About
I m a kind of mixture between rock and goth girl ( I hate the word chick or chica!), so please don..t ask me if I wanna add a hip hop or rap band... I don..t like that music!
Furthermore I..m quite young I guess ^^ and very introverted I love being alone or with just some really good friends...
I love concerts but festivals are mostly too big for me.
My dream was always to study vetenarian medicine and I will try to apply at the university after off the job training
My REAL friends are the most important thing I have and I would die for them... additionally I..m irascible sometimes when things don..t function the way I want...
I love reading good books and watching films... "Matilda" is just good for the soul ^^
If you wanna make me a present just give me a candle... you can NEVER have enough candles...
wink I don..t like tan skin... or too muscular men... so I..m pale myself and happy with it!
I just LOVE BOOTS!!! Plauteau boots are very sexy!
Last but not least.. I..m sensitive, emotional and difficult... if you can handle it write me...
I want to know just nice people who may thing with their own brains :p and of course a nice guy... I love pail thin men!
Age means nothing... mental maturity is more worth...
By the way... ADD MEAN TALK!!!! If you don..t talk I..ll delete you!
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I´m diffrent... yeah let´s say it how it is... I´m a goth!
But before you step back and change the sides on street wait and listen... Let´s start with the most improtant question... What is gothic?
First of all... gothic is of course a subculture but it´s more... it´s a lifestyle. It´s a protest against the norms of society... in a world where youth is the most important there are people who praise nature, tolerance and the transience of life!
In real there is nothing more important to goths than tolerance and individuality!
Black has a huge symbolic character as well as turned around crosses... they want to provoke and most goths distance a lot from satanism!
Satanism is praising yourself to be a god, not to glorify satan!
Goth are not in danger of suicide... most of them distance themselves a lot from it or selfdistruction in any other form... e.g. drugs... I had a discusion with a schoolmate who said that goths are all
satanists who are addicted to drugs and that she´s afraid I´m in danger of commiting suicide... It made me sooo angry and I´m really upset.
This made me think that most people don´t even try to trough away their prejudices!
Goths, and therefor me too, don´t want to be understood or want to convince anyone... we just want you to try to accept that there is something different...
I want to end this with a quote by a man much more intelligent than me:
"Which sad epoch, in what it´s easier to split an atom than a prejudice!"
(Albert Einstein)
thoughtfully and melancholic
... you understand all the things you never recognised before.
Today... well yesterday in real look at the time^^... was the birthday party of my stepdad and some minutes ago we had a quite drunken conversation about our relationship to each other...
I have to admit that I´m a really difficult person to bear with especially in former times.
We even had problems because I grew older and maybe tested my fontiers and he couldn´t cope with my obstinate character.
Today I think we clarified a lot of things in the past for example now he knows that I even thought he would hate me because I´m not his own child.... he made me understand that it´s hard for him to show emotions and that he would support me like his own children and I´m really glad about this. I even asked myself why he hates me and therefor I became closed-minded, deserate and filled with bitterness.
Yeah I´m filled with bitterness in the age of 18!!!
That´s hard to believe I know but I had a really hard time in my younger years... school was never fun to me but I keeped on and end it in a few month. Maybe I can end another hard chapter of my life with this and begin a total new one!
Life is never easy when you´re young and noone can make me believe that it will be easier when you´re older.
And in real I don´t think that anyone will read this till the end. I wouldn´t do it either... Just do it for myself to clean my thoughts before sleep....
Now I know that my stepdad likes me... he´d never say it aloud and in these words but he cares for me and that´s what I need to know...
I´ve a quite low selfesteem and need some people who believe in me and stand behind me whatever I do... neither of you can understand how confused I am right now... but in some way all of you know the situation I´m sure...
Becoming adult is very hard, all of us had to cope with.
And Matilda is very good for the soul. Love that movie. And older one that has the same warm fuzzy feel is Savanna Smiles. You ought to give it a try.