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Things have changed an now ive grown up alot, my true love's name is joel, well i have a poem,[doesnt mean anything tword joel, means tword the aspect of life,]
When i thought i was loved?
why is love such a hurtful but wanted word?
what makes it so speacil to me?
i found out recently,well not exactly receint...
that no one really loved me
why does it have to be in real life why cant it be a dream but of course hate is no dream right?
i thought i was loved because i was told i was pretty.
i thought i was loved because i was told i could be something.
i thought i was loved because no one else loved me...
you know high school is torture but of course it is ignorant,
its sad and funny at the same time when you have the boyfriends and the girlfriends who are really just friends with benifits....right?
maybe its not always true,but it seems to happen alot.
i honestly think about my life,but i never thought about growing up like the other "kids" do,maybe because i already grew up,or maybe because im lost in my own dreams and imaginations filled with profit of life with out needing so called school's "education",
people are the "people's" harm.
when i say "I love You," i meant it,when i kissed you it was real.
i hurt myself out of stupidity,i thought i was at least worth something,
but like what someone said "your not even worth dirt" or "even mexicans wouldnt claim you",i guess its true my mother left...and she was barely hispanic...
i joined this "gang" to find myself again it didnt work, but i found my streanth,i never thought i was strong,the way i grew up i was weak,i still am my heart is the weakest thing on my body
words hurt...
they tell you that your something,and then you become it,
you start to believe your "worth less than dirt"
its like a bonfire, once you place that sweet smelling country wood into the fire the flame gets bigger its so beautiful right?
but you have to keep replacing that wood to keep it that way,next thing you know there is no more, the fire starts dying into nothing but a dim light no brighter than a candle,then you see this thick black smoke,now its getting hard to breathe,but it starts to thin out and now you see ashes...
ashes just like dirt but thinner...so thin if u had a spec on your hand even trying to keep it would be quite impossible,because the wind would blow it away.
my heart hurts,its because i have alot of stress, alot of people know me,
but they dont know who i am.
they dont know what i've become.
im not important to no one.
im not loved by anybody.
but i am speacil to someone...
i wouldnt know.
im all by myself,my friends parents dont accept me because of stuff i've done.
but not who i am.
i love my friends parents,i like them,but they dont like me.
maybe if they got to know me?
but how...
i barely have friends anymore...
because no one accepts me.
i used to think i was loved,but thats when people cared.
i used to think i was important,but thats when people liked me.
i wanted to commit suicide a while back...but whats the benifits to that?eternel death?
maybe that is a benifit...
i try hard on my school work,but teachers want me to do more...i try that too,but then it makes me look dumb.
i dont get teenage love,although i am one,i dont feel like it.
i was told multiple things of what i am, you know all those names people kill theirselves because of, all you hear from the other person is "i was only kidding,why did she have to take it so seriously?"im not gonna lie i say alot crap too,but at least i have a reason.
it hurts to be called white trash though...i dont like to be related to a snotty tissue;it makes me ashamed of being white.
i wanted to try this new thing that just came out....its called life...
but people wont let me have it because of what i have done.
its like not giving food to a starving child because they cried on the sidewalk.
i am not accepted,
i look out for my friends, i dont mean to rub off on them.
i wish i was somebody, maybe people would see me...instead of what i have done.
im not a bad person,at least i try not to be.
i want my life...but not if i cant use it.
whats the point?