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I don't want to love. Love is over-rated. What is love anyway besides a chemical reaction in our brain? It's like a high, and what goes up must come down, right? I hate crashes, in every sense. So I just don't do drugs. As far as I'm concerned, Love is a drug; a drug that seems to mess up my entire existance. I don't want to hurt. I don't want to worry. I don't want to dream. I don't want analyze. I don't want to miss. I don't want to hunger. Because all these things lead to Loneliness in the end... And that is something that I am REALLY starting to get sick of. So, I figure that if I relieve myself of emotion I won't have to be concerned any longer. Honestly, I'm just tired of watching everyone else's love story because it seems more and more like mine shall NEVER come around. So, that's my decision.

Okay, honestly, the first movie of The Matrix was the only ******** good one >.< The only good parts of the other two was in #2 that sex scene o.o was anybody else drooling? And in #3 it was when Agent Smith took Neo's body and the Machine killed him. I thought it was an awesome way to show how "The One" saves them. But I hate Zion. I think they should have just stuck with the select group of pirates. Now it's just going to start over. It's a ******** cycle. But now it's making me think if our world is actually real or if it's just a figment of some master device made to contain us (if we really are an "Us" and not just another program, ya know? What are we really?). I'm not just saying The Matrix. Isn't religion similar to this? Just think about it...

Well, my last journal entry was about "Him". This one is also about "Him" only this time I was under the impression that He liked me back! All evidence seemed to prove so, but alas, I think I've discovered a girlfriend in his possession. I'm so sick of heart ache! I'm so sick of never being good enough. I've had enough of love, and maybe I'm young, but my heart is old. I give up, never again. I don't want to hurt anymore because with every pleasure and every happiness a feeling of remorse is soon to follow. I just wanted someone to love. Was it so much to ask? Apparently so.... No more. It's over. I'm done with this s**t.

Have you ever been in love with that one person who makes your heart race everytime you see them? That person that never leaves your thoughts, even for a moment? That person who always says the cutest things and always seems to do everything right? That one person you really feel like you could grow old with? -Sigh- Now, what if that person LIKED you....but wasn't in love with you the way you were? What if they seemed completely clueless to every little hint you gave them? What if, deep down, you knew it couldn't work out? Well... I know that person. I dare not say his name, but I think he knows who he is. So....My dear....I love you.