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Sane Insanity Rewritten |
Whatever's been happening that I didn't forget about...yet. |
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twisted-ed_illusions
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Posted: Sun Jul 27, 2008 @ 08:19pm
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The Song Stuck In My Head
It's stuck in my head so bad now. It might have something to do with playing it over and over. Maybe.
I'm the Man Who Murdered Love~XTC
I'm the man who murdered love Yeah, what do you think to that? I'm the man who murdered love Yeah, what do you think to that?
He was begging on his bended knee For me to put him from his misery He hadn't worked at all this century Said I'd do a job for all humanity
I'm the man who murdered love Yeah, what do you think to that? I'm the man who murdered love Yeah, what do you think to that?
I put a bullet in his sugar head He thanked me kindly then he layed down dead Phoney roses blossomed where he bled Then all the cheering angels shook my hand and said
I'm the man who murdered love Yeah, what do you think to that? I'm the man who murdered love Yeah, what do you think to that?
Oh it's the middle of the song I'm guilty, I'm guilty, I'm guilty And then I turned and said
There'll be no more pain from broken hearts And no more lovers to be torn apart Before you throw me in your dungeon dark Your honour, they'll be putting statues up In every park
I'm the man who murdered love Yeah, what do you think to that? I'm the man who murdered love Yeah, what do you think to that?
So dear public I'm here to confess That I'm the one who freed us from this mess Love won't be calling at your adress 'Cause what you never had you never miss, I guess
I'm the man who murdered love Yeah, what do you think to that? I'm the man who murdered love Yeah, what do you think to that?
If you never, ever use it You know you're gonna lose it If you never, ever kiss it How you ever gonna miss it?
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Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2008 @ 03:22am
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Mind Ninja Lobotomy?
I've come the closest to strangling AK I than have in a long time lately. Okay, not really. I could never consider that. You know, because strangling AK would only result in MY death. I'm not that stupid. I seem to be only person who thinks so lately though. This whole I still kind of like Kylie and Kylie still likes me thing has gotten out of control. It's not like we've REALLY acted on it. Since I can feel AK's glare upon that last sentence I'll revise. It's not like we're actually together. Since I can hear Charlie's scoff upon that last sentence, I'll revise. It's complicated, okay?! I know, there probably should be some kind of official thing. Kylie and I can't stay in relationship limbo forever. Every time Kylie brings it up I put it off. At first it was to make sure that there could be some kind of hope that it could even work between us. I actually think it can. Then it was to make sure that there can be any kind of trust anymore. It may be stupid, but yeah. I don't think Kylie is the kind of girl to make the same mistake twice. So now the big thing standing in the way is...well AK. I KNOW AK SHOULDN'T BE AN ISSUE! I KNOW! BUT YOU AREN'T THE ONE WHO ALWAYS HAS TO DEAL WITH HER VOICE IN YOUR HEAD! Yes...AK's a mind ninja. This surprises anyone? Leave me alone... That being said...Kylie would kill me for that being said. She's all "Ashley isn't your mother, Denver. You can make your decisions for yourself, Denver." Even AK says something along the same lines. After she gets a few Kylie bashings out she normally follows up with a "...but you shouldn't let me influence you. It's your life. You can ******** it up all by yourself." AK's opinion of Kylie is well known to the whole world at this point. I hoped against all hope that AK could lessen her extreme loathing for Ky, and she has. Or at least she got slightly less vocal about it. It's just that whenever I see AK now there's all this tension with us. She's right on the edge of an exploding rant. I DO NOT want that baby to go boom because when it does I'm going to get all defensive again and go on my own angry spew and...Well history proves that AK and I just cannot get that mad at each other. Ever. It's actually occurred to me that if we waited to make up much longer last time that AK probably would have moved to California and I wouldn't have heard about it until either Charlie or Kris was on speaking terms with me again and by that time I probably would have just figured on never seeing her again. Yes, I realize comparing the two situations is kind of ridiculous, but the point is bad things happen when AK and I blow up at each other. I don't want to risk that for anything. So I'm stuck with I definitely REALLY like Kylie, I think it maybe could work, I think I can trust her, but there's no way I want risk my relationship with AK especially with one "I think" too many. Okay, so Kylie obviously has a reason to be jealous of AK if 11 out of 10 times I will pick AK over her, just not in the way she's typically most jealous of. AK would never tell me to pick though. AK says I'm not risking anything but her opinion of my already questionable intellect. Although I'm pretty sure I'm risking mine and Kylie's lives sometimes. That's probably the closest thing to a go-ahead I will ever get from AK. Only it's really obvious that this is driving AK crazy. I keep telling her not to stress about it and just let me do what I'm going to do, but since when has AK ever been able to relax about anything? I mean, she's