About

I was born in Anchorage, Alaska to a band of outlaw Eskimos building a giant laser that they hoped would bring warmth and beach tourism to their frozen seaside town. When I was two I was taken away from Alaska by missionaries, and was sent to Virginia where I became a big fan of soccer, jamming forks into light sockets, and building “American Gladiators” style obstacle courses in my adoptive parents back yard. I do not have many other ambitions, except maybe creating a device that allows me to one day meet Naruto... and have a sandwich named after me.