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- 10/07/2008 7:20 pm
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- 04/08/2006
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zero the believer-" My life is just a story...and stupid one that they all say....I am a normal kid in the outside..but in the inside, im dameged....every one says "oh, it's nothing!!, grow up and quit being emo" or "you think you have problums!!, look at mine!"I care to help people with ther problums, and somtimes it works out!...but...when im done helping people...whos there to help me?, cause no one was there for me,and the friends i thout in my past dident help me...i treated them like brothers....but they all took advantege of me to get what they want...than...they all threw me out like a worthless pet. And the only friend i had back then, might of had fellings for me...but i was so stupid not to realize that...she would always be there for me, but i wasent, i was trying to fit in so i wouldent be alone...but i wasent..tell she said "hey..im moving, so you dont have to see me anymore" and i replyed "i dont care, go a head and move!!"
The next thing i knew...i was actuly alone....and i was picked on for no reason, than day by day, my anger and sarrow grew even more to the point that i wanted to kill my self cause i dident felt like belong any where....but...a year after that...i met a girl who kinda reminded me of her...but...somthing was different ...my heart feelt somthing that i swared that i dident want to feel in my life....the next thing i knew, i started to talk to her...and she wanted to talk to me...and her friends became friends, and grew.
And then....i couldent hold in my feelings for this person...but i thot "who am i kidding?!, thers no way she love me!, im just..just a freak!, a zero!...i reather die than to know she dident love me" but...one day, a friends grabed the two of us, and told us about how we feel about each other..i was shocked....but..for once...happy...and so was she...the next thing i knew she was my reason to live...and i made a promise to her that i wouldent die.
But...somtimes i think"...is she realy happy with me?....and how long is she ganna stay with me?" each day becomes even grater..or worse.....she says she wants to stay with me....but...i want it to...but...i feel like it's not ganna last that long, and i would be alone again. And the pain i had before is still in my heart, and i wish somone was ther to get rid of it...but..i dont think any one cares "it's just a phase!, youl get over it!"
this is my thots.....i started alone...so in the end....i might end alone...cause i feel it in me that this might happend...but, the people i try to consider them my friends said "you can belive in us, youl never be alone again!"...i want to....but...why dose my heart tell me it wont happend?....so why cant i kill my self from the suffering?!!...cause....i made some promises, and they made promises...so im living to see if some people can keep them...or..is the world is so ugly as i see it witch is choking me.
And every day..im still hurting...im just a zero....but...ill keep believing in them...but i mostly believe in a black cat who trys to guid me...so i will...Believe."
this is kinda my stupid story to all of you, but i wanted to tell it cuse im done holding things in me, from now on.....im ganna shout, and let it all out.
Sorry, but im quiting gaia, im sorry if i dident say all i wanted to say.....and anastacia, my old friend, "im sorry for the way i was when i was yong."
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