been dating Michael for forever and the guy does everything right and she's still paranoid the world is going to implode on her. Therefore me having what is clearly a longshot relationship with Kylie is clearly the definition of insanity with an impending hell on earth ending that will destruction of us all. I don't know want I want from AK. Her clear permission? She will never say the words, "No, I don't have a problem with you dating Kylie, Denver. You should totally go for it." Am I waiting for her to be more okay with it? Because I think the whole AK hates Kylie but loves me so she'll bash Ky at every chance and just apologize to me later and follow up with a lecture is the closest I'll ever get. If I don't figure out some way to be okay with AK not being okay, I should just tell Kylie as soon as hell freezes over, we should totally get together. AK's cheering her approval in my head now. Great. You know, if I didn't already do the whole therapy gig, I would totally try to evict that damn mind ninja.
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twisted-ed_illusions
Community Member
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twisted-ed_illusions
Community Member
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Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2007 @ 12:34am
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So...You'll Never Guess Who I Kissed Tonight...
Wow. It's been a while since I wrote in this thing. I guess I only write here if I'm bored or if there's a special occassion. Well, I guess you can call today a special occassion. Why? Because I just kissed Ashley Kay. xd Yeps, you read that right. Okay. Obviously there is a story behind this. Today AK and I were going to Kris's. It started snowing on the way there. AK, who was too busy staring at nothing and singing absently to radio missed it at first. rolleyes Figures. It takes her awhile...like there's actually white on the ground before she freaks out. I mean, really, really freaks out. Squealing and cheering and jumping so suddenly that if I wasn't waiting for it, I probably would have driven off the road. Melinda thought it was pretty amusing. She would. But of course that has nothing to the first paragraph. No, AK just loves her snow. A lot. So much that she finally stopped being so out-there, which she has been ever since she came to my house a few days ago with presents. Anyway, AK's happy! Yes, the world is a semi-safer place when AK is happy. At least for me...We get to Kris's the first thing AK does is shout IT'S SNOWING! at the top of her lungs, so much that poor Kaylee jumps out of her skin. Then AK and Melinda start marching around squealing about snow...and trailing snow across the house. sweatdrop They didn't get far. Chris went a little mental on AK. Okay, more than a little. So it's snowing, AK's happy, Melinda's goofy, and Chris is glaring. Still this has nothing to do with kissing AK. Only there was a plot. An evil, evil, very not-thought-out plot. ninja Before we got there...while Kris was busy baking with his niece in the kitchen earlier that day...Rob booby trapped the house. The trap that was set for a laugh at AK's and Kris's expense was a simple placement of mistletoe in various well-hidden places about the house. Ah-ha! Now we're getting somewhere. Rob was doing AK the favor of skipping the chase. Well, while AK and I managed to side-step the obvious traps at the front door, we missed the one carefully placed on a wall-lamp. While Rob got me instead of Kris, this didn't bother him. In fact, I think he liked this idea better. He told AK in a very serious it's-the-rules-of-the-house tone that she HAD to kiss me. If she didn't and broke not only Christmas tradition but the house rules, she wouldn't get any fudge. Well AK wasn't going to live without her fudge. She rolled her eyes and pecked me on the lips in the usual friendly way she does. Rob said Nooo. That was nothing! She had to put more effort into it than that. AK growled and glared but her uncle wasn't letting her off the hook. And AK loves her uncle, and her uncle's fudge, so much that she couldn't say the many nasty words I was sure were going through her head. I was of course insulted, but AK doesn't care about my feelings. So AK sighed, stood on her tippy-toes ( xd short people) and gave me a slightly longer slightly more "romantic" kiss, though I could tell she was about ready to burst out laughing while in the act. Only since it lasted just that little bit longer...Rob could slip Kris the camera he'd been hiding to take the picture before AK demanded her "real" reward. (Girls and their chocolate rolleyes ) AK had pure concentrated murder in her eyes at being caught on film kissing someone she normally wouldn't for the second time in her life and tore after Kris like a bat out hell. It was great! xd There was screaming, yelling, stomping, laughing, nail-clawing, wrestling, and words Melinda, Kaylee, and Joshua probably shouldn't have heard. Kris eventually got away from her long enough to lock the camera in a safe-box. He claimed to have eaten the key so AK started to try to pick the lock or pry it open. lol When that didn't work there a lot more words Melinda, Kaylee, and Joshua really shouldn't have heard before AK chased Kris outside in the snow without coats. The both of them got scolded by Chris. lol I love Kris's house. Kissing AK was more fun than I expected too. I should do it more often with that kind of reaction. Not the usual reaction I get after kissing a girl, but fun all the same. We did get our fudge. And the roads were plenty clear by the time AK got fed up with family teasing. lol All in all it was good day.
