I love, with people that, for the most part, I enjoy working with, I'm gaining contacts within the buisness for later in life, and on top of that, I have met a really nice guy in one of my classes and both of use really dig each other. It's really nice.

But this is just the beginning. Once production kicks in I will be so busy, it will look like I am living at that campus. But you know what... I STILL wouldn't have it any other way.

Seriously, I don't ever want to be confined to a rest home. There is FAR too much left to chance, I should know, I work in one. I just came back from a shift where the Care Aides didn't know who the patients were. The CARE AIDES!!!!!!

For those of you who don't know, a care aid is responsible for looking after your elderly relatives that are in a home. They change their diapers, bathe them, get them dressed, and feed them. And THESE are the people who had no idea what I was talking about when I was telling them who got what meal mad !

I have resident's meals going out and coming back with the care aides saying that they already have a meal. WTF evil !! How are they supposed to be getting a meal, when I am the one dispensing the food, and I have only JUST prepared their meal! This is NOT supposed to happen.

And to those of you who think this isn't a big deal, I will tell you now, it is, simply because each resident has a set diet card with what they physically can eat due to allergies and abilities. A person who is on a minced diet, cannot be allowed to have a cut up plate for fear they may choke. And if any one of them chokes, the blame, unless I can prove otherwise, will automatically fall on me! So you can see how this is, in all actuallity, a very big deal.

God, it's like, half of these care aides are pulling double their weight for the other half that either don't know, or don't care. Because, don't get me wrong, there are some care aides out there whom I would swear on a stack of bibles are sent by God to make my life easier. It's just the ones who don't know and then won't ask me to clarify, or the ones who just don't give a rat's @$$ about it that piss me off. After all, these residents have served society through wars, depressions, and all manner of other things. The least we can do is give them a decent place to live out the rest of their days in comfort and safety.

Well, Thus have begun the days of Post-Secondary education and I am crying, quite literally, for my high school days. For one thing, I have just spent about $400 on five books (ouch) And I am going to be spending massive amounts of time hiking 20 lbs of materials up a very San Fransico-esk hill

God, if I didn't love my program so much, I'd probably be going insane right about now. I have to spend so much money on transit (trans-s**t more like it, but more on that later) just to get to my campus. It's insanity. But then, all post secondary is like that it seems. And mine's just going to be worse. sweatdrop I must be nuts. But, whatever, C'est La Vie.

Life's gotten so hectic lately. Trying to maintain my grades, participating in the school's drama production, doing my homework, trying to keep up my social life, and keeping up to speed with things on this front. It's gotten so that I can't even stop to smell the roses any more.

It makes me wonder what I should do about that. It'll be even harder next year, what with me going to Post-secondary. Who knows what my schedual will be like then. Often I think about takeing a year off school, either to work or to work and travel. But then, what would my incentive be to go back to school? But then, who said life was easy. Who want's life to be easy, I mean, think how boring that would be. To be able to work and take long vacations in a job that didn't pressure you? No one would appreciate anything anymore. And god knows we have enought of that already with our generartion. Everything's about convenience, no one has to fight to survive anymore. During WWII, people were fleeing for their lives, and now, we grip and moan and rant that it's the end of the world if our coffe's too cold.

It's a mad world out there... and getting madder all the time. I'm just waiting for the white rabbit to pop out of a hole screaming about how he's late......... Wait! There he goes! WAIT FOR ME MR. RABBIT!

Well, school's back in session finally. Now I just have to find out whether or not the college I want to go to is still accepting applications. You know... this strike was completely without point and it seems like most people don't realize this. Too bad.

The only reason the government agreed to spend $150 million on special needs kids is because that during the strike, they were able to SAVE $20 million of their own money during the two weeks the teachers were on strike. So, in essence, they aren't really spending any money at all. Just wait until next year, and then this whole thing will happen ALL over again. sweatdrop Not cool man.

God, people can be so blind sometimes, it's so irritating. There is only one thing the government wants is to ensure that it will stay in power for another term by appearing to pander to the ever changing whims that blow through the court of public opinion. It's sad, but it's true. And the peopl of Canada are ensuring that the government never changes by electing the Liberals to power over and over and over again. The thing I'd really like to see is the Conservatives to come into power for just one term, if not longer, and not commit any major screw ups. That would really make me happy.

At long ******** last the teachers have made the first move in ending their stupid job action. You know, ever since the judges ruled that it was illegal for the teachers to strike, it has been a ******** stalemate between the Liberals (Those indiots) and Jinny Sims with her union (Who have been a pain in the a** for a century and beyond.)

You know, I find it rather ironic that both the teachers and the government claimed they were doing what the were doing for the good of the students... yet here we were. At home. Not learning a ******** thing for two ******** weeks. (I'm sorry if I offend anyone, but this is seriously getting my goat.) As a Grade 12 student, I've lost even more than that. I was SUPOSSED to submit my transcript for review to Douglas Collage about a week ago. Now I can only pray that they will still be accepting applications when I get mine.

This whole thing, no matter what anyone tells you, was just a power struggle between two groups who couldn't agree on anything. EVEN THOUGH, they knew they were giong to be depriving students of their education if this continued. Yeah, that makes me put REAL faith in my government and REALLY makes me want to become a teacher. Thank you VERY much Mrs. Sims and Mr. De Jong. Thank you both, for being such stubborn jackasses that I no longer trust the people ruling my province or the people teaching me anything.