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I plan to recieve the forgiveness....I've been denide...for so long.........................hell, its a truly........devastating place.............going through it, many times probably,........you fight many wars.......losing and sacrifing much, and that which is lost, is not something that is gained back easily...if at all. You become many things.........most of which can't be controled..........to imagine...everything, everyone.......gone, and by your own hands..............and to enjoy the feeling...of wanting it, of thinking you needing.........to see everything............become nothing more, than a memory........and then realizing whats going on, you become scared of yourself.......for what you have become, you ask..."what am I?".......and to think you can't feel.....you believe that you can't.........to distrust your own trust, and friends, to question everything...................What would you want? I question my own friends, i wonder why I can't find peace..........and everyday...I want to die............to kill.....I sit here....thinking....of how much I could enjoy it....not caring....even a little.........I used to not care at all.......not for really anything.......to make it all stop, to find peace, to find forgiveness...............this is what I aim for in life.......whether I find it or not.....i don't know.....I can only hopeyears......for years, Ive wanted out of what people call being depressed, but yet, all my actions, cause what is this.......All my actions are because I care, and yet....I have no reason why i should.......I just do even with all life puts at me...........................I have no reason to live, but yet i have no reason to die.....it makes it all that much harder, to find a reason to live.........Almost nothing gives me any comfort, or any peace..........I may never find a way out of this dark and deathly place I call my heart......death is almost all my heart knows anymore...............what is the point of any of it, im not sure.........but yet.....here I am, still going through life, dying to live, and living to die........so...................Where do I go from here, and what am I to do, with what I have become....
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i will!
and i have been practicing a dance with my friends
the Hare Hare Yukai dance to be percise!!
im just doing hw...
ewwww!!!