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twisted-ed_illusions
Community Member
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Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 @ 07:52pm
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What's Been Happening
A lot's happened. For one, AK and CC graduated. I'm going to Dayton at ITT Tech. AK's going to the branch, OSU Lima. CC's going to Findlay. Michael's in the air and CC's having way to much fun poking him about it. While I was doing my thing for school I came across this institute of photography and technology in Dayton. I ran in by AK once and while Findlay is the better school, she pointed it out Michael and he's thinking. So we might all be going to different schools in different cities soon, but we're all still close together. There was a while when I thought AK was going to hightail it over to Cali when she didn't get ONU but now she's twice as determined now that the school has ticked her off good. I also turned 19 the other day. Is it me, or does that just seem old? Angie's still off in Ireland and having the time of her life living with our grandparents. She says she's fallen in love with three differents guys in the past few months, which means she's in paradise. If it weren't for Melinda and AK I'd probably fly off and join her. As for my dating...between work, AK, Melinda, and now school, What is this dating ritual you speak of? Actually there have been a few first dates, but nothing more than that. Michael and Charlie are convinced AK's out to scare away every girl caught looking twice at me. I told Mom that. She's still waiting for AK to come to her senses and realize she and Michael aren't meant to be. Mom wanted to know why I hadn't scared away Michael yet. Well sorry Mom but I think Michael is a heck of a lot more stubborn than me and possibly even more than AK. The guy is going to marry her and there's nothing me, my mother, and possibly even AK can do about it. I love seeing AK finally outmatched. Some days I like Michael others I down right hate his guts, but I gotta give the guy credit. Anyway, I think my biggest issue right now is school and work. I can't stand the idea of leaving Melinda so long. You know how mother's take a certain amount of time before they can leave they're babies because they're all worried and frantic when they do? I think I'm going through that stage. Mom's laughing at me for it. I probably spend more time with Melinda than she does since she started working again. With all three of us Mom and I are the most bendable on hours so there's usually one of us home with Melinda, and if not we get CC to watch her. But I'm home the most. With school I'm going to be dead by the time I get home most days. It's not fair. Melinda doesn't like it when I'm dead. She gets down right fussy sitting on my stomach trying to get me to move and play with her. AK says I spoiled her. Is it my fault the kid is so darn cute and knows it and uses it to take advantage of me every chance she gets? At least I don't sneak the kid sugar every chance I get like some people, AK...Most days.
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Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 @ 01:53am
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Drunk? No...Maybe...? Possibly.
