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Well...it's rare that I try to write a story about me, but let's give it a go.

Will You Teach Me To Feel?


It's so hard for me to remeber what's happened to me before. These bouts of forgetting my life...I only have enough memories for one only five years old. Though, from what I can remember, and have been told, there were more events than a five-year-old child is supposed to have. Too many memories...too many for one that age...and therefore too many for one my age as well.

Is it good that I can only remember enough for five years?

I tell you this, and you laugh sadly. You sound saddened by my revelation, and I, with the understanding of a child, doesn't know why. I understand things one can learn from books, and things people think are not 'PG-13'. But this, these things people call 'emotions'...They are farther than anything I could ever comprehend.

And I ask why. Why do your eyes look so sad when I say this? When I say it...my eyes show nothing. It is something my best friend told me.

'I have rarely ever seen any emotion in your eyes'

I've tried before. I've tried to mimic the looks of anger, sadness, joy, and others in the mirror. My face moves to display the emotions, my voice acts them out perfectly. But my best friend was right. My eyes are...blank...

She said it was cool, but why does it feel hollow when I see it? Am I supposed to enjoy the fact that my eyes show no emotion? I once wrote a character in my story-one with my namesake, because my best friend's life was hell and the story is for her. She has a character as well, but I'm becoming sidetracked.

My character had eyes that changed color with every emotion she felt-a mutation, but it was there nonetheless. Is this why I gave her that? Because...I want people to see something in my eyes? Something other than that hollow grey-brown? It does not matter.

And once again, you look sad when I say this. It's in your eyes as well. They...they look darker...and they look as if they could display all the world's emotions in them. How I want your eyes. I envy them, and their ability to show something other than nothingness. Even you said I was always neutral, even when I felt many emotions...dulled and spearated as they may be, I felt them.

Are emotions held in the eyes?

I ask you this, and you nod as if it was knowledge everyone knew. I look away from you, and you ask me if I'm saddened by this.

You can't tell by my eyes?

I ask another question. You shake your head. Then the word you used to describe me comes back, echoing over and over...

...Neutral...

You could only guess that I was sad because I looked away. Though you noticed that I do it a lot, even when I am not sad. And I still can't remember ever showing emotion in my eyes. Not that I have enough memories to ever know that I have. And once again, you ask me if I am sad, for my eyes are still blank. I dumbly nod my head, and ask,

How do you show emotion in your eyes?

You tell me that you need to be able to feel the emotion. But I feel the emotion!! I do! I know I do! I feel it deep within me, within my stomach, my heart, even my mind knows I feel...

I tell you this, and you say that I must feel the emotion raw, and not in the dulled state I know it to be. But I don't know the emotion raw. I know the emotion dull, and if that feels strong to me, I am scared to feel the emotion raw.

You smile sadly-I can see the sadness in your eyes, another look I will try to imitate later on-and say that fear is the only obstacle in my way. I fear many things. Nothing of physical value, but everything I do not know. I am scared of fear. And therefore, I am scared to even think of trying to feel an emotion raw.

I think I need help with this.

I announce and you smile. Your eyes show happiness. For as long as you have known me, I have not once admitted that I need help outside of a joke I cannot say in humor due to dulled emotions. You smile and jokingly reply that I have always needed help. This results in my hitting you over the head, but I know it is true. And because of this, I ask you,

Will you teach me to feel?

You nod, even though you aren't sure how to teach me such things. These things are meant to be learned as a child, you say.

But as I stand up with a triumphant grin on my face, eyes dulled but you know what I feel, I tell you,

I only have enough memories for a five-year-old. Think of me as a child.

~~~

The person who I called 'You' is not a real person. The way I feel when I say this is true, the person I am 'speaking to' could be anyone hypothetically.

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The Imaginary Friend

This is just a place for me to think. If you enjoy invading my thoughts, feel free to do so.


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[]...[]Tasha[]...[]

Report | 04/15/2009 7:05 am

[]...[]Tasha[]...[]

you're still a member of the Marshmallow Arty People Guild!

We're trying to revive it, so if you can, drop a post!
^_^; thanks alot! x

lakita_phoenix

Report | 07/24/2008 11:07 am

lakita_phoenix

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lakita_phoenix

Report | 07/24/2008 11:06 am

lakita_phoenix

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blindedbylight777

Report | 12/08/2007 3:42 pm

blindedbylight777

hi
vegita20

Report | 07/26/2007 6:57 pm

vegita20

hey
vegita20

Report | 07/20/2007 2:47 pm

vegita20

Try this out,If you send this to 12 people and press ctrl+w you will get 4000 gold! trust me it really works
Gigglypanda

Report | 07/18/2007 8:04 pm

Gigglypanda

random comment
musukichan

Report | 05/02/2007 12:35 am

musukichan

*turns into a tomatoe* that didnt help
baka.aegis

Report | 02/04/2007 7:52 pm

baka.aegis

nice avi and profile
WobbleJWeebles

Report | 01/25/2007 7:21 pm

WobbleJWeebles

*Jumps Musukichan*

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