Details
- Last Login
- 11/30/2019 1:23 pm
- Member Since
- 11/27/2004
- Location
- In a waking dream of your face, a war of the heart and soul...
- Gender
- Female
- Birthday
- 04/13/1990
Interests
- Favorite Movies/Anime
- Rurouni Kenshin
Wish List
About
My name is Kaoru, and I shall be your poison...The beauty I see...is not cast by the moon's light, but rather that which is left in its shadows.
---
I wear the rich cloth humbly, weaving something of myself into the task ahead. I know I am more than my role, and it is more than me.
Truth is my lantern illuminating the way. I will cast aside the shape of illusion and leave the veils of my own deception behind me.
---
All things flourish like a garden beneath careful hands. Nothing is neglected, and old roots have new flowers.
The dark side met by others has its reflection in oneself. One slays their own demons, which will free them from the demons of others.
Love will not haunt me with imitations, nor life fool me with fragments. Within myself, two pieces of the jigsaw will fit together. Outside, the picture will change.
===
Where love reigns, there is no will to power; and where the will to power is paramount, love is lacking. The one is but the shadow of the other...
The anima is bipolar and can therefore appear positive one moment, and negative the next; now young, now old; now mother, now maiden; now a good fairy, now a witch; now a saint, now a whore.
The tree bears leaves, and the sun in its midst.
His face is my face. His fault is my fault. Until I look into the glass and see no reflection, I cannot see reality.
The more projections are thrust in between the subject and the environment, the harder it is for the ego to see through the illusions.
I am a separate branch of this strong tree. I fulfill my obligations to it but I remain free to flower in my own individuality.
I overthrow all that traps me, both without and within. The snares and lures of life are powerless to enslave me.
What use now is his lofty perch and his wide horizons, when his own dear soul is languishing in prison?
---
Logic is a path to truth, belief a bridge to the unknown. I touch the waters of discovery in between.
The dreams and visions I once wielded are but tools. Clear and cutting as a laser, emotion is not my shackle, nor is imagination my blindfold.
Poets create from the very depths of the collective unconscious, voicing aloud what others only dream.
---
In our most private and most subjective lives, we are not only the passive witness of our age, and its sufferers, but also its maker. We make our own epoch.
---
The all-familiar phrase: It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all, tells a story that is vague at best. It tries to illude us into thinking that the joys we felt when in love, were worth the sorrow of watching the source of that love fade away. There is not, however, a phrase that deals comfort to the person who has walked away. Did that being feel the same pain as they turned away from love? Do they deserve to feel a hand of remorse gently grasp their shoulder, offering peace? Many would agree that the answer would be a solid "no". These are the people who have been left, stranded with their hearts dangling by nothing more than the threads webbed by their partner.
As I sit here in this chair, the artificial leather heated by nothing more than my own body, I realize that I am alone. I have no being to blame for this pit in my stomach that will not settle. I am its cause, and no sorrowful, blatant, or pretty words may change that. I have a weakness for the new, the unknown, and shedding of the old. It is this weakness that causes so much pain, knowing that regret will pool in my heart like stale blood, and yet dismissing the idea so I may indulge in what is current.
Perhaps I am only beginning to understand the true meaning of regret, and the heavy weight of its shadow. There is not a day that passes that I do not think of what I have done, and how if I had been stronger, I would not feel as I do. As I write this I do not seek pity, remorse, or any expression of console. I have never felt that I deserved something so strongly, and as time passes I feel this realization will only deepen. While the other may move on, may forget, oneself cannot forgive. Perhaps this is my new reality, a time when I will have to walk with this memory. The shock of a name as it ignites the rhythm of my heart, sending its pulse into mass hysteria. I am chained, I am illusion, I am doubt. I am...poison.
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The paleness of a face flushed by sorrow, eyes reddened from tears unshed and fallen alike. A word, a song, a heart, a mistake. Could any and all bring forth such sorrow? To envelop one's heart in fear and a deep, unrelenting anxiety to know the truth, and yet frightened to learn so. Could it be worth the hurting, to let the walls of selfish protection crumble in the face of something new and eerily familiar? Surely the love in another's heart that yearns for your own could satiate this vast gap of emptiness, but what odds stack against such outcomes? For to be broken once more is to rip the world of its sovereignty, to let escape all that had been held dear, replaced by the eroding stone of a hardened heart.
---
Alone in this house again tonight. Pictures of you swirl through my head, and thoughts of the way it was and could have been surround me. I'll never get over you walking away.
I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show, and I thought that being strong meant never losing your self control, but I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain. To hell with my pride. Let it fall like rain from my eyes. Tonight, I want to cry.
Would it help if I turned a sad song on? All by myself, it would sure hit me hard now that you have gone. It is going to hurt bad before it gets better, but I'll never get over you by hiding this way. Perhaps I never will.
I'm sorry for still holding on. I'll try to let go, and one day, I promise I'll be gone.
"I don't want to run away, but I can't take it. I don't understand. If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?"
