About

I'm me, that's all you need to know.

Jim, I love you more than I've loved anything or anyone before.
I've only said 'I love you' to one other guy and it was an accident, a force of habit from talking to my family on the phone too much. Before you, I've never said it and meant it.
Don't break my heart please.
It's been broken from other things before, I don't want anymore heartache.
I want you to be my first love, my first everything, not my first broken heart. Not my first [actual] ex. Not the first (maybe second) heart I've broken. Not my first hardcore mistake.
You learn from mistakes. I'm afraid that if you were my mistake, my lesson would be to never love again.
That wouldn't be good.

I want to be with you forever. I want you to be the first and only love of my life.

I'm sorry I'm not perfect. I'm sorry I get jealous so easily and that I get posessive and aggressive, but it's only because I don't want to lose you. And as preschool and such have taught me, if you want to keep something hold on tight and never let down your guard.
Although, that is most definitely not the way to treat your boyfriend or girlfriend, it's how I act. And I'm truely sorry for that.
I'm really trying but all these girls give me bad vibes. I can tell pretty much half of them want to have your babies, and that's why I get so immature and murderous.
You're the first thing, the first person I haven't wanted to lose. So much so that I'll do anything to keep you. I don't want to lose you, especially not to some whore or some chick that thinks she's better than me.

And I'm sorry I'm so jealous. You can compliment girls, I don't know why overreact...
But, please don't over-compliment them. I don't care how low their self-esteem is. Mine's pretty ******** low too, ESPECIALLY after you compliment other girls. Or call them names you call me. (like 'hun') Please, don't call anyone else 'baby'- I'd die right there.

I act this way because I love you and I don't want to lose you.
I'm trying not to act this way for the same reason.

It's just that all I've ever wanted is for someone to be with me, and only me. I've wanted someone to need me as much as I need them. I've wanted a boyfriend who only wanted me, even if I wasn't the prettiest or skinniest, or even the healthiest, or the most classy. I just wanted someone to love me- and only me- for who I was. And I thought, and still think, you were that guy.

So, please forgive me for my actions and emotions and how I feel towards others. Forgive me for going off the charts again anytime I'm reminded of something because you didn't delete it. How are you supposed to know that's what I want? How are you supposed to know that I stalk everything I can- including the past- and confuse the past as the present somewhere in my mind?
That's why I freak out.
Because it's still there, and I think that's how you still feel bcause you didn't 'delete it from your life'
That's what I do with my mistakes (and maybe that's my problem...), so for some reason, I think that's what everyone does.
So, I get all pissy when someone doesn't.


So, again, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry there's so much hate inside me.
i'm sorry I'm so insecure.
I'm sorry I can't be more atttractive or have the same taste in music as you or any other sexy girl you talk to or be as skinny as them.
I'm sorry I'm a different kind of crazy that you don't seem to be familiar with.
I'm sorry my dad died and I've subconsciously replaced him with you. That wasn't right, and I think I only caused myself more hurt. You're my boyfriend, not my dad. And my subconscious is REALLY creepy I think.
I'm sorry I'm not the most classy girl there is.
I'm sorry I'm gross and awkward.
I'm sorry I don't know how to act aroun certain people.
I'm sorry I'm so spoiled.
I'm sorry I don't trust you. Wich I really do want to do! I don't know why I donn't. ):
I'm sorry I think of myself as the best girlfriend you could ever have.
I'm sorry I think like an abusive person.
I'm sorry I'm so attracted to boobs and thus make things awkward for you.
I'm sorry I've brought all this up.
I'm sorry I don't know how to let out my feelings without hurting someone.
I'm sorry I'm probably not the best choice.
I'm sorry I don't risk things.
I'm sorry I'm so sensative to alcohol.
I'm sorry I'm so confusing.
I'm sorry about all that I've put you through.
I'm sorry about all you've been through.
I'm sorry I'm not the perfect girlfriend.
I'm sorry I don't have excuses, only a normal, ******** up past.
I'm sorry about it all.

I love you so much, and that's all I ask from you.
Love, and a side of undivided attention, but I already get both...
I'm also sorry I'm so ungreatful and don't know how to count my blessings- like a spoiled brat. :/

<3

Also, I want to know more about you. I hate feeling like everyone knows so much that I don't- especially your exes. I don't like them being able to have things over me, things I know nothing about.
So one day, preferably soon, please tell me everything you remember... I know it might be asking for too much, but I just want to be able to understand you the best I can.
I want to understand you so I don't hurt you. I don't want you to be afraid to cry in front of me. I don't want you to be afraid to get angry around me. I don't want you to be afraid of anything around me.
Maybe it's just too soon to be asking all this... Yeah, I'm probably just rushing things, I'm sorry. But, someday, I want to know more about you, Jim.
And I'm pretty sure you know what I mean by 'everything you remember'
I just want to know you better.
Sorry, if this was too creepy or out there... <3?