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Confusing Love

Ritsuka…I love you…

Soubi’s words echoed in Ritsuka’s ears as he walked home. These words had been troubling him for a while now. Soubi said it so often and so casually that it couldn’t possibly be true… could it?

He was just ordered to love me by Seimei… it doesn’t mean that he really does…

Part of him was fine with that, but another part of him always felt pain because he wanted it to be true.

Aahhh! Why does he have to confuse me like this! Ritsuka ran his hands through his dark hair in frustration. He looked up at his house but didn’t go in. he didn’t feel like facing his mother tonight. Instead he turned around and walked away. He didn’t know where he wanted to go, he just walked aimlessly until he had reached a quiet riverbank. Silently, he sat under a willow tree letting his thoughts consume him.

I wish I knew what to do… I hate it when he comes around because he confuses me with his words… and yet I miss him…even now part of me wishes he were here with me…

The breeze ran through Ritsuka’s hair obscuring his vision. Slowly he lifted his head towards he bright moon.

I wish I could run away to the moon… maybe then I wouldn’t be confused anymore…

Ritsuka looked back to the willow behind him. Grabbing hold of the whip-like branches, he climbed catlike up the tree; finally he rested on a middle branch on his stomach, staring into the moon.

Baka Soubi…He wanted so much to believe him. So what does that mean? He wondered. Does that mean that I long for someone to love me? That it doesn’t matter who it is? Or maybe…it does matter…Does that mean that I… love him? Ritsuka felt his face grow hot as he thought about it. Growing frustrated by his own thoughts, Ritsuka climbed higher up the tree. When he had gone as far as he could, he reached out to the moon. It looked as though he could touch it if he just tried. Suddenly he lost his balance on the limb. Crying out, Ritsuka grabbed franticly at the branches as he fell. None of them would hold his rapidly falling body. He heard his voice call out for Soubi to come and help him… purely on instinct, but no help came…just darkness.

Ritsuka felt something crack against his face, bringing him back to consciousness.

“How pathetic! What kind of idiot falls out of a tree!?” He heard someone say as pain seared his skin again. Ritsuka realized that it was the branches from the willow tree being cracked like a whip onto his face as he struggled to open his pained-blurred eyes. Standing above him were two people he didn’t recognize. He could only assume that this was another opponent for him and Soubi to face.

“Soubi?” he asked wearily hoping to see the older blonde man, but he was not there.

“Soubi? Agatsuma-san? The Beloved fighter unit? Why so you need him? Where’s your fighter unit?” One asked him.

“Soubi is my fighter unit!” Ritsuka said forcefully as he sat up, rubbing his head.

“No he’s not! You don’t have the same name! You may have convinced yourself that he is… but think about it! He was beloved’s fighter unit, and you can only have one sacrifice per fighter… Agatsuma Soubi should have died with his sacrifice!” The team broke out into maniacal laughter as Ritsuka glared at them. He stood and clenched his fists. He wanted to hit them so badly.

“Oh look! Loveless is angry! You think he’s going to hit us?” One of them asked amused.

“You’re just a sacrifice… you can’t fight us!” Anger surged through Ritsuka’s small form, consuming him. He ran towards them. One grabbed his arm and twisted it as the other punched him in the stomach. Ritsuka sank to the ground, his vision blurring again.

“You’re pathetic… hurry and find your real fighter so we can have a true battle…”

“He has a fighter…” Came a voice from behind the tree. Ritsuka’s heart skipped a beat as he turned to look up into the eyes of Soubi. “Ritsuka, are you ok?” Soubi asked him.

“I’m fine! Just defeat those bastards!” Ritsuka ordered.

“Yes master. I declare a battle by wordspell…”

“We accept! We are heartless! Ones without a heart!” They said in unison. The sacrifice stepped back and let his fighter have the field.

“Bind them quickly before they have a chance to attack!” The sacrifice ordered as the fighter nodded.

“Bind their hearts… make them cease to exist… Restrict!” The fighter yelled. Giant chains formed around Ritsuka’s neck and chest. He cried out in pain. Soubi looked down at him.

“Hold on Ritsuka!”

“I’m fine! Attack!” Soubi did as he was told.

“Black void that resides within, fill up…. Solidify… shatter!” Soubi countered. The sacrifice screamed and doubled over. Startled, his fighter rushed to his side.

“No! Keep…going!” He panted.

