MY BROTHER IS A STREET RACER, U LIKEY?

Note to Self: ...

1. Try not to cough while drinking.
2. Coughing is painful. Try to do it as little as possible.
3. Never leave coke in your mouth too long. It gets very hot and turns your teeth to rubber.
4. It is best not to stand in the rain when you are sick.
5. Never try to swim in a puddle. It just makes you look silly.
6. On second thought, swim in a puddle. Note peoples expressions.
7. Be sure not to swim in the puddle when its cold. It's just not good common sense.
8. Stare at people at school. Note their expressions.
9. Tobasco sauce is not the best medicine.
10. Never say you think you may cough up a lung. Because one day you will cough up that lung, and it won't be too pretty.
11. Get really close to finding the secret of the universe, but get bored at the last minute and go play video games.
12. Don't piss God off...For obvious reasons.
13. Never remove things from the top of your head. It just becomes a painful, sticky mess.

14. All electronic equipment is out to get you.
15. Stay away from Radioshack.
16. Despite what you may think, you did not invent duct tape.
17. Coconuts are....painful.
18. Always carry a map. That way you know where you are lost at.
19. Despite what you may think, you are not omnipotent.
20. Think of a way to become omnipotent. Tell no one.
21. Don’t die alone. Take many people with you.
22. Remember, your name is Josh. This may come up.

# They will live to regret this. Repeat this aloud as often as possible.
# Smirk, as if you know something, from time to time. This will eventually cause people to tell you their secrets.
# God is everywhere. This makes for a tough game of hide-and-seek.
# In regard to previous note: stop doing anything!
# If someone in a green suit offers you a free trip to Afghanistan, Israel, or Palestine, avoid this person at any cost.
# Floor is slippery when wet.
# Lake is slippery when dry.
# Sun is bright when lit properly.
# Do not stare directly at the sun…unless it stares at you first. At which point, standard staring contest rules apply.
# Only talk to strangers you know.
# Strangers you don't know are all spies... Kill them all.
# For legal purposes be sure to erase last entry.
# Tell all your friends about the spies that are trying to kill you.

Every time the numbering starts over from one, it is a different day.

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# Regarding previous note: Upon telling your friends about the spies that are trying to kill you, be sure to kill the spies
# You're telling yourself too much.
# Crying isn’t going to help anything. Try your luck with violent mood swings.
# Mirrors are not portals to parallel universes; do not purposely run into them because of obscene gestures made by your counterpart.
# Do not run with scissors stuck in your foot.
# Do not read between the lines; you’ll never learn anything like that.
# Assemble your twelve closest friends, and start a war with Canada.
# Find some way of making twelve close friends.
# Upon taking Canada, be sure to gloat about it, and make outrageous mandates such as replacing the word "Hello" with "Boo-ya!"
# Make a scene whenever humanly possible.
# 73 years from now, adding up 6% interest, your current friends will owe you a total of $53,325.32.
# Make new friends; see note number 44.
# Friends are over-rated, enemies make life a lot more interesting

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#1 Next time you kill someone, make sure that they are indeed DEAD, as failure to do so may result in some nasty questions...
#2 The Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about.
#3 New evidence emerges, disregard last note.
#4 Look into possible "stalker" reference in the following excerpt: ...and everywhere that Mary went...
#5 Remember to eat more than once today.
#6 For best results: turn knob, THEN open door.
#7 Remember not to run with scissors. Even trotting with them at a good clip may be dangerous.
#8 Never leave car keys in your pocket when playing on the Slip 'n Slide.
#9 You left your car keys on the night stand.
#10 Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best cure for drowning.
#11 For the last time, you cannot fly. No matter how far off the ground you are when you begin flapping your arms.
#12 Even with a good tail wind.