I go over to Kris's today to find him and AK eating half melted cookie dough ice cream straight from the carton and dancing/jumping on the couches to "Bouncing Off The Walls" by Sugarcult on full blast. AK squealed in a very scary way, jumped off the couch and purposely glomped/attacked/kissed me on the cheek with a sticky ice cream covered mouth and giggling hysterically all at once. eek O-Kay. xd Sorry. I've apparently stepped into alternate reality...I'll just walk out the door and try again for my world. *leaves and opens door again* Nope. Still dancing/jumping/laughing hysterically on the couches. rofl So, what the heck, I joined them. "Why are we doing this?" I shouted over the music. Kris laughed, obviously reaching a new personal record for highest sugar high, and pointed his finger accusing at his cousin. "Don't ask me, this was all HER idea!" he said way too overdramatically. I look to AK for an explanation. She beaming and having a hard time breathing from all the jumping. "What? Aunt Chris isn't here. PARTY!!!!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. Maybe they're drunk, I thought. This was definitely not typical behavior for them, no matter how much sugar they've had. Nope. They're breath and balance seemed fine to me, well, as much AK's balance gets that is. Plus, Rob doesn't have anything to drink in his house. No. They're just REALLY ALARMING HYPER HAPPY. eek Scary. Really scary. *shrug* Like I said, what the heck. We found Rob's stash of candy and wiped it out, kept the music at ear-splitting levels, played old N64 games even louder, Kris started rollerblading in the house down the stair's and the tile floor, and at some point AK and I were swing-dancing on the kitchen table while Kris was pretending to be a rockstar on his guitar until AK fell off the table. Yeah, AK's balance is NEVER good. She also slipped on the stairs running. Both times she went into uncontrollable giggle fits, so I assumed that meant she was okay. rofl If Chris had been home to see us...we'd never hear the end of it. I have no idea what they were on but I never want them to get off it. xd That was just WAY too much fun.
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twisted-ed_illusions
Community Member
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twisted-ed_illusions
Community Member
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Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 @ 02:27am
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Don't You Love That Bipolar Feeling?
Kris is back on leave! If Charlie has anything to say about it, he'll never leave again. xd I don't know how many times CC practically had the poor guy in choke hold she was clinging to him so much. I'm just happy he's here. I was going crazy with all these girls (especially CC) and now that he's here I'll get a little break from them...until he has to go. CC's already refusing to talk about him leaving because he's apparently never going back. rolleyes Poor CC and her seperation anxiety. We got to finally see him yesterday but AK had to stay home then and boy was she ready to kill. It wasn't a good day for her yesterday. Jostin was sick, she stayed up way too late doing homework and still didn't it done, her grandparents came over, she had to spend money she wanted for California on her brother for his birthday, and to top it all she didn't get in to Bowling Green. She thinks that's an automatic death sentence or something and that means she has no chance at ONU and is now faced with a choice of Lima branch Ohio State (where her brother goes and where she as a Michigan fan would rather off herself than go and where she'll be entirely too close to home) or go to California. Yes, that's right she said California. Not visiting. Living. For like ever. I TOLD YOU SHE'D LEAVE ME! scream She's yet to discuss this with her parents, but it's either that or Ohio State if she doesn't get into ONU, which she finds likely. So now I'm praying ONU lets her in. PLEEEEEEAAAASSSSEE! gonk AK gone forever? No thank you. I'd be worse than CC and Kris. Mind you this is all just floating in the air she says. There apparently aren't that many colleges in California in San Fran/Sac area with writing majors. The main reason why is for Amanda obviously. stare Gee, thanks AK. I feel loved. cry Then again AK said Amanda was also looking at colleges here and in Texas. AK...you've been to Texas before and you hated it. Remember? Ok, good, she's definitely not going to Texas of all places, but like California is any better? So Kris is back, for a while and AK is thinking about leaving forever. Incredibly hyper and happy on one hand...dying of depression on the other. Isn't that like bipolar or something? Anyway AK saw Kris today and CC was smart enough to stay far away from the Gillespie house today while AK had her turn choking her cousin in a "hug." Poor Kris is going to go back to the Army with bruises around his neck. xd AK played one-on-one with him for most of the afternoon. Even when it started raining. rolleyes I watched from the sheltered porch of course. She was obnoxiously happy today for having such a bad day yesterday. I blame Kris...and the fact he lost three out of five games. Those two never cease to amuse me. What the hell am I supposed to do with myself if they both leave? Go to Ireland maybe? I know I have a long lost twin out there somewhere. I don't really want to go, though. I've applied to a few technical schools here out near Lima considering the fact that AK and CC, my family, and not to mention Melinda are all here, and Kris would visit. If AK left, well that takes about 50% of my desire to stay with her. This sucks. Kris is here and I can't be as happy as I should be. Stupid Bowling Green. mad
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