“Darkness fall on them…take their hearts…”

“Defend! You can’t touch us!” Soubi said as he blocked the attack. “Bonds that bind us… release…” the chains around Ritsuka disappeared.

“No!” The fighter screamed with fury. “Break their hearts! Destroy their bond! Rip them out!” The fighter roared. Soubi didn’t have time to react. Ritsuka screamed as he felt his heart tighten inside his chest.

“Soubi!” Ritsuka cried out in pain as Heartless smirked in satisfaction. Soubi’s eyes filled with hatred. He was going to destroy those who dared hurt his Ritsuka!

“Night sky, shatter around, fill their void! Darkness like smoke! Suffocate!” The air around Soubi’s opponent grew thick and sharp. Cuts appeared all along the sacrifice’s body as he coughed in the thickening smoke.

“We… have to… retreat… before he kills us!”

“NO! We can take him!” The fighter replied to his suffering sacrifice.

“We… can try… again later! Let’s go!” Reluctantly, the fighter nodded and they disappeared. Soubi dropped down to Ritsuka’s side.

“Ritsuka!? Can you hear me? Are you ok?” Ritsuka could hear Soubi’s voice quiver with concern for him.

“I’m …I’m ok…” He replied shakily. Actually, Ritsuka didn’t fee; ok at all. He had fallen out of a tree, been hit with the tree’s whip like branches, and now this. Soubi could tell that his young sacrifice was lying to him.

“Ritsuka, maybe we should get you to a hospital…” He started to gather Ritsuka up in his arms, but Ritsuka stopped him.

“No…I’m fine, really. Let’s just stay here for a while…” Ritsuka leaned against Soubi’s chest. Soubi nodded and held Ritsuka.

“I love you…” There it was again; those words that so confused him. Ritsuka looked up into Soubi’s eyes, trying to decide if he meant it or not. Ritsuka turned his body to face Soubi.

“I know that Seimei told you to love me…right?” Soubi nodded. “Well, I’m your sacrifice now. You have to follow my orders…right?” He nodded again. “And one time you said that I never ordered you to not love me…”

“Ritsuka, please don’t order me to stop loving you…” Ritsuka placed a finger to Soubi’s lips to silence him.

“No, I wont do that… but I will order you to only say that you love me when or if you truly mean it. Ok?” Ritsuka looked into Soubi’s eyes with determined sincerity. Soubi nodded.

“In that case…I love you.” Ritsuka’s eyes widened in shock. Then he began to get angry.

“Soubi! Why don’t you ever listen to me! That was an order! You can’t just keep saying things like that if you don’t mean them!” Ritsuka ranted.

“Yes, you ordered me to only say it when I mean it… and I do mean it. Every time. Seimei did tell me to love you, and I did. But I never thought that I would actually fall in love with you…”

In love with me…?”

“Yes… I don’t just love you… I am in love with you…” Soubi’s words grew softer as he pulled Ritsuka towards him and kissed him. Ritsuka sensed his face redden as he tried to process what Soubi had said. This time, he knew he meant it. Soubi may do many things, but one thing Ritsuka knew he wouldn’t do if he could avoid it was to disobey a direct order. When the kiss ended, Ritsuka curled up in Soubi’s lap, clinging to him tightly.

“Baka Soubi…” He whispered with a smile. He just couldn’t bring himself to say the words in his head: I love you too…Soubi…

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Zelas Metalium

Report | 08/08/2006 1:59 pm

Zelas Metalium

Angely i demony kruzhili nado mnoj
Razbivali ternii i zvyozdnye puti
Ne znaet schast'ya tol'ko tot,
Kto ego zova ponyat' ne smog...

I am Calling Calling now, Spirits rise and falling
Soboj ostat'sya dol'she...
Calling Calling, in the depth of longing
Soboj ostat'sya dol'she...

Stand alone... Where was life when it had a meaning...
Stand alone... Nothing's real anymore and...

...Beskonechnyj beg...
Poka zhiva ya mogu starat'sya na letu ne upast',
Ne razuchit'sya mechtat'...lyubit'...
...Beskonechnyj beg...

Calling Calling, For the place of knowing
There's more that what can be linked
Calling Calling, Never will I look away
For what life has left for me
Yearning Yearning, for what's left of loving

Soboj ostat'sya dol'she...
Calling Calling now, Spirits rise and falling
Soboj ostat'sya dol'she...
Calling Calling, in the depth of longing
Soboj ostat'sya dol'she...