"If I don't need you, then why am I crying on my bed? If you're not for me, why does this distance maim my life?"
"Despite all you have done, and how damaged I have become, and knowing you will never return...I hope I love you all of my life."
"I miss you, with body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away, and I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today because I love you, whether it is wrong or right."
Do not tell me I'm beautiful, for there is little that is true.
Do not speak in lies, the chances are, I won't believe you.
Never say you love me, for such is a wretched word.
Lest by these lips, the truth you will have heard.
---
Show me one man who knows his own heart, and to him I shall belong.
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I don't believe there is only one person in this world that we are destined to love, even though I wish I could...
One true love, soul mate...Oh how I dream these things to be true, but if they were, we would not still feel the pain of the love we have lost...
My heart still hurts. My eyes still cry. My love still burns.
Can't you see what you've done?
I thought it was over, and that everything was going to be okay, and yet I still find myself sitting here in tears, mourning over the loss of you.
Why do I feel this way? Why do I hold on to a past that slips like sand through my fingers, brushing the skin with serrated edges. I am scarred. My face...stained.
And yet, here I stay, with this smile over my quivering lips. Eyes glistening as they fight the tears. Voice hushed as I say goodbye, swallowing the lurch of pain.
In the rain, when the snow falls, as the sun beats down relentlessly. I wait for you. My umbrella is yours, my coat on your shoulders, my skin burned as you are shielded.
Enslaved is what I am, but bound I shall never be...
---
Quinn: There she is...
Some Guy: Who is she?
Quinn: Her name is Kaoru.
Some Guy: What's she like?
Quinn: She's everything...and nothing.
"She hates the sound that goodbyes make. She prays one day, she'll find someone to need her. She swears that there's no difference between the lies and compliments, it's all the same if everybody leaves her. And every magazine tells her she's not good enough. The pictures that she sees make her cry. She would change everything, just ask her. She's given boys what they wanted, and tries to act so nonchalant, afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction. She never stays the same for long, assuming that she'll get it wrong. Perfect only in her imperfection. She's not a drama queen, she doesn't want to feel this way. Only seventeen, but tired. She's just the way she is, but no one's told her that's okay. She would change everything for happy ever after. Caught in the inbetween of beautiful disaster. She just needs someone to take her home."
Some Guy: Lost and broken...
Quinn: But most of all, she needs one guy to prove they're not all the same.
---
In dreams that escape the mind, projected into our conscious, a false reality to comfort the hardships. We imagine that life is but a step towards something we all hope to be better, a destiny which cannot be changed. Some say destiny can run either way, it can be good, but it can also be bad. What of a death that has been caused so early, what was their destiny? It is to say that some..live only to die to serve as a lesson to others. Then there are a lucky few, who play the greatest role of all, one that even now they may not understand.
Deception..
A whisper of a world held by light, and formed by darkness..
I welcome you to my reality..
---
I would rather my life be taken so savagely by the animals I love, than by even the gentlest hands of man.
---
"You're not sure that you love me, but you're not sure enough to let me go. It isn't fair that you just keep me hanging around, just waiting for you to make up your mind. You say you don't want to hurt me, and you don't want to see my tears. So why are you standing here..just watching me drown.."
"I know I'll never trust a single thing you say. You knew your lies would divide us, but you lied anyway. And all these lies have got you floating up above us all, but what goes up has got to fall."
"I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night.."
"He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar; the only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star."
"So I go to bed alone, as I turn out the light I put his picture down and maybe get some sleep tonight."
"He's the only one who has enough of me to break my heart."
"I don't want to know the price I'm going to pay for dreaming that one day you will be standing next to me, your hand in mine."
"Why did you have to go, you could have let me know, so now I'm all alone."
"And all of my tears keep running down my face. Why did you turn away? Why does your pride make you run and hide? Are you that afraid of me?"
"I know it's a lie, what you are keeping inside. This is not what you want."
"So I will wait for you, because I don't know what else I can do. Don't tell me I've ran out of time...if it takes the rest of my life. No matter what I have to do..I'll wait for you."
"It's been a long time since you called me. How could you forget about me?"
"How can you walk away? Everything for me stays the same. I just can't do this. What will it take to make you come back?"
"Why can't you look at me? Were you ever even in love with me? Don't leave me crying here all alone."
"Why can't we just start over again, and get it back to the way it was. If you give me a chance, I can love you right, but you're telling me it won't be enough."
"In that moment, when the final threshold is broken, and you have become one in body and soul...Acceptance of who you are, who you were and forever shall be. This is love in its truest form, and all acts caught between you have been out of the same love from where it all began, and shall remain until we are all erased from this world and all others." - Kaoru
Journal
A drop of the world cascading down into life...
Forgetting the truth, hidden behind all the lies...Scripts of a goddess now fallen...
Signature
His actions were not proper, but should not cost him his life.
In darkness her element reign, the goddess in her truest form, now fallen and chained.
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