Having sex for the first time
There can be a lot of pressure to lose your virginity - that is, to have sexual intercourse for the first time. Having sex just because you want to lose your virginity, or because you think all your friends are doing it, is something you may regret later. Sexual intercourse can lead to pregnancy. So, before having sex you should think about whether you need to use contraception to prevent unwanted pregnancy, and condoms to prevent Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs).
You might feel lots of anxieties, especially the first time you have sexual intercourse (often referred to as 'having sex'). You may feel embarrassed about how you look without your clothes on, or worried about your privacy being disturbed. It's natural to worry, but good communication can really help. You should be able to talk to your partner about your concerns and how you feel about having sex for the first time. Your partner might be worried too, and talking can really ease the tension. If you're too shy, or you're not able to talk about these things with your partner, then you probably shouldn't be having sex!
Can a girl become pregnant the first time she has sexual intercourse?
Yes, a girl can become pregnant the first time she has sexual intercourse. So, you must use contraception the first time you have sexual intercourse, if you don't want to risk becoming a parent.
What about the law?
The age of consent, that is the age at which it is legal to have sex, depends on which country you are in, and in the United States the law is different in different states (see our sex laws page for further details).
In England and Wales, the law says it's illegal for a boy or a girl to have sex with a girl or a boy who is under sixteen.
Sexual intercourse and love
For some people sexual feelings are bound up with love and close relationships. Some people think sexual intercourse should only happen within marriage. For other people sex and love are two different things.
What is important is that you feel good about yourself and what you are doing, and that you keep yourself safe. Being safe means not only thinking about physical risks such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). But also emotional risks such as the regret you may feel afterwards.
When are you ready for sex?
There is no absolute right age to start having sex. What matters is whether it is the right time for you. It also depends on what you mean by 'having sex'. There are many ways in which you can give and receive sexual pleasure without having sexual intercourse.
Giving each other massages, kissing and hugging can be very passionate. It's a way of sharing and showing love. For some people these activities can be more fulfilling than sexual intercourse.
You may feel that you are not ready emotionally. Being pushed into having sex could mean you regret it later on.
You get pressure from people talking about sex. You think, 'I've got to go and see what it's like'. It's hard, but you've got to resist and do what you want.
It's very important not to feel pressurised into having sex when you don't really want to. Just because your friends say they are 'doing it' doesn't mean they are.
Thinking through all the implications of having sex can be a useful way of helping you arrive at a decision. There are lots of reasons why people don't want to have sex. You may feel that you are not ready emotionally. Being pushed into having sex could mean you regret it later on. Some people have quite strong religious or cultural beliefs. Others just want to wait.
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