30 || Agender || Virgo

~*~

I'm a lurker of this site who first surfaced in '08 to peek in and out of existence. I didn't talk a lot as I was never much of a talker amongst people I didn't know.

Chatrooms frightened me, I was paranoid but also intrigued. First time I ever hung out and talked to folks was during the first(?) Gaia Prom, back when items based on Christian Siriano's designs was available. I dressed up and was maybe flirted with every time I was on. It was weird in hindsight, but I was starved for attention back then.

I was here when zOMG! first surfaced and I got addicted to it for a very long time. I'd play it almost everyday at home. I'd play it during recess in school and sometimes even during class, but even then I never beat the She Wolf boss, no matter how hard I tried.

I hung around the Aquarium forums for a while, bumping peoples threads as their aquariums where glowing. Was thinking of starting one myself, but then I disappeared for several years.

Cue mid '16, where my curiosity brought me back. I was always one to reminiscent a lot, few things are forgotten (except anything actually important) and I was curious to see if the site had changed.

At first glance, not much, at second glance I noticed the changes. The addition of a new avatar base and things like armmods and legmods being a thing. I noticed zOMG! was gone, a bit disappointing at the time but today I have yet to really sit and play it again. There was Lake Kindred, and even though I'm a huge Pokemon fan it was obviously not the same.

Then I saw the Runway tab (now a days in the Games tab) and checked it out. While I didn't enter first day back, I checked it out every now and then, checked the dedicated forum and eventually started joining in. It was not long before I was hooked on this function and began to cautiously interact with the people of the forums. I'm glad I did because I've met tons of cool people there and I like just hanging in the forums, even if I don't interact constantly.

Now a days I'm back to being primarily a lurker of mainly the Runway and GCD forums.

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Three games I love:
Tokyo Afterschool Summoners || Chrono Trigger || Mega Man franchise

Three mangas I love:
Violinist of Hameln || Uzumaki || GetBackers

Three genres I love:
Action || Horror || Comedy

Three animals I love:
Bats || Dogs || Birds

Three colors I love:
Green || Red || Blue

~*~

If one would ask me to truly, honestly describe myself I'd say I'm a dreamer. I have many desires and many ideas that is constantly buzzing around in my mind. It's actually kind of distracting at points as I tend to have issues focusing on things. Whether this is a case of ADD/ADHD or not remains a mystery.

I have tendencies of a perfectionist. If I feel something isn't perfect, I can end up torturing myself for hours trying to fix it, not having the concept that sometimes just having things be enough is enough in itself. While gladly this trait has been toned down the last couple of years where I can stop myself from setting the bars too high in the beginning, sometimes I catch myself in these situations again.

I'm very self-loathing by being very aware of who I am and what I do, so I often find myself talking down on myself in a very negative manner: Reminding me that I could have achieved so much more had I just taken one more step forward all those years ago. This is a trait I want to get rid of as it honestly only hinders me from taking those steps I need to grow, but in my current state of living this will be hard. Someday I'll have the resources to find a professional to talk it out with, that I'm certain of.

I also have attachment issues. I'm always scared and paranoid that one day, those I've grown to like will just start ignoring me and reject my presence. I've already had these overwhelming emotions of not being wanted that wasn't caused by being unwanted, but was more because I, me personally, abruptly left the groups I was part of and because I was (and still is) just s**t at communication. So while I'm envious of people who have found a s/o and would love to feel that same joy myself someday, due to these conflicting emotions, I don't think I would be a good partner for anybody.

I do try to see new things in a neutral light, but please don't take that as me being naive. Positivity is important, not just in my life but everyone elses' and being in a neutral mood initially is in my opinion ideal as it'll soften the blow when something turns out poorly or brightens the room when they turn out positive. I often have my opinions on things, but that doesn't mean I'll always share them.