Believe in God or be mauled by bears.
"Seriously kids, how can you not believe in the Bible? If not for Jesus or God or in hope of Heaven (because you're so ******** hardcore that you want to go to hell because you're demonic and dark and tortured, right?), at least for the principle. The Bible is ******** badass. People are always s**t-talking the Bible, but I don't think they've scrutinized it as closely as they might lead you to believe. It's like ******** Rambo, 300, and Star Wars put together. Don't believe me? Here's one particularly badass verse, II Kings 2:23-24:
"From there Elisha went to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. 'Go on up, you baldhead!' they said. 'Go on up, you baldhead!' He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths."
C'mon.
We've all been there. You're walking along, minding your own business, when a gang of cocky, young bastards start hurling abuse at you. Most of us would just keep walking, or maybe, yell some insults back or flip them the bird. Elisha, however, decides to take it one step further. Invoking the name of God, he summons some ******** bears to come and claw the s**t out of them.
Christians are constantly asking for prayer in schools to help get today's kids in line, but I beg to differ. We need bears in schools. If every teacher had the power of God on their side to summon a pair of child-maiming grizzly avengers, you can bet that schoolchildren nowadays would be the most well-behaved, polite children ever. It's a simple choice: listen to the biology lesson, or get first-hand knowledge of the digestive system of Ursus horribilis." -Utilitor
"From there Elisha went to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. 'Go on up, you baldhead!' they said. 'Go on up, you baldhead!' He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths."
C'mon.
We've all been there. You're walking along, minding your own business, when a gang of cocky, young bastards start hurling abuse at you. Most of us would just keep walking, or maybe, yell some insults back or flip them the bird. Elisha, however, decides to take it one step further. Invoking the name of God, he summons some ******** bears to come and claw the s**t out of them.
Christians are constantly asking for prayer in schools to help get today's kids in line, but I beg to differ. We need bears in schools. If every teacher had the power of God on their side to summon a pair of child-maiming grizzly avengers, you can bet that schoolchildren nowadays would be the most well-behaved, polite children ever. It's a simple choice: listen to the biology lesson, or get first-hand knowledge of the digestive system of Ursus horribilis." -Utilitor
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I'll add ya!