About

I"m going to hit a wall and it wont be pretty, I feel the wait crushing me and i don't think that i can get out from under neight this burrden that i have put on top of my self, and it is my own fault, i hate what i am, i am a hipocrit and i like it. i wqant to be abused and beaten, i want to bemade fun of it makes me feel like i have a purpose. and when the weight becomes to much to bare i go on line or sit in my room listening to music turned up so high that i become paraniod, i become a scard little child and i geuss i like it. i like the fear, for all my talk, for all my acting, i'm just a scard liitle boy just wants to be held in somes arms, almost anyone will do. i want to be abused, i want to feel the pain, i want to see what the other side looks like. i follow others, i almost never lead. i don't have the stength to lead all that offten. i make it look like i can care any group to and A in school, but under the surface i just wish they would do thier own god danmd work. i wish they would i just go and ******** each other untill they die. i want them, to just go kill them selvs. i want to just go and get them selvs killed, i want all those bastards to pay for thier crims against me and others like me. i know i have my own crims to pay for, but i keep adding to the list, hoping that i will just hit that wall and just break down already. i want ot just break. i have shone cracks in my armor to you and others. i just want to hit that wall and just start crying for no reason. i want the weight to just crush me and take away all the pain. i want to just feel like i belong some place. i pic up i don't know how many diffrent things, and never finish them. two years a go i picked up a bass to try and make my friends happy, but i know that i don't belong in the world of musicans, i play video games to try and be accepted by my friends, but i know i'm no good. i never put 100% of my self into any thing i do. i know i could be good if i just had the disoplen to do so. I no longer a loow my self to feel the pain i so long for. i don't allow my self to love , so i can protect my self from the pain. but i still weant this pain. i want to be able to feel. i'm disgusted with my self for plagerising on an important school paper. i only deserv the cold imbras of mnothingness. i don't deser to be loved by anyone. not even my parents. i consider my self a failur in their eyes. there are so many things i should tell them, about my self, like the fact that i hate religion, like the fact that i am bi. but i'm afraid of something, somthing i just can't grasp. i try to be thier for others, to comfort them, but i can't even help my self. i just want to hit this wall already and just cry, but the tears wont come., even as i still here in my deep pool of self loathing. i want this weight to just crush me. i want to feel this pain that i yern for so much. i want to see the end of my life. i want to just... i just want so much from my life and from the world. but i know that i don't deserv any ofthe things that i want., or madby i do. i'm not sure. i just wish the this whole god damned planet would just blow up or kill it self so it would just end the madness. i just what i really want is for this world to just end the maddness. i want thigs to make scens, i want poeple to acctually think things through be fore they act. i want them to stop and think about their lives and think about how much their accctions really do affect eachother. But i want to meet you. i want to hold you in my arms. and i want to feel your embrass. i want to feel you, i want to touch you, i want to be with you, and feel somthing. I domn't know hat, but i want to feel something.

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[~.phonix.~]

Report | 04/24/2007 12:07 pm

[~.phonix.~]

third comment hi
Imperfections Inspire

Report | 08/15/2006 8:00 am

Imperfections Inspire

you are one of the best friends ever!
you put part of our convcersation in you profile i told you it is poety! your writeing is amazing!
agentofdemise

Report | 07/20/2006 7:41 pm

agentofdemise

First comment xd

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