Hey, I haven't posted here since 2007... I'm tempted to delete all my previous entries, or at least the 2005 ones... I feel really bad having my immature 11 year old rants taking up space. Still, it's nice to go back and look at how much of an idiot (and maybe how right I was) back then. I don't even remember half the stuff I wrote about... and I wish I'd forget the other half. Still, I'm not suicidal anymore. I never attempted suicide; but I always thought about it. I still do, but not nearly as often, and not even close to seriously. I have learned to think unemotionally; passively; it's my greatest weapon and my greatest curse. Anyways; besides the point--I can see death as an option without leaning towards it. It's rather interesting. (If more than somewhat creepy)
On a different note, my depression level has gone way down in the past two years. (Which isn't really a different note) I still haven't seen that friend I said I'll never see again, but we talked like 4 times in the past year. (We didn't talk for a year. His name is Ryan, by the way.) He's pretty cool still, unlike James. In a previous post I said James was avoiding me... I thought I was just paranoid, but a few months ago I found out I was right. After he moved, he came back down to Madison to visit, each time not visiting me, and then saying his parent's hadn't let him come down at all. So, I was pissed, but I'm over it (sort of.) His original character, Silas, is now the antagonist of my stories, replacing Trarr, who symbolized all my hate for the world.
On an entirely different note (sarcasms), I hate humans. They've destroyed our world. Grrr. (Note that I say they. I'm Martian biotches!!)
xP
Hate is such a strong word.
Basically, I'm doing O.K. I have my ups and downs, and they seem to about balance out. I've reached an equilibrium for the first time in my life. And even when I am upset, I can finally realize it will get better. So yeah, I guess I'm happy.
It's good to be back.
Kamiss Community Member 
|
|
