"Meredith? Your name is Meredith?" - Sam Carter

" . . . Secret Service Agent Lady . . ." - Charlie Eppes

(about a bulkhead door when it gets exposed to space)

Ford: Will it hold?
Mckay: Like a screen door on a submarine.

Caldwell: Can we submerge the city again?
Mckay: (sigh) It's a city, not a YoYo.

(after being shot in the a** with an arrow)
Mckay: (screaming) This is not happening!

Tyr Anasazi: I have faith in nothing but this - when the universe collapses
and dies, there will be three survivors - Tyr Anasazi, the cockroaches,
and Dylan Hunt, trying to save the cockroaches.

[Watching two aliens fall to their deaths after being thrown off a bridge]
Tyr Anasazi: Mine hit first.
Dylan Hunt: Yours was fatter.

Colby Granger: You assaulted a federal agent with a deadly weapon.
Henry Korfelt: It was a Volkswagen.

[someone is groaning in the restroom stall]
Dr. Gregory House: Good lord, are you having a bowel movement or a baby?

O'NEILL: Normally, I am a man of very few words. *Is beamed up by the Asgards*

Jack O'Neill: How's a needle in my butt going to get water out of my ear?

Emily: I don't understand. They're going to kill us?
Dean: Sacrifice us. Which is, I don't know, classier I guess.

Dean: That fabric softener teddy bear. Oooh! I'm gonna hunt that little b***h down.

Pa Bender: Tell me, any other cops gonna come lookin' for you?
Dean: Eat me. Oh no no no wait wait wait, you actually might.